Bad Dates and other things

Hello. Welcome to the highly decorated Weekend Gene Pool, recently awarded France’s Croix de Guerre for unspecified, classified service to the Republic during World War II.

As always, I shall be asking you for your personal anecdotes, which I will address next week, in return for entertainment.

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Here is my summary of advice I would now give to my 15-year-old self:

Do not ask Suzanne Gottfried out on a date; trust me, it will be a mistake. You know you are not in her league or anywhere close — she is the New York Yankees and you are the Hartford (Conn.) Yard Goats, which will be a real Double-A team that plays in a place called Dunkin' Donuts Park. Still, you are wondering if emotional courage might actually be rewarded in life. The answer is, yes, sometimes, but not now. My advice is to not ask Suzy out, so she will not have to endure a girl's worst date imaginable that does not involve an actual serial killer, and you will be spared the humiliation of an evening that will essentially be a pairing of a young charming voluptuary with a timid, stammering adolescent so insecure that he rehearsed witticisms, which wound up sounding every bit as extemporaneous as the Pledge of Allegiance. Alternatively, I could advise you to keep the date but work on your savoir-faire, but who are we kidding, right?

Also:

Gene, in your later years, there will be a powerful communication tool called "social media." My advice to you is to fully acquaint yourself with its protocols before wading jauntily into it — meaning that you will comprehend subtleties of context, nuance and, above all, the concept of permanence, and so will not one day casually write something in jest that still is out there, indelible, an eye-popping land mine to be happened upon by future bosses, prospective spouses, global religious leaders, etc., and the very existence of which will at times leave you sleepless.

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The challenge today is to give us advice to your 15-year old self, including but not at all limited to things that went wrong on a date. The more detail, the better. Send them to the usual orange button.

Also, as always, here is a Gene Pool Gene Poll.

Finally, a brief message to George Santos: I am sorry you were so cruelly treated by your colleagues. It was inappropriate and disrespectful to a fellow recipient of France’s Croix de Guerre.