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Sasquatch's avatar

Best characterization of Donald Trump I have ever read appeared in my e-mail queue today. The characterization will be most appreciated by people of a certain age. Here it is:

The difference between Donald Trump and Jim Jones is that Trump would make you pay for the Kool-Aid.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Of course, the come-on for Trump would be, "All you can drink."

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Gary E Masters's avatar

And might even drink some himself.

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Helena Handbasket's avatar

From your lips to . . . his lips.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Ah, so you have arisen. In staying with the day's theme, it probably has not escaped notice that to ensure he remains as offensive as possible, Orange 1 is now hawking the King Donald version of the Bible. This, of course, is the Very Newest Testament, not just New or heaven forfend, Old. The perfect training Bible for someone planning to lie under oath. Among my favorite verses from it are:

* "And He looked down upon them and spake thusly: send me more money. And be quick about it."

* "And he cast his bread upon the waters and it came back to him as soggy bread."

* And He so hated Fred, that He gave him Donald. And Donald was fruitful and he multiplied...his net worth (for loans) a hundredfold. And He looked down and said, "What hath I wrought?"

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Betsy Beyler's avatar

And if you order in the next X minutes you'll get, as a bonus, an edition of the Apocrypha with an insert explaining the apocryphal stolen election.

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Kitchen Cynic's avatar

But wait, there's more. You'll also receive a set of Jinsu knives, with instructions for their use: stand down and stand by.

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Gary E Masters's avatar

Does anyone remember CM Kornbluth? I believe this was from "The Space Merchants" as quoted: " "'Always assume mankind is essentially merciful; nothing else explains why crooks are regularly returned to office.' If you know as little of Philosophy as you do of decency, Brother, I should explain that a crook is an implement formerly used by good shepherds and in this case stands, by a figure of speech, for the good shepherd himself."

As a straight book is interpreted for the "believes."

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Bill Dorner's avatar

A colleague called a gullible employee of mine (from a cubicle about 30 feet from his office) claiming to be from Cisco Systems, investigating a problem with sound quality on the VoIP phone line. He politely asked if my employee could repeat a few test words. The gullible employee agreed, and was subsequently prompted to say aloud various words, including "Moo" ("Louder please." ..."MOO!") and "doodie". The employee asked, "duty?", and the Cisco employee insisted, "No, 'doodie'." I still laugh when I think about it.

P.S. Since nobody else has the courage, I'll take the pedantry bait: we think you meant "jig", not "gig".

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Sam Mertens's avatar

The constant sighs and eye rolls of my elder teenage son suggest I probably should be far more embarrassed being me than I am.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Not worth sending in, but memorable workplace lojinx in which I, to this very moment, can plausibly deny participation, was first, the sophomoric switching of the bathroom gender signs, and then graduating to replacing them with gender neutral signs. This caused a satisfying amount of confusion that lasted several days and an unnecessary and unintelligible sensitivity training session for all.

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Jack Mccombs's avatar

First of all, I really liked Sasquatch’s characterization of the Orange Idiot. Yes, I remember the Jim Jones thing, but didn’t Jones also drink the Kool-Aid? I don’t recall. If so, will Mr. Trump PLEASE emulate Mr. Jones?

Insofar as being embarrassed by being me, definitely not at my age. Way back in my teens that was the case, i.e. embarrassment, but I’ve found that the older and uglier I get, the less I care. When I was in high school, I was deathly afraid of making some social error (and I made many, as I recall). The difference now is that I STILL make many social errors, but I don’t care any more.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

"Gig" was up ? Meaning your computers (at the time) ran out of memory ? Or was it the "jig" that was up, meaning the sedition was discovered ? Or was a dance involved somehow ? Or are you once again making use of the permanent poetic license bestowed on the winner of the Hungarian guy's award ?

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robert j winfield's avatar

cigarette loads (NOT by me)

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Deborah's avatar

Because women are too smart to do shit like that. 😄

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Christy Kelly's avatar

Back in the dark ages when push button phones were the only ones in the office. I unscrewed the microphone end of the receiver and removed the microphone. When my boss tried to answer the phone, no one could hear her but she could hear them! All we heard from the outer office was HELLO? HELLO?

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Surfie's avatar

I'm so out of f^cks about what others think of me!

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Sasquatch's avatar

I have some spare fucks I can lend you.

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