The Invitational Week 120: Pun for the Roses

It's our annual horse 'breeding' wordplay contest. Plus winning wacky crossword clues.

Pat Myers

and

Gene Weingarten

Apr 17, 2025

Breed Triple Crown nominees
Roger Roger and Passion Rules
and name their foal Yes Yes I Will Yes

Rapture x Exuberant Mischief = Rupture

Maitre D x Mistress = Maitre DD

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Hello.

Thirty years ago, a hardbitten journalist by the name of Mike Hammer, like the guy in the detective stories, came to us with a contest idea. In addition to being an Invitational fan, Mike was a horse racing aficionado, and he noted the tradition of naming racehorses by alluding to the name of either or both parents, the way that Man O’ War was the sire of War Admiral. How about if we do it with Invite-level wordplay? Every year since, our “breeding” contest has consistently been our most popular, drawing thousands of entries — usually including Mike’s.

For Invitational Week 120: At this link (tinyURL.com/inv-horses-2025) is a list of 100 of the hundreds of 3-year-old racehorses nominated for the 2025 Triple Crown races: the Kentucky Derby, Preakness Stakes, and Belmont Stakes. “Breed” any two names on that list and name the “foal” to humorously play off both parents’ names, as in the examples above. (Yes, we know they’re almost all male. Maybe they’ll adopt.) You may submit as many as 25 pairings.

On the same link above, beneath the list of names, are the dozens of inking entries from last year’s contest. You’ll get a good idea of what we’re looking for.

Note these Hard ’n’ Fast Rules!
— As in thoroughbred racing, a name may not exceed 18 characters including spaces, but those characters may include punctuation and numerals. You may run words together to save space, but we strongly favor names that are easy to read (capitalizing the individual words helps).

— Please write each entry in the A x B = C format of the examples above so we can sort the thousands of entries by horse-parent name. Just like this:
Hancock x Stoke the Fire = Stroke the Fire
NOTE: If you have several entries using the same horse, each entry has to be full, like the one above.

— Don’t give a foal a name that’s already on the list; such an entry never gets ink.

Deadline is Saturday, April 26, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, May 1, two days before Derby Day.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-120. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form.

When we run the results two weeks from now, we’ll have our annual spinoff contest, to breed any two of the winning names to name a “grandfoal.” (So if you’re not a yearly Gene Pool subscriber, a measly $5 for a one-month subscription will let you enter the foal and grandfoal contests, along with the almost daily riches of Gene’s oeuvre, plus get all the other Pool noodles.)

So push this button already!

The winner of this year’s Kentucky Derby gets a blanket of roses and $3.1 million. But you could score a mini-lamp in the shape of a chicken who’s beginning to lay a lightbulb egg.

Sorry, a real egg was too expensive. This week’s prize lamp.

Once More With Fill-In: The crossword clues of Week 118

In Invitational Week 118 we presented you with a partially finished NYT Sunday crossword grid and asked you to fill in any of the Acrosses or Downs with your choice of letters, then supply a funny clue. Some winners this week are in the cryptic-crossword style, in which the clue plays on the letters of the word, not just its meaning — like this one by Howard Walderman: OBES: Slightly overweight.

While the blank squares allowed for lots of variety, especially in those long phrases that span the grid, there was still some duplication; too many people to credit translated 85A (DR_N_H) as DR. INCH, an ED specialist.

Third runner-up:
40 Across (_ CH _ ES ): ACHIES: What owies become as you get older
(Bruce Johnson, Churchton, Md.; Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

Second runner-up:
103 Across ( _R_N_): ARKNE: The heart of darkness (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

First runner-up:
99 Across (R_AD_E_WE_ _T_E_IN_S): RYADZEXWEZOTYEZINXS: The latest drug advertised on TV, with the warning “People allergic to Ryadzexwezotyezinxs should not take Ryadzexwezotyezinxs” (Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

And the winner of the framed portrait of Donald Trump made out of genuine covfefe grounds (runner-up in our food-art contest):
49 Down (JU_T_S): JUST US: What’s left once the courts are gone
(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)

Now, the Gene Pool Gene Poll:

As always, if you think the best among today’s inking entries were unjustly buried in the honorable mentions, shout out your favorites in the comments.

Not a Clue: Honorable mentions

1A: PAMP: He coddles his hookers (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

2D: ALOHO: A greeting with a lay (Kevin Dopart)

4D: POTTY PICS: An even worse social media trend than food photos (Jesse Frankovich, Laingsburg, Mich.)

10D: BANG ME: A first-date request that generally results in no second date (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

11D: MIME: “Auntie ____,” the shortest-lived Broadway musical (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

13A: CHUMS: Fishing buddies (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

15D: NINE DOLLARS: What Yo Mama charges the baseball team (Jeff Shirley)

22A: TRIAL: A period that comes before a sentence (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

23A: LOOB: Moisturizing nipple cream (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)

27A: TESTS DECIDE THE BOINK: How can you tell if I’m the father? (Jeff Shirley)

27A: TARTS DERIDE THE BOINK: Another bad poll for Trump (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)

28D: SUXE: The opposite of luxe (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

33A: BETTA: How butta makes matza taste (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

34D: ASSALT: What it’s like when they dumped half the shaker into your movie popcorn (Judy Freed)

34D: ASSOLÉ: The annoying drunken Spaniard at the bullfight (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

34D: ASSFLY: Levi’s “trapdoor” jeans were its worst-selling model ever (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

35A: PREHISTORIC PERIODS: Why Oog wife invent maxipelt (Jesse Frankovich)

44A: AIRS: They’re often put on to accessorize an Armani suit (Jon Ketzner)

50D: ENOS: A crooked nose (Jeff Contompasis)

52A: JUGS BY THE POUND: A chain of discount implant clinics (Jeff Contompasis)

52A: PUNS BE THY PRUNE: Shakespearean insult meaning “your humor is the pits” (Kevin Dopart)

52A : NUNS BY THE P-FUNK: “Sister Act” remake by George Clinton (Sam Mertens)

52A: BUYS BOTH A PRUNE: What Mom does when the twins can’t poop (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

56D: WUNCE: How many times Danny Quayle did his spelling homework (Judy Freed)

57A: NOBULL: Another prize that Donald Trump is not going to win (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

61A: COVERY: One’s first return to health (Gregory Koch, Falls Church, Va.)

62A: GRIM MEN IN THEATERS: Drama critics. (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

62A: GRIP MEN IN THEATERS: Dating advice from Lauren Boebert (Sam Mertens; Jesse Frankovich)

65D: EENY: The first word spoken by Trump when given a set of strategic options (Jonathan Jensen)

70A: BONES IN MY ASHES: Crematorium one-star review (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.)

70A: DANES IN A LATHER: Result of Trump’s Greenland remarks (Michael Stein)

78A: BOE: To ruin an airplane. “Whoa, did you see that panel pop out? They sure are boeing things up these days.” (Michael Stein)

81A: ACME: The god of anvils (Jeff Contompasis)

87A: POSTGRADUATE LEGREE: What you get when you've mastered the finer points of inhumanity. “Trump officials defended ICE detention practices, insisting that all the agents had earned postgraduate legrees.” (Duncan Stevens)

87A: POSTGRADUATE REGRET: “And I thought majoring in DEI would open doors for me” (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) .

89D: U.S. FINE: 1. Claim made by our President. 2. The price we are all paying. (Judy Freed)

91D: EXTIME: Those awkward minutes of small talk when you drop the kids off with the cheater. (Bruce Johnson)

92D: GO-EF-ME: Site to raise money for your sex dungeon (Sam Mertens)

93A: BEERD: This guy (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

95A: DOGEDIVE: What Tesla stock is taking (Jesse Frankovich)

99A: READ BETWEEN THE WINES: A combination poetry slam and happy hour (Tom Witte)

99A: READ BETWEEN THE KINKS: How to find a meaningful relationship on a fetish dating site (Michael Stein)

106A: AMIMA: Palindrome answered by a pregnancy test (Jeff Shirley)

108A: ONEST: “I not only outrank every President, I am the Number ___ ever” (Frank Osen)

And Last:
106A: AI INK: What the Invitational will soon be full of (Jonathan Jensen)

The headline “Once More With Fill-In” is by Chris Doyle; Chris also wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, April 19: Our contest for … well, just click on the box below and take a look.

The Invitational Week 119: Step Into the Void

Pat Myers and Gene Weingarten

Apr 10

Read full story

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Now we seamlessly segue into the Real-Time portion of The Gene Pool, where Gene answers your questions and observations in real time. Many of today’s Q’s and A’s are in response to his call, in the Weekend Gene Pool, for examples of technological things you learned WAY later than you should have. As always, send your new questions and observations here, to the new questions and observations button:

NQAOB

Q: Recently on a long road trip with my sister in my 15-year-old car, I, being old, got tired, and my baby sister, not as old, volunteered to drive. But, she said, I must raise the seat up - it’s too low. I had no idea you could do that. It’s made a huge difference. Now I can see the road which is very useful.

A: Wait. What?

Hang on a second.

Holy Cow!

It is 6:50 in the a.m. as i write this. I just went out to my 2008 Honda Accord and discovered, for the first time, that you can do this. It’s a mechanical, not electronic thing. You grab the lever on the left side of the seat, the one that lets the back of the seat recline, but don’t lift it all the way. Just continually pump it up or down. It pumps you up and down.

All hail your sister. My God.

Did anyone else not know this, especially with older-model cars? Go try it.

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Q: This is an earth-shattering discovery which I made when I was about 63 years old: I always had a struggle with plastic food wrap. It stuck to itself much more readily than it ever stuck to anything else and the whole roll used to pop annoyingly out of the box at the critical moment when I was trying to tear the wrap. One day, I was idly studying the box and noticed that there are two nice, round, perforated punchouts - one on each end. You simply push these rounds into the ends of the box and the tabs hold the roll in place. I was stunned. It turns out that nearly ALL types of food wrap boxes offer the same feature. Mirabile dictu!

A: Presenting: Omigod II.

I just now went to the cabinet and punched in the punchouts. For the first time. Rolls out like a dream.

This may be the greatest Gene Pool episode EVER.

TIMELY TIP: If you’re reading this on an email: Just click on the headline in the email and it will deliver you to the full column online. Keep refreshing the screen to see the new questions and answers that appear as I regularly update the post.

Here is the button you now click on if you think the information provided above was alone worth the full price of admission to The Gene Pool Upper Echelon:

And here is the button you now click on if you think The Gene Pool is not worth the price of admission:

Not worth it.

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Let’s go.

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Q: When will the Invite next have a song parody contest? We need to cheer ourselves up by writing and singing insulting songs about people we hate. I do it all the time, it's very fun to do when I'm alone in my apartment and nobody can hear me to sing songs about Trump going to prison.

A: This is not a letter we made up. It really came in two days ago.

The song parody contest is next week. Hint: It will be about current events.

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Q: Speaking of cars and your ignorance about them, I remember long, long ago when the biggest problem with your car was cockroaches. The main thing between the driver and passenger was a large can of Raid. If I shouldn't be saying this, I take it back. – Robert Basler.

A: This is from one of my oldest friends. I don’t mean to imply that Bob is really old, I am saying I have known him for a long time. Though he is also really old.

We knew each other as callow twenty-something reporters in Albany, N.Y. in the early 1970s. Bob, there is no reason that you should take this memory back. It is true. And I publish it with pride. Just don’t EVER tell the readers about the thing you recently remember having happened one day in 1975 or so when you unexpectedly showed up at the home of a mutual friend of ours. OK? We’re good on that … right, old buddy? You’re not that old, actually.

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Q: I'm 55. I learned a few months ago that you can open a Ricola cough drop or a Lindt chocolate by just pulling on the ends of the wrapper, as shown at 0:17 of this.

I always twisted each end open.

A: Uh, okay. That’s really dumn. That is dumber than my not knowing you can raise and lower the driver’s seat.

Q: A ways back, my wife gave to me a handsome brown leather belt which I appreciated and wore constantly. I am not someone who worries much ( I.e. not at all) about coordinating my stupid belt with my generally haphazard sartorial choices. But one day I did tell my wife I’d like a black version of the swell belt she’d given me previously. She had me remove that brown belt. She then gave the buckle a yank, flipped the belt to its reversible black side and returned it to me. If she had said “ Mr. Watson, come here,” I would not have been more amazed.

Jon Ketzner

A: You are a brave man to admit this, Jon

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Q: Pronunciation: Floor-i-da or Flahr-i-da?

A: The second. But that is just part of a huge swath of discrepancy of pronunciation of the “or” sound. It is best epitomized by the pronunciation of “orange,” which I pronounced AHR-enge but I suspect most people pronounce OAR-enge. This led to a fight I once had with a reader who insisted that contrary to popular belief, there is indeed a perfect rhyme of “orange” – “door hinge.”

In fact, we have an emergency Gene Pool here.

Q: In your piece this week about your grandfather, you imply he was a closet anarchist, burn-it-all down kind of guy. That is the same nihilistic spirit that informs many Trump voters. The bottom 50% of Americans own 3% of the country’s wealth. You often seem surprised, smugly condescending in fact, that those folks support Trump’s efforts to blow the established order to smithereens. It’s totally fucked them over so why not? Where’s the downside, to them? I think Grandpa might agree. I think Grandpa might have offered his services to January 6th defendants against a DoJ gone bonkers in prosecutorial overreach. Sounds like a cool guy.

A: He might have defended the January 6 people, but never Trump himself. The thing that galled him more than anything else in the world was the abuse of government power to crush vulnerable people.

Q: Re: The Story about your grandfather: It was so very refreshing to see the word gunsel outside of "The Maltese Falcon." – Bob Basler

Bob, I seem to recall you admire Dashiell Hammett, though you pronounced it Hommit, which was deeply pretentious, like calling a foyer a “foy-yay.” So I imagine you know this, which I lifted from the Duluth Reader by a writer named Jim Lundstrom:

Hammett once used a corrupted Yiddish word to pull the wool over his jittery editor’s eyes in 1929 when the Black Mask ran the serialized version of his The Maltese Falcon, which would be released as a novel in 1930.

Hammett’s editor objected to his use of the word “catamite” in referring to Casper Gutman’s gunman Wilmer Cook. A catamite is “a boy kept by an older man for homosexual practices.”

Oh, my, we can’t have people reading that.

OK, Hammett said, you don’t like catamite. How about gunsel?

Thinking it was another word for a torpedo or hit man, the editor agreed and, without knowing what the result would be, Hammett singlehandedly brought the word into Hollywood lexicon.

Gunsel is taken from the Yiddish word gendzel, meaning little goose. Somehow, the corrupted form, gunsel, became the term for a young homosexual male in convict and tramp circles.

The Maltese Falcon was filmed three times, with the most famous version being the last, the 1941 John Huston-directed classic starring Humphrey Bogart as private eye Sam Spade.

“Keep that gunsel away from me while you’re making up your mind. I’ll kill him,” Bogie tells Gutman.

Once Bogie referred to Wilmer, played by a very young Elisha Cook, as a cheap gunsel, scriptwriters everywhere perked up their ears and began to use the word gunsel to mean a gunslinging henchman.

That must have made Hammett laugh.

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Q: When I was a student nurse, we had required uniforms that were a little complicated, a kind of dress-with-a-pinafore look. I wore mine for a good 6 weeks (washing it several times) before I accidentally discovered it had POCKETS! What a miracle!

A: In my last house, my refrigerator had a little container in the door. Didn’t look like a container – looked just like the wall of the refrigerator – , and had to be opened by flicking a nearly invisible lever. I learned about it just before I moved after 15 years. I concluded it was for hiding your stash from the cops. Though clearly the cops would know about it, like they’d know about the openable armrest in most cars.

Q: My wife is from a more mechanically inclined family than mine. One night early in our marriage, we got into my elderly car and found it wouldn't start. She suggested I pop the clutch.

Do what?

She talked me through it: Put it in neutral, get it rolling downhill, depress the clutch fully, then release it. The car lurched, hard, and started. I was, she said, like a kid at Christmas. I always tried to park on hills thereafter.

Then there was the time she explained that my car had fuses, and they were probably why the headlights had stopped working.

- Alan

A: Thank you. I was rolling and popping at 20, but only because I had a crappy old car, and had to do it a lot.

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Q: I was 64 years old when I learned from driving with my younger sister that the driver's side sun visor can be pulled out and extended to change the coverage area. Also I have never used Cruise Control because my ex-H always did it wrong and scarred me. And scared me. – Theresa Defino

A: Thanks, Theresa. Good to hear from you again. And yes, this made me laugh for reasons we both know.

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Q: Hi, I'm not writing about things I don't know about (of which there are plenty!) but since you were talking about intermittent wipers (specifically, the control switch for varying the speed of the intermittent wiper) I thought you'd be interested to know that there was actually a patent dispute about the intermittent wiper itself -- there was even a movie made about it! (Bonus: the inventor was a local resident.) More info is here.

A: Yes, this is a great story. We’ll end with this one so readers will have time to read it.

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Please keep sending in Questions and Observations. We need them.