The Invitational Week 11: Hello, Dall-E!

Our new contest partners you and a machine. How's that gonna work out? Plus winning pangrams of movie titles.

Today The Gene Pool’s weekly Invitational episode will take a stutter-step into the great unknown, walk a dental-floss tightrope without a net, and whatever other metaphors for recklessness you’d like to apply. We have created a contest genre we’ve never tried — relying, for the first time, on the actions of a third party we do not control. There is no precedent, and there are no guarantees. We’re going to ask you to use an artificial-intelligence site to create funny images, and we will give you not much help after that. Whee.

But first, a one-question Gene Pool Gene Poll. This week, a veteran, respected reporter named Ben Montgomery was fired by Axios for this offense: He’d gotten a press release from the state of Florida reporting that Governor Ron DeSantis had hosted a roundtable discussion on “Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives, [and] Critical Race Theory (CRT).” DeSantis, it said, has attacked these programs and written a series of releases called “Exposing the DEI Scam,” likening them to “political indoctrination” pushed on people by “the woke mob.” 

Montgomery sent an email to the DeSantis administration, saying that that press release was not a press release at all but “propaganda.” The DeSantis administration tweeted out that email, suggesting the media was biased against the governor. A few hours later, Montgomery got a call from his boss, firing him. She said “Your reputation has been irreparably tarnished in the Tampa Bay area and, because of that, we have to terminate you,’’ and apparently took no questions.

That’s pretty much it. You can read more about it here, if you want.

Our poll:

I hope we’ll be talking more about this today. On to The Invitational.

The Invitational, Week 11, Hello Dall-E, by Empress Pat Myers and Czar Gene Weingarten

A week ago we asked you to go back to the 20th century to enter contests from 1993, the Invitational’s first year. Today, very gingerly and with some trepidation, we peer into the future.

For Week 11: Get the artificial-intelligence site Dall-E 2 to create an image that is funny. You type in what you want to see, and Dall E paints, sculpts, cartoons, photographs whatever you ask for, theoretically brilliantly. It happens in seconds. Sometimes it succeeds, as in the illo of the Czar atop The Gene Pool, by Dali, through Dall-E. Sometimes Dall0E fails, sometimes spectacularly. Both results can be funny, if properly prompted and explained by you. Sometimes the artwork itself — if cleverly conceived by you and executed by Dall E — will be all you need to communicate the humor, but sometimes, the humor will require you to explain what it represents. Your call. We will give you no further guidance for fear of limiting the range of your creativity. Here is how to do it:

1. Go to openai.com/product/dall-e-2 ,  click on “Try Dall-E,” and set up a free account if you’re asked to.
2.  Then, at the prompt at the top of the page, supply a request for a specific picture,  e.g. “A can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup painted in the style of Pablo Picasso.”   Or: “Draw a manga cartoon of a hamster devouring a locomotive.” Wait a minute (or maybe just a few seconds) and see what you get — probably several choices. 
3.  Try as many times as you need to get what you want. Choose a favorite and download it to your computer by hovering on the top right of the picture; three dots will appear. Click on the dots and select "Download."    
4.   Upload up to 10 pictures on this week’s entry form (bit.ly/inv-form-11).  A few more instructions — including what to do if you’re having trouble — are on the form itself.

NEW! Starting this week:  Finally, after three months of free lunch, you need to be a paying subscriber to enter The Invitational.  On the entry form, be sure to note the email address associated with your Substack account, and we’ll look you up.

Deadline is 4 p.m. ET Saturday, March 25. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, March 30.

“Mana Lisa,” pride of the Museum of Bad Art.

The winner receives the book “The Museum of Bad Art: Masterworks,” a pre-Dall-E collection celebrating such indelible images as “Mana Lisa” above.  First Offenders receive the Fir Stink for their first ink: a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener.”   

The results of Week 9 are below, but first, two paragraphs of boring but necessary boilerplate:

After the intro (which you are reading now), there will be some early questions and answers  added on –  and then I'll keep adding them as the hour progresses and your fever for my opinions grows and multiplies and metastasizes.  To see those later Q&As,  just refresh your screen every once in a while. 

As always, you can also leave comments. They’ll congregate at the bottom of the post, and allow you to annoy and hector each other and talk mostly amongst yourselves. Though we will stop in from time to time.

FLIX MIX: Movie Pangrams from Week 9 of The Invitational

In Week 9 we asked you to use all the letters in a movie title — as often as you liked — to create a new title.  In anguished communications with his Gene Pool partner, The Czar doubted whether we’d get enough good material for this contest, but within one minute of starting to read the Empress’s first-cut list,  he had to call her on the actual oral phone (we almost always IM or email) to report that he couldn’t stop laughing.   And he had only read the very first entry, as it were, about Deep Throat.  

Third runner-up: REAR WINDOW > WOW, A WIDE REAR … AND RAW!:  Jimmy Stewart finds something else to train his binoculars on. (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.) 

Second runner-up: GONE WITH THE WIND > OH GOD, HOW THE WHITE WHINE: Scarlett O’Hara’s descendants mourn the passing of a way of life in modern-day America. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)  

First runner-up: A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN > A GULAG OF THEIR OWN: It’s not hijinks that ensue after the Russian women’s basketball team denounces the war in Ukraine. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) 

And the winner of the Panic Pete classic stress toy:
SOYLENT GREEN > ELON LOSES, GETS GORY: A suddenly cash-strapped CEO tries to save money by firing half his workers and feeding them to the other half. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)  

HORRIBLE MATINEES > HONORABLE MENTIONS 

POPEYE > POPE YE: The rapper formerly known as Kanye West drops his presidential ambitions in favor of pursuing the papacy, saying the Vatican is the one place he knows THEY don’t control. (Jon Carter, Fredericksburg, Va.)

ANATOMY OF A MURDER > UNDER A MEAT MART: EYE, EAR, ARM, TUMMY, FANNY, FOOT, AND TOE:  A psycho butcher runs a surreptitious sideline selling “exotic cuts” out of his basement.  (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

GROUNDHOG DAY > HUNGARY, URUGUAY, UGANDA, ANDORRA! A weatherman stuck in a time loop in Punxsutawney, Pa., gets bored and takes to reciting all the countries of the world during his report.  (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) 

NETWORK > OK, REWORK TONE NOW:  A burned-out news anchor, after counseling,  modulates his message to “I’m mildly annoyed but I will take it for the time being.” (Duncan Stevens) 

PINOCCHIO > POPPIN’ INCH:  A puppet discovers things about being a “real boy” that nobody told him before. (Mark Raffman)  

FIELD OF DREAMS > DILDO OF DREAMS:  “If you build it, they will come.” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) 

GONE WITH THE WIND > NO WIN? WING IT NOW. DO NOT GET DOWN WHEN DONE!: Long-defeated Confederates rally to rewrite history and spread “Lost Cause” mythology. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

SPOTLIGHT > POST LIGHT:  Docudrama about the downsizing of a great metropolitan paper. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

STAR WARS > TSAR’S WAR:  The Empire Strikes First. (Jeff Contompasis)  

THE NAME OF THE ROSE > THE ERROR OF THE ENEMAS: A medieval abbey has to be evacuated after friars are given sin-cleansing colonics. (Chris Doyle) 

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS > THE MISCHIEF OF THE CANNIBAL:  Hannibal Lecter has a DoorDash guy de-livered. (Jesse Frankovich)

DEEP THROAT > THE ODD PETER EATER: Linda Lovelace returns from the dead. (Neal Starkman, Seattle)

ANIMAL HOUSE >  HEY, I’M A LEMON MOUSSE!:  John Belushi’s zit impersonation gets a makeover for a food fight set at the Escoffier School of Culinary Arts.  (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) 

AMADEUS > MAD ASS DUDE: In a somber sequel, Salieri goes insane with anger and envy over his realization he will never escape from the genius of Mozart, and begins writing increasingly idiotic ditties, including the original versions of “MacArthur Park” and “Havin’ My Baby.” (Dave Airozo)  

APOLLO 13 > 1 LOO, ALL 3 POOP, LOL: Mission Control pranks the crew by mixing Ex-Lax with their Tang. (Mark Raffman)

BAMBI >  I AM BI: A courageous young deer faces adversity when Florida’s governor declares open season. (Mark Raffman) 

CINDERELLA > LICE-RIDDEN AND ACID-LADEN IN A CELLAR:   Memoir of a nightmarish youth —including the time the author tripped on LSD and thought she went to a ball and met a prince, only to wake up covered in mice and pumpkin detritus with her foot stuck in a Mason jar. (Jon Carter) 

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND > HOST TUCKER C. — INDECENT, CHILDISH, FULL-OF-SHIT DUNCE — IS SECRET UFO ET: The aliens plant an agent to stunt the advancement of human civilization.  (Jon Carter)  

FORREST GUMP > MUPPET FROG SUES FOR STUMPS: The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company has expanded into frog legs, and now legless Kermit — no longer able to ride a bicycle — leads a class action lawsuit on behalf of his fellow amphibious amputees. (Jon Carter)  

GONE WITH THE WIND > I WON’T DINE TONIGHT: Scarlett O’Hara has eaten her last turnip.  (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore) 

ISHTAR > I SHART: The daily life of the head of Columbia Pictures during the filming of what will clearly become a  spectacularly costly, legendary box office bomb. (Stu Segal, Southeast U.S.)  

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR  > HE JUST SHARES SCRIPTURES:  Jesus of Nazareth arrives in Jerusalem to proclaim the word of God. Nothing else happens. (Laura Clairmont, Venice, Fla.)  

LASSIE > AISLES: Timmy has to be rescued after getting hopelessly lost at a Walmart Supercenter. (Jeff Contompasis)

MARY POPPINS > NANNY’S MINOR SPOON:  A governess changes the behavior of her unruly charges with some special Colombian medicine. (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)  

MONEYBALL > NOBLY MALE: MLB encourages less blatant crotch adjustments and spitting in an attempt to gentrify the game. (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.) 

MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON > GEORGE SANTOS SHOWS HIM A GOOD TIME:  A new congressman is thrilled to be escorted around town  by a Nobel Prize-winning  military hero. (Chris Doyle)

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE > EAT MY TOE, YA DIPPY PIMPLED PEON: Same movie told from a bully’s point of view. (Jon Gearhart) 

PLATOON > PANTALOON: In this alternative-history film, a woke, emasculated U.S. military gets crushed in World War II.  (Chris Doyle)

REAR WINDOW > I WON A RARE DARWIN AWARD!:  A super-stupid ghost returns to Earth to brag about his accomplishment. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) 

RAMBO > ROOMBA BOMB: A muscle-bound Vietnam vet employed as a housekeeper discovers that with a little ingenuity, anything can be a weapon. (Duncan Stevens)

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN > THE MAN’S AMAZING DIAPERS: The  superhero gets a suit that keeps him on the job 24/7. “With great power comes great absorbability.”  (Chris Doyle)  

THE ENGLISH PATIENT > THE THINGLESS PATIENT: A reissue of “The Sun Also Rises.” (Jesse Frankovich)

THE BOYS IN THE BAND > THAT BEHIND IS SO BONY!: As the evening progresses at Michael and Donald’s party, the snark gets more and more personal. (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

THE GODFATHER >  HEDGEHOG HEAD? FROG? EGRET?   When no horses are available, Don Corleone ponders other options for threatening a snitch. (Duncan Stevens) 

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS >  MOSES: THE CON MAN AND THE STONE:  A “prophet” goes up a mountain and carves some tablets. (Mark Raffman)  

TRAINSPOTTING > TRANS SPOTTING: A new training film for prosecutors in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. (Chris Doyle)

And Last:  PLANET OF THE APES > PLANET OF THE TASTELESS PEOPLE: Invitational Losers colonize Uranus.  (Jesse Frankovich) 

The headline “Flix Mix” is by Jesse Frankovich; Neil Kurland wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Thanks to Loser Gary Crockett for electronically validating today’s inking entries.

Still running – deadline 4 p.m. Saturday, March 18:  Our Week 10 contest to enter any of the contests from The Invitational’s debut year, 1993.   Click here or type in bit.ly/inv-week-10. 

Banter and share humor with the Losers and the Empress in the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook; join (tell them you came from The Gene Pool) and the Devs will anagram your name every which way. And see more than 1,000 classic Invite entries in graphic form, also on FB, at Style Invitational Ink of the Day.

And now for your questions and my answers:

Q: You can attend one concert of a now-deceased musician … who is it?

A: Franz Liszt, so long as it includes Hungarian Rhapsody #2, then Buddy Holly, then Bessie Smith. 

Q: So how is it going with the harmonica?

A: Not so great.  Haven’t played in front of anyone but my dog since 2019 at the Miami Book Fair, with Dave Barry and the Rock Bottom Remainders.  I can assure you I’ve gotten no better since.  (That’s Carl Hiaasen between Dave and me. )

Q: This is Gene. Just alerting you to this wonderful thing.

TIMELY TIP: If you're reading this on an email:   Click here to get to my webpage, now, then click on the top headline (In this case, “The Invitational, Week 11” for my full column, and comments, and real-time questions and answers, and be able to refresh and see new questions and answers that appear as I regularly update the post.

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Q: Having never heard you speak, I read all of your newsletters in a concocted voice in my head. Last week I realized that it's just Bob Garfield's. Is that okay?  – - Seth   

A: Yes. I would give almost anything for Bob’s voice.  He’s got a voice for radio.  I have a voice for newspapers. I sound like a man tragically born with a kazoo in his nose.  I am adenoidal. 

Q: Regarding one of your comments on daylight savings time, I’m reminded of the story of the man whose father died and left him his collection of 27 grandfather clocks. The poor guy spent the rest of his life winding up the estate.

A: I  like that, and surprisingly never heard it before.  I should have further explained why it is so hard to set an antique clock back.   In most old mechanical pendulum clocks, you change the time by moving the hands.  But you cannot move the hands backwards or you break the clock.  

Q: You mentioned noticing that the within-chat back and forth seems to not operate at the same level that it did in the WaPo chat sessions. While we can't see the numbers for either chat, my guess is that the overall participation numbers are significantly lower for this chat than the previous version, due to the relatively selective nature of the people coming to find this chat here. My suggestion: take out an ad in the Post indicating that this chat (and the Style Invitational) is now a going concern elsewhere. You'll catch the same eyeballs that were likely noticing your chats being hyped weekly on the Post website, and it will remind people about all of the great content that the Post got rid of for various lame reasons. Plus, you know, the little poke in the eye aspect.

A:   This might be brilliant! 

Q: You recently wrote that you rarely laugh out loud when you’re reading something funny. Do you think most people are like that? I ask because I frequently laugh when I’m reading, sometimes I’m literally crying. Dave Barry’s writing has affected me that way more than once. Maybe that’s why people stare when I read funny stuff in public. Is this sort of thing really that unusual ?

A: I think it is.  But when I was the editor of the Miami Herald’s Sunday magazine, Tropic, the moment I decided to hire Dave Barry was the moment I read his piece in the Philly Inquirer about natural childbirth, the first thing I’d ever seen by him, and realized, to my astonishment, that I was laughing out loud. 

Q: Apparently the bank run was due to rumors spread on a billionaire chat. What other havoc could we cause by infiltrating billionaire chat rooms and starting rumors?

A: So do you think billionaires converse on a chat room?  Do you think any chat room that advertises it is for billionaires has even a single billionaire in it, or anyone older than about 19?

Q: What is the volume of a pizza of radius z and height a?

A: I believe it is pi Z squared times A .   And yes, pie-pi. 

Q: Gene: "But you cannot move the hands backwards or you break the clock." Me: Hi, bro. That rule seems to work for life, too, unfortunately.

A: Indeed.

Q: Does it matter what Trump’s “second crime” is in New York State. He has the usual gangster committee, a designee, Michael Cohen, between him and trouble. And he may walk.

A: If he walks, I now believe it will be at the end of a ghastly, money and career shattering ordeal.

Q: You should have done the Dall-E contest BEFORE they tamed it down. When it first came out, you could make it draw all SORTS of stuff. Then they kinda Bowdlerized it. Nonethless, I think I shall give this contest a try. It's a challenge.

A: They do indeed seem to have developed some scruples. However you will find you can work around it. Yesterday Rachel asked it for a drawing of a “sexy” Corgi, and the results were kind of shocking.

Q: Was Axios justified in firing Ben Montgomery? Wrong question, I think. Axios is permitted to fire whomever they like. But they may well be narrow minded asshole scaredy-cats. That’s the question to pose in your poll, Gene.

A: Justified does not mean legally empowered to.

Q: The sitcom Community once had a wonderful exchange about “Jew” vs “Jewish.”

- Marc From the Military

A: Is your father Davy who’s still in the Navy? 

Q: Do you ever turn on the closed-captioning on your tv? Especially for us who are not hearing-impaired, live sporting events and local news captions are unintentionally but frequently hilarious!

Among the multitude of mistakes, often funny in their own right, are those that accidentally take on additional meaning. For example, sportscasters covering a Warriors basketball game were commenting that some teams were missing so many players due to injuries and COVID, they were temporarily signing anyone they could find. This was interrupted by a description of the action on the court. We heard, “Shot blocked by Dubs’ Kominga.” We read, “Shot blocked by Doug’s mom Inga.”

Some beg for punchlines: “Lots of changes for this Cincinnati Been Gals squad.” Yeah, last year they were in the Women’s Soccer League.

Sometimes the last caption will remain on the screen after going to a non-captioned commercial. The last line of dialogue between two cops searching through a dumpster was, “…if you like garbage.” That continued to display as the ad exclaimed, “DISH tv has the line-up for you!”

A: Fine stuff.

Q: What's the difference between a conservative commentator and a liberal commentator? One is called a conservative commentator; the other is called a commentator.

Does this still hold true?

A: Yes.  And you know what?  It DOES reflect media bias. 

Q: Looking through first-year contest results, I was surprised that in the euphemism contest you got away with Abortion=Near-Life Experience. I mean, the NYT didn’t even want to use “fetus” in Wordle. Then it occurred to me that you actually might have gotten flak for it. Did you? Are there other clever entries that caused trouble or angry harrumphs in “Free for All”? If not, do you chalk it up to different times or just flying under the radar?

A: No blowback.  In the early days, The Style Invitational had just become something of a cult phenomenon, and the Wapo left me alone, more or less.  And we had already gotten rid of any part of the readership that didn’t understand humor. Also, this was not THAT controversial – certainly defensible, epistemologically.   Whether or not you favor the right to abortion, being a fetus, even a small one, is a near-life experience.  Think of the googol number of possible people who never got that far, but got thrown away in a sweat sock or some such. 

Q: Gene, Do you ever wonder why the “concerned parents” who push for the removal of books that they deem to be obscene and age inappropriate from public school book shelves, never request the removal of the Bible from the same book shelves? It contains passages describing incest, rape, murder, mass murder, dismemberment, genocide, infanticide, just to name a few "age inappropriate topics."

A: No, I never wonder why, and neither do you. We know why.

Q: Did you know that if you multiply the repeating sequence of digits of 1/7 by the whole numbers 1 through 6, the results all contain the digits 1, 2, 4, 5, 7 and 8, but in different orders like a group of numerical anagrams?

A: I immediately sent this question to my brother, who immediately wrote back and confirmed it is true, for reasons no one can quite adequately explain.  He also said that if you move on to the digit seven, the pattern is 999999.  He suggested the answer might be related to the properties of nine, which are apparently unusual.  A conversation between him and a chatbot about this – which he shared with me – are indecipherable to a relatively normal person. 

Q: Who hacked into the Family Circus website? https://comicskingdom.com/family-circus/2023-03-14 (And of course the joke is that Mommy not only was but continues to be sexy.)

A: This IS kind of weird!  It’s weird mostly because a child is discussing the concept of “sexy,” of course.  I will observe that Thelma (you didn’t know the name, did you?) has a lovely behind, but her waist has an unattainably small diameter, and so she is deeply dangerous to body-conscious little girls, and must be destroyed.

Q: Hi Gene, longtime reader and Style Invitational fan here. These questions are for you and also for Pat. Do one or both of you worry that the Invitational will suffer because new people who in the past might have ended up as casual entrants A) won't know it exists and B) if they do come across it, might be put off by the entry fee? Relatedly, roughly how many entries have you been getting in this new format, compared to what Pat would get in the Post? Someone--not me, I'm not that much of a nudge--asked you this before, a few weeks ago, and you gave a joke answer. Wonder if you or Pat could give a real answer. Thanks.

A: This is from Pat:  Well, it's definitely become a more intimate contest;  if you pay attention to the names in the parentheses, you'll see far fewer new ones now, and more instances of top Losers getting four and five blots of ink in one swoop (see today's results).    We're having about half the number of people submitting in any given week; we no longer attract those casual readers who would just page through their Arts & Style section,  take the Invite into the john, and say, "Hmm, I could think of a joke for that."

      But the other part of your question:  Do we worry that The Invitational will suffer?  Not in quality!   Look at today's results -- they're funny as ever, and even quite varied, even though  we're working with a smaller pool of entrants.  Those entrants are good.   I'm happy to report that almost all the Losers who were regularly getting Invite ink have followed us to The Gene Pool.

      Still, we're always thrilled to see new names among the Losers -- and especially new names among those who get the ink.  We hope that, to start,  fans of the chat branch out into the Invite, and of course that we eventually gain readers and new contestants.

(By the way:  We don't see the entrants' names when we judge;  we look them up at the very end of the process.  I even mix up all the entries alphabetically when possible so I can't even tell how many we're choosing from a single person.)  

Q: What's the best way to avoid doing work while still appearing busy? Asking for a friend.

A: Be on the phone while typing.

Q: Gene: "Think of the googol number of possible people who never got that far, but got thrown away in a sweat sock or some such. " Or some such, yes. I once saw the following sentiment expressed: "If abortion is murder, is a blow job cannibalism?"

A: Very nice. The sweat sock line was stolen from Bill Hicks, who was pooh-poohing the miracle that women can give birth: “I wipe entire universes of people off my chest with a sweat sock every day. “

Q: What do you think the chances are of Trump winning the 2024 presidential election? Do you think DeSantis would be more disastrous for our country than Trump?

A: It’s like comparing the bite of a rattlesnake to the sting of a black widow spider.  I think DeSantis would be more disastrous.  I think he is smarter and nastier and even less willing to be dissuaded than Trump.  Trump is a buffoon.  DeSantis is a viper.

Q: With Trump doing his only human talent, trolling (his   non-competitor, not even declared) DeSantis.  isn't he giving away his aura, giving attention to someone not even his rival yet.  Of course, he is doing the only thing he ever could do.  What's wrong with his eyes, they've shrunk back into his head and are closed.

A: I think he’s panicked.  I think he believes he is running for his life – his freedom, actually.  I think he fears the only way he can avoid incarceration and financial ruin is if he delays, delays, then wins the presidency.  So he is making panicked decisions. As for his eyes, what is happening to him is what happens to Jack O’Lanterns when they get old and burned from within.  Things puff.  They collapse.  The eye holes contract.  They look deformed.

Q: Richard, temporarily from San Diego:  While driving Sunday, I watched someone speed down the break down lane to avoid the delays everyone else was experiencing. Gene, in your experience and vast research on human behavior, why do you think people break the rules / the law when they know it’s wrong?

A: Sometimes it’s wrong but still right.  Maybe even in this case.  I know this will be unpopular, but what is wrong with expanding a three lane highway to four, to relieve a jam, so long as you can ease back in if you can easily get back in if there is an ambulance or break down?  The speeding, I don’t like.  You know, it has been proven that the Zipper Effect in approaching an exit saves everyone time, as opposed to docilely forming an exit line a mile away.  But it’s considered gauche.  Yeah, I know, I am wrong and a pig. 

Q: I'd like to be identified by my dental records. 

A: I once wrote that this is the worst curse you can send someone: I hope you are someday identified through your dental records. 

Q: I agree a national divorce is a terrible idea - didn't work in the first Civil War, wouldn't work now. BUT clearly some things need to change. Abolishing the Electoral College is the obvious first solution but equally obviously won't happen. Serious election reform to prohibit gerrymandering (no matter what side it favors) and campaign contribution limits would also help, but won't happen because of the Supreme Court. So I fear we're going to continue ripping at the seams, and I don't know what it will take to restore a sense of sanity. I legitimately fear for my kids, and am encouraging them to look at colleges abroad for their post-BS degrees so they have a leg up getting living & working permissions in another country. No question, just glad to have a forum for sharing my angst and knowing there's a chance someone will have something meaningful to share in response.   -KJS

A: I agree.  I also think the two-senators-per-state-regardless-of-size  is a deeply antiquated system that gives certain people’s votes vastly more power than others.  Alas, it’s in the Constitution and will never be amended BECAUSE OF THE TWO-SENATOR-PER-STATE thing. I will open this to the public. 

Q: If the Empress were a real Empress and the Czar were a real Czar, what countries would you Empress and Czar over?

A: The Empress would rule over a very nice, pleasant  country, like Norway, and she would cede her power to the masses.   I would tyrannize a place with good seafood, interesting wildlife,  and docile people, like, maybe,  Sri Lanka.   

Q: Is Week 11 about how people pretentiously virtue signal as annoying self-aggrandizement?

Example: People who post on FaceBook "I'm so happy for Ke Huy Quan's Best Supporting Actor Oscar.  I've been following his struggle for recognition for years."  Virtue signal processing result: "I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom once."

A: Being one who has long appreciated wisdom and humor, I agree with your sentiments. 

Q: "Relatively normal person?" Hey, bro. If I thought you were a relatively normal person, I wouldn't have sent you the explanation.....

A: Understood. But I’m bad at math.

Q: Gene --- Re: L'affaire Montgomery, the question I have to ask is why bother sending the email in the first place ? It's not as if the so-called press release was probably the first one of its kind he got ? Very odd to me, unless he decided he had had enough of DeSantis. Strikes me as likely suicide by email. His firing was wrong. Full stop. But then what to expect from wanna-be journos and their masters these days ? Dale of Green Gables.

A: He sent it because he was grumpy and harried. It happens. And reporters are allowed to grump and gribe and bait and flatter and do other things to keep up a private dialogue with sources.

This is Gene. I am calling us down for the day. Thanks. But I have a departing message. A half century ago plus, during Mao’s reign in China, it is said that the country solved a fly infestation by sending swatters to every citizen with orders to kill 20 flies a day. MINIMUM. Your quota is one question by the end of the day, sent here. If you are a good citizen of the People’s Republic of Gene Pool, you will do it. See you Tuesday.