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Jon Carter's avatar

All roll calls will be conducted by the Q-Anon Shaman.

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David Rogers's avatar

Every House session will open with a no confidence vote instead of a prayer

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David Shombert's avatar

Hahaha this is worth fifty bucks already.

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Allen K.'s avatar

I think it's worth considering not making trans folks (or the idea of being trans) a repeated punchline. I think there was a time when the very idea was funny enough that it guaranteed a laugh, but I feel like I "know" you well enough to know you're open to being more thoughtful than that. Thought about this briefly during Thursday's winners and again today -- and maybe I'm just feeling especially protective of a beloved niece -- but there you are.

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Joan Witte's avatar

I have similar concern about my nephew-in-law. See my suggested substitution below. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

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Alan Debban's avatar

Boebert gets to rename the days of the week, every Sunday, or whatever she called it the week before. Also, Kevin has to change her cat litter on that day.

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Roger DALRYMPLE's avatar

You forgot to include clothing optional days; of course, every congress-person will be allowed to stipulate at least one fellow member who will be exempt, because, let's be honest, there are members whose members should never be seen in public.

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kel nagel's avatar

Why did substack think it would take me two minutes to read your post?

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Ah Gene --- I realize these developments, concessions and outright bribes are coming fast and furiously but you apparently missed several. McCarthy has proposed that the "Day of the 18th Ballot" become a national holiday if he's elected. And that he gets to keep the gavel if he gets kicked off of the dais. There is also word that he agreed to wear only a diaper like Baby Huey and suck on a pacifier every Thursday. In addition, Gaetz gets a pony and a permanent permission slip to the girls bathroom while Boebert is to receive one of those Glocks with a vibrating attachment and a new locker. They can also take turns banging the gavel. Looks like a win-win for everyone so far.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Some point in the future. Reminiscent of "Weekend at Bernie's" (which she admits to watching with subtitles), Margerie Taylor Greene is seen surreptitiously repositioning a tilting McCarthy in his chair on the dais and walk-carrying him to the men's room. When asked about this Steve Scalise said the conference had come this far and a death was not going to stop it from investigating "Major" Biden, the last of 200 members of the Biden family dating back 150 years not the subject of at least one hearing.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Oh yes --- about that "Santos" issue. I think it was Marjorie Taylor Greene who suggested giving him a new identity.

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Joan Witte's avatar

Change the one about having to change his sex (like Allen K, I worry about a family member) to having to give his speeches once a week in a different language, as part of the GOP's "Big Tent" outreach. You know, reach out to all the nationalities that make up The Great American Melting Pot. For the first week, I propose Welsh.

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Marsha Newman's avatar

He will serve as Speaker precisely as long as "Freedom Caucus" congresspersons have a dry clean diaper on...which isn't long. That 1 person objection to his Speakership is the guillotine.

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Roger DALRYMPLE's avatar

Instead of a gavel, he will bang his head on the lectern three times, to bring the house to order.

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Noodles & Cabbage's avatar

This could be a contest

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Jan 6, 2023
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EvulOne's avatar

Ohh, Bill Murray would rock that sh*t!

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