My husband’s favorite joke is a visual one that might not translate well to this venue but here goes: why is shit tapered on the ends? So your asshole doesn’t slam shut. The joke comes with a hand gesture of slamming your hand shut, not an actual asshole shot, but it is way funnier with the hand gesture.
The joke that made me unexpectedly laugh out loud (and considering my personal feeling on the subject, when I laughed, I was appalled at myself for laughing) was: “What does a woman do when she gets back from the abused women’s shelter?” Answer: The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her.
I miss Richard Jeni - smart, funny, and quite a looker. I blame his political science degree for his depression. When I worked in the political science office at a university that shall remain nameless, I had a Jeni quote on my door that pissed off the political science faculty to the point that someone would tear it down at least once a week (I had a pile of them in my office and would just tape another to the door to replace it).
The joke I had posted on my office door was Jeni’s joke about his political science degree - he asked his professor what he could do with his political science degree and the professor responded “You can teach other people political science.” So Jeni asked, “And what can THEY do with the political science degree?” The professor replied, “They can teach political science.” That’s when he realized; this wasn’t college - it was a pyramid scheme. It was Amway with a track team.”
Rep. Trone meets Ritchie Boy Gideon Kantor when announcing the Ritchie Boys Congressional Gold Medal Act’s introduction at Camp Ritchie, Maryland last year
I was proud to re-introduce the Ritchie Boys Congressional Gold Medal Act with Senator Ben Cardin to grant long overdue recognition to the Ritchie Boys for their contributions during World War II. One of the greatest war stories never told, the Ritchie Boys were a group of 15,200 servicemembers – many of whom were Jewish refugees from Europe – who trained in United States Army Intelligence methods at Camp Ritchie, Maryland. This group of American heroes played a vital role in intelligence gathering, with over 60% of actionable intelligence in Europe coming from the Ritchie Boys during the war. By awarding them the Congressional Gold Medal, we ensure their legacy is preserved for future generations to honor and learn from.
The bee joke is very like the hobby joke on one the 1960s "You Don't Have to Be Jewish" comedy records. It went something like this: "Max, you're too tense. You need to relax. You should get a hobby." "A hobby?" "Yeah, a hobby, like me, I keep bees." "You keep bees?" "Yeah, I get a big glass jar, and I fill it full of bees, and I watch them. It's very relaxing." "So what, you give the bees food and water?" "No." "You poke holes in the lid so the bees can breathe?" "No." "So what happens to the bees?" "They die." "They die?!!!" "So who cares, it's only a hobby."
Gene: Ever since the "ru ru" joke, I have known you are miles ahead of me. But to do my contribution (and not to match) I have one: Young man to his sister: "You make love just like Mom. She: " know. That is what Dad says." Was it "ro ro?" Too lazy to check.
If you really want to confuse the kids, try to explain the considerations that go into the rarely well-executed and declining hit-and-run play, then throw in recent rule changes like the pitch clock, the elimination of the shift, bigger bases and a limit to how many times a pitcher can disengage from the rubber (for pick-off attempts, for example). Should provide enough quizzical looks and "But whys ?" to last into extra innings. Should also keep you from eating that third hotdog.
My husband’s favorite joke is a visual one that might not translate well to this venue but here goes: why is shit tapered on the ends? So your asshole doesn’t slam shut. The joke comes with a hand gesture of slamming your hand shut, not an actual asshole shot, but it is way funnier with the hand gesture.
The joke that made me unexpectedly laugh out loud (and considering my personal feeling on the subject, when I laughed, I was appalled at myself for laughing) was: “What does a woman do when she gets back from the abused women’s shelter?” Answer: The dishes, if she knows what’s good for her.
I miss Richard Jeni - smart, funny, and quite a looker. I blame his political science degree for his depression. When I worked in the political science office at a university that shall remain nameless, I had a Jeni quote on my door that pissed off the political science faculty to the point that someone would tear it down at least once a week (I had a pile of them in my office and would just tape another to the door to replace it).
The joke I had posted on my office door was Jeni’s joke about his political science degree - he asked his professor what he could do with his political science degree and the professor responded “You can teach other people political science.” So Jeni asked, “And what can THEY do with the political science degree?” The professor replied, “They can teach political science.” That’s when he realized; this wasn’t college - it was a pyramid scheme. It was Amway with a track team.”
I’m assuming that Max can now explain the infield fly rule.
Sorry, we were unable to deliver your message to the following address.
<gweingarten@washpost.com>:
550: 5.1.1 User Unknown
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Inline image
Rep. Trone meets Ritchie Boy Gideon Kantor when announcing the Ritchie Boys Congressional Gold Medal Act’s introduction at Camp Ritchie, Maryland last year
I was proud to re-introduce the Ritchie Boys Congressional Gold Medal Act with Senator Ben Cardin to grant long overdue recognition to the Ritchie Boys for their contributions during World War II. One of the greatest war stories never told, the Ritchie Boys were a group of 15,200 servicemembers – many of whom were Jewish refugees from Europe – who trained in United States Army Intelligence methods at Camp Ritchie, Maryland. This group of American heroes played a vital role in intelligence gathering, with over 60% of actionable intelligence in Europe coming from the Ritchie Boys during the war. By awarding them the Congressional Gold Medal, we ensure their legacy is preserved for future generations to honor and learn from.
https://goo.gl/maps/bnexL1ipHshRbFuS7
Now we will see if Congress can do anything at all that is useful or good or both.
A variant answer to the duck joke is: Each leg is both the same.
The bee joke is very like the hobby joke on one the 1960s "You Don't Have to Be Jewish" comedy records. It went something like this: "Max, you're too tense. You need to relax. You should get a hobby." "A hobby?" "Yeah, a hobby, like me, I keep bees." "You keep bees?" "Yeah, I get a big glass jar, and I fill it full of bees, and I watch them. It's very relaxing." "So what, you give the bees food and water?" "No." "You poke holes in the lid so the bees can breathe?" "No." "So what happens to the bees?" "They die." "They die?!!!" "So who cares, it's only a hobby."
Reminds me of a line or so: "The children kill the frogs in jest, yet the frogs die in earnest." I DO know it is a joke, but ... I am with the frogs.
I note one of today's Baysox game highlights is "Bark in the Park." Does that mean Lexi gets to take in her first game and an overpriced treat ?
Gene: Ever since the "ru ru" joke, I have known you are miles ahead of me. But to do my contribution (and not to match) I have one: Young man to his sister: "You make love just like Mom. She: " know. That is what Dad says." Was it "ro ro?" Too lazy to check.
The difference between a duck is one of its legs are both the same.
If you really want to confuse the kids, try to explain the considerations that go into the rarely well-executed and declining hit-and-run play, then throw in recent rule changes like the pitch clock, the elimination of the shift, bigger bases and a limit to how many times a pitcher can disengage from the rubber (for pick-off attempts, for example). Should provide enough quizzical looks and "But whys ?" to last into extra innings. Should also keep you from eating that third hotdog.
Jeni was one of the funniest live acts I've ever seen. RIP.