76 Comments
User's avatar
Jerry Slaff's avatar

Whenever a great person passes, I trot out this honest-to-God true story:

I was a young writer in the communications department of a New York-based multinational insurance company (which has since gone defunct--ha!). Upon the passing of Hirohito, I was tasked with penning a suitable message for our Tokyo office to send as condolences. I had no idea what to write, so I played around for a while with a poem, and eventually came out with – as a joke!:

Violets are blue

Roses are red

So sorry to hear

Your emperor's dead.

I could not continue with that lodged in my brain and passed the assignment to a more serious-minded colleague. I took a very long lunch that day to recover.

Expand full comment
Bill Landau's avatar

How much alcohol did that lunch require to erase the rhyme from your head?

Expand full comment
Jerry Slaff's avatar

Two beers and some chicken wings. Still, it was a day or two before I could write anything.

Expand full comment
Stephanie's avatar

I'd be afraid of being required to meet with J.D. Vance. Therefore I stay subscribed.

Expand full comment
Stephanie Ambrose's avatar

And the Dalai Lama had the good sense to "quietly cancel" a planned meeting with Vance.

Expand full comment
Stephanie's avatar

actually, that was satire (the Babylonbee). But I cannot blame you for thinking it was real.

Expand full comment
COL Mustard's avatar

Vance didn't really kill him. He just made the Pope wish he was dead.

Expand full comment
Leslie Franson's avatar

I don't feel you were being flip, and thought your caption and photo of the Pope showed respect for his kindness. What was inconsiderate was Vance's visit to him after arguing with him about his stance on immigration policy and knowing how sickly the Pope was at the time. I feel sure that contributed to the stroke.

Expand full comment
timpage54 .'s avatar

In the spirit of "before I kick the bucket" and "before I bite the dust," I offer you "before I meet JD Vance."

Expand full comment
Charles Osborne's avatar

Oh, come on! Only two percent for the oyster? I suppose "ointment" isn't funny either? How about all those other archaic medical terms: Unguent, salve, and poultice?

Expand full comment
Lynne Larkin's avatar

Unguent, for sure.

Expand full comment
Larry Yungk's avatar

Of course, you can add to that list elixir, tincture, and concoction.

Expand full comment
Gare Joyce's avatar

I don't find any of the suggested words funny, but then again I subscribe to the Gene Pool's Gaelic edition

Expand full comment
kenneth gallant's avatar

On the issue of Gene’s use of doggerel (even if you don’t agree with me that F. would have liked it) it is a lot more respectful than this from Yahoo trending topics right now

“Pope Francis live updates”

Expand full comment
Sasquatch's avatar

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!

Expand full comment
Louise's avatar

Really?

Expand full comment
kenneth gallant's avatar

Yes. I take it that there are certain things that are formulaic and not subjected to editing.

Expand full comment
Gary E Masters's avatar

"Please sir. Do not butcher our language ..." was what my supervisor in Vietnam heard when he traveled to France. And he had studied French at his University and had traveled all over Africa for years speaking French to people who found it to be a common language. French worked for him in Vietnam, too. And this leads me to a phrase some of us used in Vietnam who were poor at languages and still liked to play with them. In Vietnamese "chời ơi" was "my god" and a mild statement and we woud say "chời ơi vey" is a crude mix up of languaes. Made sense to me.

Expand full comment
Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Unlikely to have made it into public awareness (until now...), beyond the WH photog and Demento's valet, is the momentous occurrence on Easter morning in the Executive Residence. Galumphing as joyfully as he could manage, the leader of the free world shouted, "It is risen!" to the astonishment of those invited to view and memorialize the historic event. While certainly the smallest erection by a standing president, unfortunately it was discovered to have been pharmaceutically aided, and thus, though allowing him to self-award a Medal of Honor and a Presidential Medal of Freedom, it will not make it into the official record without an asterisk.

Expand full comment
Just Lil Ole Me's avatar

Ew. Just EW. That is NOT an image I need to have in my mind.

Expand full comment
COL Mustard's avatar

Dale, you can have my dinner now. I'll send it over. Yuck.

Expand full comment
David Pancost's avatar

I'm getting worried. I keep selecting answers which most everyone else does. I have to say, I have a better opinion of my intelligence & taste than that. Onward & (god willing) upward! Can't get no lower.

Expand full comment
Bill Landau's avatar

"Colliewobbles" sounds like a Walt Kelly coining, even though it is not.

Expand full comment
Richard Brown's avatar

Trump tweeted about Francis' funeral, "We look forward to being there." What kind of emotionally wretched POS uses that tone to speak about a funeral?

Expand full comment
Leslie Franson's avatar

I picked foible only because I think the "oi" sound is kind of funny in a word.

Expand full comment
Martha Baine's avatar

Agreed. And I believe that sound is why moist has been considered the most objectionable word in English.

Expand full comment
Nelsonsdad's avatar

Are you sure it's not because of its frequent connection to sexuality?

Expand full comment
COL Mustard's avatar

You like when the toide is hoigh? Like the old Outer Bankers used to say......

Expand full comment
Gene Weingarten's avatar

Syzygy is intriguing, but not funny. Oyster is the funniest, IMO. That is an initialism that means "I, Mr. Octopus."

Expand full comment
Helena Handbasket's avatar

My favorite definition of "oyster" is "someone who uses a lot of Yiddishisms."

Expand full comment
Lynne Larkin's avatar

Oyster is fab, but I have such good memories of learning the word "dipthong" in what was otherwise an exceedingly dull language class that I had to give it some love.

Expand full comment
Sasquatch's avatar

I'm with you on that, Lynne. BTW, is "dipthong," a gesture that Monica Lewinsky made to initially get Bill Clinton's attention?

Expand full comment
COL Mustard's avatar

LOLOL!!!

I think Monica is actually a very different person these days.

Expand full comment
Sasquatch's avatar

Yes, she is much different. And Bill Clinton has yet to apologize for taking advantage of her.

Expand full comment
Lynne Larkin's avatar

Gotta say, well described.

Expand full comment
Helena Handbasket's avatar

That was my pick, too.

Expand full comment
Cash Devilry's avatar

Ah, yes. I was introduced to the concept of diphthongs (giggle) in Portuguese language class. Probably at same same language school as you ... Blue U.

Expand full comment
Lynne Larkin's avatar

Yep, same school!

Expand full comment
Charles Osborne's avatar

They are not wrinkling-up their nose like Arnold Ziffel when they say it. Oyster!

Expand full comment
Jack Ohman’s You Betcha!'s avatar

Sniffle. “Gobsmacked”…

Expand full comment
Dale of Green Gables's avatar

I'm changing my vote to "gobsmacked."

Expand full comment
Jack Ohman’s You Betcha!'s avatar

I’m pro-gobsmacked…and I vote!

Expand full comment
Sasquatch's avatar

PTOOEY!

Expand full comment
heydave56's avatar

It would be a true foible to grunt my oysters without suitable collywobbles.

Expand full comment
Nelsonsdad's avatar

Your alignment of Trump ridiculous Easter message with those of other Presidents is great journalism. Thanks for contributing....to truth, justice, and the American way.

Expand full comment