I have it on questionable authority that the CIA has now incorporated "The Little Drummer Boy" and "All I Want For Christmas Is You" into its interrogation protocol. Been known to break the resistance of the strongest miscreant especially when accompanied by the incessant "beeping" of a scanner.
Geesh, do I have to explain everything about a fictional scenario. The interrogated believes it is a scanner because of the simulated "beeping." Know nothing about fictional interrogations I see. But you have my permission to copy the comment and put quotes around anything you like. Surely there's a dependent clause somewhere that requires your immediate attention.
Ask anyone who has worked retail during the holiday shopping season what they think of Christmas. I guaran-damn-tee you that the background music in the stores has a lot to do with what those people think about Christmas.
But when I worked in retail (which was the ‘70s) I loathed the Christmas Muzak less than the other Muzak we had on constant repeat the rest of the year. Come to think of it I loathe the Christmas music at the grocery store less than all those whiny singers we get the rest of the year.
I hadn't noticed the prices, but the chocolate variety is $33.99, which is really outrageous (but perhaps not surprising given the rise in cacao prices these days). I just bought a bottle of port, with the same ABV, for $9.99 (and some were marked down to $8.99). And the pumpkin spice moonshine (blech!) is $42.99 (perhaps reflecting its higher proof). Liquor prices in Alabama are notoriously high (the state is the sole vendor), but I get 1.75 liters of Canadian Club (80 proof) at the state store for about $25.
Well as I recall everything else in the gas station store is high priced. I remember some egregious tampons long ago. Should Egregious Tampon be the title of my memoir?
On the booze: dude, that shit is EXPENSIVE. That Rosie Cheeks crap is priced halfway to a decent Scotch. I feel like there's a sociology dissertation in here.
And boy oh boy can I get up a head of steam about the curse of Xmas music. Yes, the hatred really cemented after a holiday gig at a mall store right after college and it has only amplified. I now keep my airpods in my pocket wherever I go between Thanksgiving and the New Year so that I can pop them in at the first cursed strains of that noodly piano jazz war crime that is the Charlie Brown Christmas song. I have, thus far, avoided Whamageddon (the UK-started game of not hearing "Last Christmas" [which, as Xmas songs go, isn't that dreadful]) AND have avoided the dread LDB (Little Drummer Boy [which IS that bad, even when sung partly by David Bowie]). I've nearly made it, but am headed to a holiday open house of a friend today and I don't think she'd buy my sound engineer cans as a fashionable headband...
A friend once had a summer job in a regional theater below the Mason-Dixon Line. He and some of the other actors procured some local moonshine. They left it in their car on a hot day during the matinee performance and, naturally, the jar exploded and burned the inside of the car. True story. I just verified it with him.
I got a job during high school at a place that sold a variety of artsy crafts items--think Michael's but mostly Christmas stuff. They played the same string of Christmas tunes on a loop. It was about 40 minutes worth. It was a summer job. So, Christmas music. In July. Then August. Eight hours a day. It was a very long time before I could stand listening to any Christmas music without developing a twitch. Luckily, the Drifters' version of White Christmas and Phil Spector's Dogs Barking Jingle Bells were not on that playlist and I could always enjoy them trauma free.
Two Christmas songs that I actually enjoy are by two of my all time favorite bands: XTC and NRBQ. Both bands have a strong fan base but are under the radar of the masses. Anyway, I'd like to share these two delights with anyone who's looking for holiday tunes that you won't hear in the commercial playlists. (Note: The XTC song was released under the pseudonym "The Three Wise Men.") Enjoy!
"Kinda sorta like it" was the closest answer for me. I'm beyond tired of many (maybe most) of the ubiquitous retail Christmas soundtrack tunes, and there are a couple that I despise. But there are a few that I love and never get tired of hearing: Chuck Berry's "Run Run Rudolph," Brenda Lee's "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree," and anything from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." And my all-time favorite (which unfortunately does not seem to come up in the rotation at most places), the Waitresses' "Christmas Wrapping." Those are enough for me to "kinda sorta" like the routine overall.
Oh sure, it's all fun and games, until the first piano notes of "simply having a wonderful Xmas" by McCartney seep in. Then the darkness descends and baby Jesus cries.
I have no idea what they did then. But when I lived in Vietnam in the 70's the youngest children ran around without pants, and they just cleaned up after them. And I suspect they were potty rained, too.
I could be wrong, but I think the biblical phrase is "Jesus wept," not "Jesus wet." But I suppose being "immaculate" need not be restricted to Mary's conception, at least according to the Catholic view of things.
I do like Christmas music, but only the modern, jazz-inflected, Tin Pan Alley songs belonging more to the American Songbook rather than the Silent Night-type fare. I do not celebrate Christmas, if that matters.
I prefer non-religious Christmas songs. In other words, not "Silent Night," but "Silver Bells." The separation of church and state should apply here: Christmas has been secular for a long long time. It's great to celebrate by getting together with friends and family, buying and receiving gifts, decorating the house/yard, etc. But I remember the ick feeling I got when I was in CVS looking for hemorrhoid cream to the tune of "The First Noel."
Hey, my brother's a priest, and even he agrees with me. He also reminds me that Easter, not Christmas, is the most important Christian holiday. Everybody is born, but only one of them rose from the dead.
Oh I think he has been an afterthought (and an often forced one at that) for lo these many years. Although his name continues to be taken in vain in many a holiday family gathering as in, "Jesus Christ Harold, do we have to hear the same bullshit again this year!?"
Background music was always there to cover up that underneath the elevator music are subtle subliminal messages telling you that you are hungry, need to buy more holiday gifts, that you are hungry. I know they say this doesn't happen any more, but they also tell us a lot of things that just aren't true.
I can't figure WVa out. You saw hard liquor everywhere. I have friends who have a small hotel/mountain retreat about two hours from DC. A few Thanksgiving ago we were their only guests. She warned us ahead of time that we could not bring so much as a gift bottle of wine as it would imperil their liquor license.
I have it on questionable authority that the CIA has now incorporated "The Little Drummer Boy" and "All I Want For Christmas Is You" into its interrogation protocol. Been known to break the resistance of the strongest miscreant especially when accompanied by the incessant "beeping" of a scanner.
The Clashes’ version of “I Fought the Law” was effective in getting Noriega to surrender.
Why quotation marks around "'beeping'"?
The CIA uses simulated scanner "beeping." That work for you?
Huh? Wouldn't that then be "the incessant beeping of a 'scanner'"?
Geesh, do I have to explain everything about a fictional scenario. The interrogated believes it is a scanner because of the simulated "beeping." Know nothing about fictional interrogations I see. But you have my permission to copy the comment and put quotes around anything you like. Surely there's a dependent clause somewhere that requires your immediate attention.
All I know is that it sounds like the scanner is fictional but the beeping is real. But: whatever, dude.
As a seasonal kindness you have been given the "Last Word." "Happy" Holidays.
Since I once had that job, I would include a song from the 90's. "I want it all, and I want it now." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFd852kLOOA
It ought to keep a person awake long enough to want to cooperate.
Ask anyone who has worked retail during the holiday shopping season what they think of Christmas. I guaran-damn-tee you that the background music in the stores has a lot to do with what those people think about Christmas.
But when I worked in retail (which was the ‘70s) I loathed the Christmas Muzak less than the other Muzak we had on constant repeat the rest of the year. Come to think of it I loathe the Christmas music at the grocery store less than all those whiny singers we get the rest of the year.
Pumpkin Spice Moonshine sounds like the all girl band whose big break was opening for Tim McGraw
I’ve never experienced a more succinct explanation of why Trump America is like it is. JFC. Eggo Brunch in a jar.
C'mon Jack. Where you gonna get a brunch with booze for $23.99 these days?
I hadn't noticed the prices, but the chocolate variety is $33.99, which is really outrageous (but perhaps not surprising given the rise in cacao prices these days). I just bought a bottle of port, with the same ABV, for $9.99 (and some were marked down to $8.99). And the pumpkin spice moonshine (blech!) is $42.99 (perhaps reflecting its higher proof). Liquor prices in Alabama are notoriously high (the state is the sole vendor), but I get 1.75 liters of Canadian Club (80 proof) at the state store for about $25.
Well as I recall everything else in the gas station store is high priced. I remember some egregious tampons long ago. Should Egregious Tampon be the title of my memoir?
Yes.
Would you have to change out the title with each subsequent revision?
Christmas Muzak is to music what a Gentlemens' Club [Sam, please note use of apostrophe] is to gentlemen.
I believe you meant "Gentlemen's."
They’re not.
The plural, whether they are or not, is "gentlemen," not "gentlemens."
Colonel Mustard, with the candlestick, in the Gentlemen's Club.
Well played! You win the Internet today.
Did I miss one somewhere? Between my thick thumbs and autocorrect, there are going to be some punctuation casualties.
On the booze: dude, that shit is EXPENSIVE. That Rosie Cheeks crap is priced halfway to a decent Scotch. I feel like there's a sociology dissertation in here.
And boy oh boy can I get up a head of steam about the curse of Xmas music. Yes, the hatred really cemented after a holiday gig at a mall store right after college and it has only amplified. I now keep my airpods in my pocket wherever I go between Thanksgiving and the New Year so that I can pop them in at the first cursed strains of that noodly piano jazz war crime that is the Charlie Brown Christmas song. I have, thus far, avoided Whamageddon (the UK-started game of not hearing "Last Christmas" [which, as Xmas songs go, isn't that dreadful]) AND have avoided the dread LDB (Little Drummer Boy [which IS that bad, even when sung partly by David Bowie]). I've nearly made it, but am headed to a holiday open house of a friend today and I don't think she'd buy my sound engineer cans as a fashionable headband...
Holiday soundtracks! Not just driving people to distraction in retail!
At a particularly delicate moment in my recent gyn exam someone’s grandmother had an unfortunate encounter with a Rangifer tarandus.
Seriously.
My gyn stripped off her gloves and declared she’d heard that song 18 times that day and someone was going to get hurt if she had to hear it again.
It wasn’t professional, it wasn’t reassuring, but you’d have to have a heart of stone not to sympathize.
"As long as the person you hurt isn't me, I'm with you sister!"
I misread that for a second as “I’m with your sister”!
Because Deana meant, "I'm with you, sister!"
I’ll remain enigmatic, rather than ignorant
A friend once had a summer job in a regional theater below the Mason-Dixon Line. He and some of the other actors procured some local moonshine. They left it in their car on a hot day during the matinee performance and, naturally, the jar exploded and burned the inside of the car. True story. I just verified it with him.
I got a job during high school at a place that sold a variety of artsy crafts items--think Michael's but mostly Christmas stuff. They played the same string of Christmas tunes on a loop. It was about 40 minutes worth. It was a summer job. So, Christmas music. In July. Then August. Eight hours a day. It was a very long time before I could stand listening to any Christmas music without developing a twitch. Luckily, the Drifters' version of White Christmas and Phil Spector's Dogs Barking Jingle Bells were not on that playlist and I could always enjoy them trauma free.
When I was in a Giant supermarket this afternoon, they were playing The Byrds “Eight Miles High”. Apparently, not with the program.
I once heard In A Gadda Da Vida playing in a K-Mart. Cognitive dissonance.
Hut! Hut!
Maybe they’re pagans?
Christmas cheer comes in many forms.
David Crosby would be disgusted, especially since his estate wouldn't be earning any royalties.
Two Christmas songs that I actually enjoy are by two of my all time favorite bands: XTC and NRBQ. Both bands have a strong fan base but are under the radar of the masses. Anyway, I'd like to share these two delights with anyone who's looking for holiday tunes that you won't hear in the commercial playlists. (Note: The XTC song was released under the pseudonym "The Three Wise Men.") Enjoy!
XTC: Thanks for Christmas --- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xtvp1u0lgGw
NRBQ: Christmas Wish --- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlEu1vPEOCk
"Kinda sorta like it" was the closest answer for me. I'm beyond tired of many (maybe most) of the ubiquitous retail Christmas soundtrack tunes, and there are a couple that I despise. But there are a few that I love and never get tired of hearing: Chuck Berry's "Run Run Rudolph," Brenda Lee's "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree," and anything from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." And my all-time favorite (which unfortunately does not seem to come up in the rotation at most places), the Waitresses' "Christmas Wrapping." Those are enough for me to "kinda sorta" like the routine overall.
Oh sure, it's all fun and games, until the first piano notes of "simply having a wonderful Xmas" by McCartney seep in. Then the darkness descends and baby Jesus cries.
Even baby Jesus gets wet diapers. Or whatever they used back then. Fig leaves? Swaddling clothes? Going to go investigate.
I have no idea what they did then. But when I lived in Vietnam in the 70's the youngest children ran around without pants, and they just cleaned up after them. And I suspect they were potty rained, too.
I could be wrong, but I think the biblical phrase is "Jesus wept," not "Jesus wet." But I suppose being "immaculate" need not be restricted to Mary's conception, at least according to the Catholic view of things.
One of the best Style Invitational entries of all time:
"Jesus wept......buckets."
I do like Christmas music, but only the modern, jazz-inflected, Tin Pan Alley songs belonging more to the American Songbook rather than the Silent Night-type fare. I do not celebrate Christmas, if that matters.
The ones you can Sing Along With, Mitch??
Just follow the bouncing Christmas tree ornament.
I prefer non-religious Christmas songs. In other words, not "Silent Night," but "Silver Bells." The separation of church and state should apply here: Christmas has been secular for a long long time. It's great to celebrate by getting together with friends and family, buying and receiving gifts, decorating the house/yard, etc. But I remember the ick feeling I got when I was in CVS looking for hemorrhoid cream to the tune of "The First Noel."
Hey, my brother's a priest, and even he agrees with me. He also reminds me that Easter, not Christmas, is the most important Christian holiday. Everybody is born, but only one of them rose from the dead.
Let's keep Christ out of Christmas!
Oh I think he has been an afterthought (and an often forced one at that) for lo these many years. Although his name continues to be taken in vain in many a holiday family gathering as in, "Jesus Christ Harold, do we have to hear the same bullshit again this year!?"
Exactly what I meant by Tin Pan Alley: Chestnuts, Have Yourself a Merry, Wonderland, even White Christmas and Sleighride.
Yep! Love Sinatra's "Christmas Waltz."
Clearly a modern-day Franz Boas bringing us the latest anthropological findings from terra incognita, where apparently there still be dragons.
Worse than dragons.
Redneck MAGAts.
Background music was always there to cover up that underneath the elevator music are subtle subliminal messages telling you that you are hungry, need to buy more holiday gifts, that you are hungry. I know they say this doesn't happen any more, but they also tell us a lot of things that just aren't true.
I can't figure WVa out. You saw hard liquor everywhere. I have friends who have a small hotel/mountain retreat about two hours from DC. A few Thanksgiving ago we were their only guests. She warned us ahead of time that we could not bring so much as a gift bottle of wine as it would imperil their liquor license.
Dare I ask if holiday muzac was being played at the Dogpatch liquor store/gas station in Maryland? The combination would be downright resistable
We can't remember.