It just occurred to me that Joel Golden's why-not of building a dirt pile to outer space may have been inspired by the Mountain of Dirt in his (and my) town of Fort Washington; dump trucks from all over the area leave off their diggings, and supply fill dirt for other projects. (Photo here: https://www.dirtconnections.com/fill-dirt-maryland/fort-washington/)
Some years ago the JC Whitney catalog -- auto enthusiasts nicknamed it "JC Witless" -- used to offer a device that could play various tunes in lieu of a one-tone honk. These devices still exist. You can find them on Amazon.
But what you really need is for the OTHER car to understand the meanings of the various honks. All we can do now is make the gentlest tap to mean "ahem, just need to catch your attention," unless you want your alarm to be interpreted as WATCH OUT TOTAL EMERGENCY or, more likely, I AM A JERK. But if there were a convention that a musical tweet meant "hello," a little ring meant "wake up," and a big honk meant "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" ...
Exactly. When I'm driving through town and see someone I know on the sidewalk, I'd like to be able to toot "hi" without making the motorist in front of me think I'm complaining about his slow start out of the gate (even if he is looking at his cell phone).
My faves were: Judy Freed's face-saving idea for replacing music in public bathrooms; Steve Smith's environmentally helpful usage for Gas-X; and Jesse Frankovich's suggestion of clothes-hanging hooks on workout equipment (I now know I am not alone in using the equipment for this purpose.)
There are a lot of Congress members whom people would also like to see at the bottom of stairwells. But I am absolutely not advocating anything with that remark.
Another hat trick for The Marvelous Ms. Freed. With the Invitational accounting year ending this day, Judy should easily win Rookie of the Year with about 85 inks. I won ROTY a few years ago with 18 inks. Judy got at least 18 inks on the subject of menstruation alone. Her suggestion today to pipe rude bathroom noises into public restrooms to alleviate those embarrassing moments was , as ever, brilliant.
Thanks, Jon! Your enthusiasm is greatly appreciated! Just for the record, it is possible that my digestive disturbance inks might have outnumbered my gynecological ones. Regardless, I'm so pleased to give you a reason to write about menstruation.
The Czar and Empress consciously avoid looking at the week-to-week Loser Stats so we're not seen as engineering the outcomes for Loser of the Year, Rookie of the Year, etc. This is really easy for us because we Do.Not.Care. (Also, we are usually able to avoid seeing the names of the writers until very late in the game each week; the entries have to be matched up later with the entrants' names.)
The stats game was fun to play for the first year or so, since then it’s been “opportunities to make myself laugh, and as a bonus maybe others”. I do still pay a little attention. Although there is one person at get togethers who makes a point of reminding me that they’re ticked I outscored them that year.
As for not knowing the cardinal direction west in an unfamiliar location --- assuming you're in the northern hemisphere --- look for a satellite dish. They point south.
Ah, typewriters. In typing class in HS, started with manuals. I am not old. The Selectrics were a heady change in semester 2, and most of us had to greatly lighten our touch so as not to use backspace-autocorrect for 17 "I"s in a row.
I think of "dour" as sort of attributable to people, sour and obstinate? Maybe I'm limited in my definition. Maybe also I was expecting "dire" and felt cheated. haha!
It is said to mean "gloomy, pessimistic." which is what that article was. I THINK it can be attributed to non-persons, but maybe not. Dire might have been better.
I still have the old manual typewriter I learned on. It sits unused in my garage (covered, so it’s not collecting dust!). I briefly thought about what it would take to wire it up for use as a computer keyboard, but the lack of a ‘1’ key makes that a non-starter. (Sure, I could add it, but then it won’t be the same.)
The concept of a vehicle horn lexicon would no doubt be an irresistible add on for auto manufacturers looking for yet another accessory to distract drivers. However, for a driving public that, in seemingly growing numbers, doesn't appear to know what the octagon-shaped traffic sign means (no, not a suggestion), I can just imagine the confusion auditory messages would sow. How about road rage times two ?
"You just honked me an asshole."
"Sorry, thought that was 'love your trailer hitch'"
Yeah, I know. Many, if not most, of us look to this space as a brief respite from the persistent drumbeat of anxiety producing news. But it must be said. The US Supreme Court just gave the American voting public not just a middle finger --- but what looks to be the British rude two finger gesture. One for itself and quite possibly the other for Aileen Cannon, who is (more or less) presiding over the Mar-a-Lago classified documents case in Florida.
As you may know, SCOTUS told us yesterday (28) it had something more to say about absolute or criminal presidential immunity than what two lower federal courts did in fine, tightly reasoned decisions. In so doing, it likely also decided, through yet another delay in the federal election interference trial process, that it wasn't important the majority of American voters know whether or not one of the presidential candidates is a felon before they go to the polls in eight months. At the same time, it gave Cannon an out (as if she needed another one) to pause her trial to await a SCOTUS decision, since Trump's defense there is also claiming immunity, and immunity has not only to do with liability but being subject to prosecution. It's possible, and even probable, that one or both trials can get underway before November, but it is also likely that the majority of the American voting public will have to roll up its sleeves and take on the job of ensuring Orange 1 doesn't get anywhere close to the White House again.
I was taking typing class in high school during the semester in which the old manual typewriters were replaced with newfangled electronic machines. One unexpected change -- we all had those little white correction sheets to type over mistakes, but the new typewriters actually had lift-off correction ribbons. Now, the typing teacher hated the concept of these ribbons, and it was clear that the school had no intention to replace the originally-installed correction ribbons when they were used up, but for the rest of the semester we were able to make quiet, barely-detectable corrections to what we were typing.
(The thing is, in typing there's an inherent tradeoff between speed and accuracy. The optimal location along that continuum is dependent on the "cost" of errors, and changing the cost from "backspacing, inserting a correction sheet, retyping the incorrect letter, removing the correction sheet, and resuming your typing" to "pressing the backspace key" made a big difference in the optimum. Computers of course push this even farther--typewriters, especially manuals, would potentially have alignment problems if you needed to correct something that wasn't on the same line, whereas computer text can be reviewed and edited trivially. So I now type at a speed that sometimes amazes coworkers, but with an initial accuracy rate that would cause my former typing teacher's head to explode in anger.)
In high school I learned on a manual typewriter. The typing teacher played music with a steady rhythm, because learning to type to music helped eliminate jammed keys and, eventually, resulted in fast and almost error-free typing. As a result, when I lived in Europe and tried out for a clerical job at UNESCO in Paris, I scored extremely well. (Didn't take the job, as I had other options.)
Give Roy Ashley a break for not spotting the Grandpa Joke attribution in between comic strip frames. The man's almost as old at the president, so his senses may be leaving him. When I was growing up, we were taught to respect our elders and Roy deserves a lot it. A WHOLE lot of it. A HUUUUUGE amount of it.
Bike lanes. I've been hit twice. NYC has 100 biker deaths every year and they have research that shows that bike lanes improve the chance of avoiding accidents and deaths. However, I used to live in an NJ town that was the nation's first sanctuary city, will paint crosswalks rainbow colors, but won't paint bike lanes if our (colonial-era) streets are not wide enough per the highway department.
I’d like to bike around more, but to get from my house to anyplace useful (like a train or metro station) requires traversing several Stretches Of Death. I certainly wouldn’t mind the occasional free pick-me-up instead.
I love this - and figure you guys could come up with some more great ones -
"Why not replace those Gmail-suggested automatic replies like “Great!” and “No thanks!” with more interesting ones, like “Hippos don’t eat pickles!” and “That’s what yo mama said!”? I would definitely use those more. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) "
Funniest: Why not increase support for the LGBTQ community by starting a rumor that the Q stands for QAnon? (Gary Crockett)
Best Actual Idea: Why not require millionaires to drive electric vehicles? Soon there would be rechargers everywhere. Or at least everywhere you’d want to go. (Steve Smith)
Clothes-hanging hooks on exercise equipment. Reminds me of those folks who surf and read, hang clothes, reserve needed benches when they are elsewhere, by resting weights, reserving, or sitting uselessly on fitness facility equipment. There are rules in better facilities and even supervision and concierges in some. Why can't there be an electric shock delivered to people in inappropriate positions after 30 seconds.
I want my gym to install the electric shock seat on each and every exercise station. If not, I'll have to buy a cattle prod. Today I've packed a book in my gym bag. I'm going to bring it with me so that I can read a couple of pages between sets while I hog a station, and dare one of those cell-phone-toting, earbud wearing, self-abosorbed butt nuggets to ask me to let them work in.
It just occurred to me that Joel Golden's why-not of building a dirt pile to outer space may have been inspired by the Mountain of Dirt in his (and my) town of Fort Washington; dump trucks from all over the area leave off their diggings, and supply fill dirt for other projects. (Photo here: https://www.dirtconnections.com/fill-dirt-maryland/fort-washington/)
Some of these ideas are too good—I have long wanted different horn noises on my car.
Some years ago the JC Whitney catalog -- auto enthusiasts nicknamed it "JC Witless" -- used to offer a device that could play various tunes in lieu of a one-tone honk. These devices still exist. You can find them on Amazon.
But what you really need is for the OTHER car to understand the meanings of the various honks. All we can do now is make the gentlest tap to mean "ahem, just need to catch your attention," unless you want your alarm to be interpreted as WATCH OUT TOTAL EMERGENCY or, more likely, I AM A JERK. But if there were a convention that a musical tweet meant "hello," a little ring meant "wake up," and a big honk meant "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" ...
Exactly. When I'm driving through town and see someone I know on the sidewalk, I'd like to be able to toot "hi" without making the motorist in front of me think I'm complaining about his slow start out of the gate (even if he is looking at his cell phone).
My faves were: Judy Freed's face-saving idea for replacing music in public bathrooms; Steve Smith's environmentally helpful usage for Gas-X; and Jesse Frankovich's suggestion of clothes-hanging hooks on workout equipment (I now know I am not alone in using the equipment for this purpose.)
An HM from Week 1183:
If infomercials were more honest, they'd market exercise bikes as clothes racks right up front.
Judy's suggestion is a half-assed measure. It addresses the audio channel, but not the olfactory channel.
But without the sound, you probably couldn’t locate it in a public bathroom. Too many doors.
Oh, so true. I wasn't thinking of that. So no face-saving after all!
Sorry, but I'm no longer amused by Congress, although incorporating urinal cakes into their activities might be a step in the right direction.
There are a lot of Congress members whom people would also like to see at the bottom of stairwells. But I am absolutely not advocating anything with that remark.
Another hat trick for The Marvelous Ms. Freed. With the Invitational accounting year ending this day, Judy should easily win Rookie of the Year with about 85 inks. I won ROTY a few years ago with 18 inks. Judy got at least 18 inks on the subject of menstruation alone. Her suggestion today to pipe rude bathroom noises into public restrooms to alleviate those embarrassing moments was , as ever, brilliant.
Maybe her 18 menstruation posts are an attempt to pad her statistics!
Quit cramping her style
PERIOD!
Thanks, Jon! Your enthusiasm is greatly appreciated! Just for the record, it is possible that my digestive disturbance inks might have outnumbered my gynecological ones. Regardless, I'm so pleased to give you a reason to write about menstruation.
Well, it is kind of hobby of mine…like macramé
The Czar and Empress consciously avoid looking at the week-to-week Loser Stats so we're not seen as engineering the outcomes for Loser of the Year, Rookie of the Year, etc. This is really easy for us because we Do.Not.Care. (Also, we are usually able to avoid seeing the names of the writers until very late in the game each week; the entries have to be matched up later with the entrants' names.)
For those who are interested, you can see the Losers' Current Year Stats table here. http://www.nrars.org/currentyear.html
I hope I didn’t breach some security protocol…the year’s over, right. Mostly, I wanted to type menstruation.
The stats game was fun to play for the first year or so, since then it’s been “opportunities to make myself laugh, and as a bonus maybe others”. I do still pay a little attention. Although there is one person at get togethers who makes a point of reminding me that they’re ticked I outscored them that year.
Yes, the bathroom noises was better than my suggestion:
Why not have music play loudly whenever you sit on the toilet to cover embarrassing noises? Not for me, of course...asking for a friend.
Sharks in the Rio Bravo? Because all the sharks will turn up in Tacos. They do not stand a chance to survive.
As for not knowing the cardinal direction west in an unfamiliar location --- assuming you're in the northern hemisphere --- look for a satellite dish. They point south.
Nice modern update to moss growing on the north side of trees.
"Dour?"
Ah, typewriters. In typing class in HS, started with manuals. I am not old. The Selectrics were a heady change in semester 2, and most of us had to greatly lighten our touch so as not to use backspace-autocorrect for 17 "I"s in a row.
I remember. What's wrong with dour?
I think of "dour" as sort of attributable to people, sour and obstinate? Maybe I'm limited in my definition. Maybe also I was expecting "dire" and felt cheated. haha!
It is said to mean "gloomy, pessimistic." which is what that article was. I THINK it can be attributed to non-persons, but maybe not. Dire might have been better.
gloomy and pessimistic work fine, you are right.
I still have the old manual typewriter I learned on. It sits unused in my garage (covered, so it’s not collecting dust!). I briefly thought about what it would take to wire it up for use as a computer keyboard, but the lack of a ‘1’ key makes that a non-starter. (Sure, I could add it, but then it won’t be the same.)
OMG using "L" for "one" - that does go back aways! My manual had the "1".
It was my grandfather’s. Still in good condition except the ribbon is bone dry.
Please explain 17 “l”s in a row.
When you hold a button down too long on an electric keyboard the letter repeats unintentionally.
Thx
The concept of a vehicle horn lexicon would no doubt be an irresistible add on for auto manufacturers looking for yet another accessory to distract drivers. However, for a driving public that, in seemingly growing numbers, doesn't appear to know what the octagon-shaped traffic sign means (no, not a suggestion), I can just imagine the confusion auditory messages would sow. How about road rage times two ?
"You just honked me an asshole."
"Sorry, thought that was 'love your trailer hitch'"
Yeah, I know. Many, if not most, of us look to this space as a brief respite from the persistent drumbeat of anxiety producing news. But it must be said. The US Supreme Court just gave the American voting public not just a middle finger --- but what looks to be the British rude two finger gesture. One for itself and quite possibly the other for Aileen Cannon, who is (more or less) presiding over the Mar-a-Lago classified documents case in Florida.
As you may know, SCOTUS told us yesterday (28) it had something more to say about absolute or criminal presidential immunity than what two lower federal courts did in fine, tightly reasoned decisions. In so doing, it likely also decided, through yet another delay in the federal election interference trial process, that it wasn't important the majority of American voters know whether or not one of the presidential candidates is a felon before they go to the polls in eight months. At the same time, it gave Cannon an out (as if she needed another one) to pause her trial to await a SCOTUS decision, since Trump's defense there is also claiming immunity, and immunity has not only to do with liability but being subject to prosecution. It's possible, and even probable, that one or both trials can get underway before November, but it is also likely that the majority of the American voting public will have to roll up its sleeves and take on the job of ensuring Orange 1 doesn't get anywhere close to the White House again.
The good news is that after TFG loses, all trials can proceed.
2016 taught me not to take jack for granted (a lesson I seemed to have forgotten from 2000), but hopefully yes.
Just trying to think positive!
I was taking typing class in high school during the semester in which the old manual typewriters were replaced with newfangled electronic machines. One unexpected change -- we all had those little white correction sheets to type over mistakes, but the new typewriters actually had lift-off correction ribbons. Now, the typing teacher hated the concept of these ribbons, and it was clear that the school had no intention to replace the originally-installed correction ribbons when they were used up, but for the rest of the semester we were able to make quiet, barely-detectable corrections to what we were typing.
(The thing is, in typing there's an inherent tradeoff between speed and accuracy. The optimal location along that continuum is dependent on the "cost" of errors, and changing the cost from "backspacing, inserting a correction sheet, retyping the incorrect letter, removing the correction sheet, and resuming your typing" to "pressing the backspace key" made a big difference in the optimum. Computers of course push this even farther--typewriters, especially manuals, would potentially have alignment problems if you needed to correct something that wasn't on the same line, whereas computer text can be reviewed and edited trivially. So I now type at a speed that sometimes amazes coworkers, but with an initial accuracy rate that would cause my former typing teacher's head to explode in anger.)
In high school I learned on a manual typewriter. The typing teacher played music with a steady rhythm, because learning to type to music helped eliminate jammed keys and, eventually, resulted in fast and almost error-free typing. As a result, when I lived in Europe and tried out for a clerical job at UNESCO in Paris, I scored extremely well. (Didn't take the job, as I had other options.)
Give Roy Ashley a break for not spotting the Grandpa Joke attribution in between comic strip frames. The man's almost as old at the president, so his senses may be leaving him. When I was growing up, we were taught to respect our elders and Roy deserves a lot it. A WHOLE lot of it. A HUUUUUGE amount of it.
Actually, I am OLDER than the president, 81 as of August 22.
Bike lanes. I've been hit twice. NYC has 100 biker deaths every year and they have research that shows that bike lanes improve the chance of avoiding accidents and deaths. However, I used to live in an NJ town that was the nation's first sanctuary city, will paint crosswalks rainbow colors, but won't paint bike lanes if our (colonial-era) streets are not wide enough per the highway department.
I’d like to bike around more, but to get from my house to anyplace useful (like a train or metro station) requires traversing several Stretches Of Death. I certainly wouldn’t mind the occasional free pick-me-up instead.
I love this - and figure you guys could come up with some more great ones -
"Why not replace those Gmail-suggested automatic replies like “Great!” and “No thanks!” with more interesting ones, like “Hippos don’t eat pickles!” and “That’s what yo mama said!”? I would definitely use those more. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) "
Funniest: Why not increase support for the LGBTQ community by starting a rumor that the Q stands for QAnon? (Gary Crockett)
Best Actual Idea: Why not require millionaires to drive electric vehicles? Soon there would be rechargers everywhere. Or at least everywhere you’d want to go. (Steve Smith)
One of my noinks: Why not encourage more Republicans to get on board with electric vehicles by making the charging stations coal-powered?
Clothes-hanging hooks on exercise equipment. Reminds me of those folks who surf and read, hang clothes, reserve needed benches when they are elsewhere, by resting weights, reserving, or sitting uselessly on fitness facility equipment. There are rules in better facilities and even supervision and concierges in some. Why can't there be an electric shock delivered to people in inappropriate positions after 30 seconds.
Did you see Terri Berg Smith's entry above suggesting just that?
For this, Terri Berg Smith gets my funniest vote for the same idea.
I want my gym to install the electric shock seat on each and every exercise station. If not, I'll have to buy a cattle prod. Today I've packed a book in my gym bag. I'm going to bring it with me so that I can read a couple of pages between sets while I hog a station, and dare one of those cell-phone-toting, earbud wearing, self-abosorbed butt nuggets to ask me to let them work in.