You Suck.
Hi. Welcome to the Weekend Gene Pool, where we are in our desperate, never-ending quest for cheap, embarrassing free entertainment supplied by you.
Please answer the following question: What the HELL is wrong with you?
That’s it. This will be very short.
Me, there are a lot of things. On Thursday, after midnight, I dreamed I was in a room with several intelligent people. One of them was David Von Drehle, an editor who might be the smartest person I know. He is an expert on Abraham Lincoln. He has written 2,000 books, roughly. Also, his name begins with “Von,” so. In the dream, I asked David and the others: Is today Friday? The people in the room discussed this issue ad nauseam, and yes, all the peopl determined it was indeed Friday. And it was!
I have really boring dreams. I wrote about this once, and it involved an interview with a famous avant garde movie director.
I have other things wrong with me. My pinky toenails are tiny, the size of paramecia, or a computer chip. I only wear one pair of shoes, every day for my entire life. They are Sketchers. They don’t smell great. These are just a few examples.
So, tell us how you suck. Send your stuff here. I will happily disguise your identity, but you must make it clear you want me to do that.
— And, finally, today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll. Choose the appropriate gender. As has become my custom, I will update the results shortly so you can see what the other group voted.
See you on Tuesday.
I set my personal standard to “don’t be hideous” and I think I achieve it most days. Little kids don’t run away in terror.
Old photos show that in his young adulthood my father was a dead ringer for Bing Crosby. In my 20’s I used to get stopped on the street by people who said I looked like the actor Steve McQueen. No longer, alas — but then, he’s been dead for some time now. I do have a nice white beard.