95 Comments
User's avatar
Randy's avatar

Vance makes Dan Quayle seem statesmanlike

Pecos Slim's avatar

You know the saying: Cool as a couchfucker.

Lynne Larkin's avatar

*spits out my coffee*

Kitchen Cynic's avatar

JD is the coolest vice president since Richard Nixon.

gene weingarten's avatar

Nixon and John Calhoun are his only challenges. This is what Calhoun looked like. https://firstamendment.mtsu.edu/article/john-c-calhoun/

Randy's avatar

Andrew Jackson once threatened to send the US Army to South Carolina to hang Calhoun, his own VP, “higher than Haman” over Calhoun’s support for state nullification of federal laws.

O, what glory might have been.

Roslyn Lang's avatar

Tonight is Purim, so higher than Haman really resonates.

Terri Smith's avatar

So His Orangeness wasn’t even original in publicly calling for the execution of his VP?

Sasquatch's avatar

A full length portrait would show Calhoun's cloven hooves.

kenneth gallant's avatar

I’d add Andrew Johnson to Calhoun and Nixon. Calhoun may be the most purely evil in that group.

Terri Smith's avatar

If you like corruption Agnew was pretty cool. Rachel Maddow’s podcast about him was interesting

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Agnew was a petty crook,in terms of corruption.

COL Mustard's avatar

Yes, looking back at the innocent times of the Watergate era.

At the time, not so much.

Terri Smith's avatar

Certainly by today’s standards! He was pretty committed to it though

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Yes, he was. He was our governor in Maryland when Nixon selected him for VP. Agnew had run against a Democratic candidate who used a slogan "my home is my castle".

Marvin Mandel succeeded Agnew, and had his own brush with scandal, dumping his first wife, Barbara "Bootsy" for a younger woman. Bootsy didn't go quietly. She'd sat through way too many rubber chicken political dinners!

Boots initially refused to leave the governor's mansion, forcing Marvin to move out.

Terri Smith's avatar

I didn’t move to MD until 2004, I am sorry to have missed Bootsy.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Bootsy said that ahe was elected first lady of the state and she wasn't moving.

She had been the dutiful political wife to Marvin.

Mary Roeser's avatar

If that isn't damning with faint praise I don't know what is. The hillbilly with the many names is as cool as a boil.

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Talk about what I assume would be um...less than White...House pets: TR had a frickin' zoo including a badger, hyena, lion, a zebra and five bears. Cal Coolidge no doubt cuddled with his pet raccoon and pygmy hippo, and then there were JQ Adams’ rumored pet alligator, Van Buren's tiger cubs, Jefferson's (short time) bear cubs and Harrison's reported two alligators in what was then the WH conservatory. Demento, on the other hand, has a whole Cabinet worth of domesticated animals, largely pigs.

Kitchen Cynic's avatar

I think of his Cabinet as untamed animals, rather than domesticated. Are any of them litter box-trained?

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

No, they manage to shit wherever they happen to be.

Kitchen Cynic's avatar

For sure, all of them, including Trump and JD, shit from the hip.

Robot Bender's avatar

Much like their boss.

Robot Bender's avatar

Muck like their boys.

Iowa David's avatar

Several disturbed individuals started off as children abusing animals. I'm not making any accusations here, but it's weird (just like everything else) that there are no childhood anecdotes or even childhood friends from the Jamaica Estates days.

Gregory Dunn's avatar

Except for the one when he had to be stopped from throwing rocks across the fence at the neighbors baby that had been placed in a bassinet outside to nap in the fresh air.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Noem killing a dog probably raised her in Trump's mind

Carl Camembert Henn's avatar

Well, I have nothing good to say about Vance. But I thought Kamala Harris was a hot VP, if not a cool one. She was possibly our most attractive and telegenic VP, but she never seemed to get much respect from the media. I was never quite sure why. She was also very smart and accomplished, so was the disrespect because she was a woman?

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

She was an accomplished woman of color. Can't be havin' that.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Harris was an accomplished woman. Sadly I suspect that Biden's inner circle of advisors preferred Harris to be basically invisible.

Just Lil Ole Me's avatar

Are we sure that the word used was "cool" and not "cruel"?

Randy's avatar
16hEdited

Two other points in favor of John Nance Garner that might have tipped some voters toward him:

(1) He had the coolest nickname--Cactus Jack--of all VPs.

(2) Around 4:30 every weekday afternoon, he would invite any guests in his office to join him in "striking a blow for liberty." This was well-understood by the guests as coded language for breaking out the bottle of Jack Daniel's he kept in the cabinet. The Jack Daniel's people to this day are very proud of that endorsement.

Linda Wallers's avatar

At least Biden had a sense of humor and knew how to tell a joke.

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Suggested other captions for the Vance image.

"JD Vance discretely wipes away an eyebrow pencil smudge when deplaning from Air Force Two"

"Vice President-in-Training Vance feigns a migraine to duck a question about sectional deviancy on deplaning from Air Force Two"

"Told he has a face like a bikini-waxed lady part, Vice President Vance struck back by saluting himself"

Sam Mertens (he/him)'s avatar

Even a simple: “JD Vance, number two.”

Robot Bender's avatar

"Sectional deviancy!" You win the internet today!

Susan Bodiker's avatar

Rockefeller died in the throes of passion with a woman not his wife who to cover her tracks put his underwear back on the corpse. Backwards.

COL Mustard's avatar

That's devotion! Susan, if I ever die like that with you, please do the same for me, only frontwards!

gene weingarten's avatar

I knew the first part. Her name was Megan Marshak. Never heard about the underpants.

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Rockefeller was found nearly dead of heart failure in the West Side townhouse of Marshack, his 27-year-old assistant and former deputy press secretary. He was found by security reportedly with his pants, trou, on backwards. Rockefeller left Marshak both the townhouse and $50,000. Marshack never uttered a word (she died in 2024) and Rockefeller wife’s “Happy” was spared a “Maria (as in Shriver) Moment.”

COL Mustard's avatar

And please, wipe the smile off my face!

JefCon 1's avatar

I did not chose any of the VPOTUSes as coolest.

Where’s Teddy?!?

Teddy Roosevelt resigned as Assistant SEVNAV to form the Rough Riders. The guy won a freaking Medal of Honor, the ONLY VPOTUS (or POTUS) to do that.

He wasn’t shot during a speech. He was shot and then gave a speech for an hour and a half while bleeding out.

He’s on Mount Freaking Rushmore!

Face it, the dude had a big stick.

gene weingarten's avatar

Teddy's in the poll ! And yes, he was shot on the way to the speech.

JefCon 1's avatar

I don’t know how I didn’t see Roosevelt on the button.

I will amend my prior statement to “How could it not be Teddy?”.

He even fought against the two-party duopoly in the U.S.

AustinAngel's avatar

Voted for Joe Cool. JD Dunce is nothing more than a shapeshifter, and there's absolutely nothing cool about that.

COL Mustard's avatar

I read it too fast and hurt myself trying to figure out what a "shapeshitter" was.

My bad.

Sasquatch's avatar

What shapes would a shapeshitter shit if a shapeshitter could shit shapes? If a shapeshitter could shit a dodecahedron my mouth would be agape....but not for the dodecahedron.

Leslie G's avatar

What can you say about a man who repeatedly changed his name, then had his wife take his current name? Then supported a bill that would require him to gather a boatload of documents in order to vote.

I'm kicking myself that I actually paid to read 'Hillbilly Elegy,' but I don't recognize the man in that book now.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

You don't recognize Vance because that book is basically fiction.

COL Mustard's avatar

Usha had to change her name to JD? Damn.

Sasquatch's avatar

You're 2 for 2, Colonel.

Karl Stoltz's avatar

Trump does, in fact, like dogs. Lap dogs. He has named his newest one "J.D."

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I chose Dawes because he write "It's All In The Game".

Runner-up, Joe Biden.

Vance will always be that try hard dweeb who desperately wants to be, and never will be, cool.

He is also a creature of Sauron, aka Peter Thiel.l

W. Michael Johnson's avatar

This is the important thing. Some of the other guys were real people, but Vance is just Thiel's talking butthole. When Drumfenführer's's aorta finally explodes, We'll have this guy.

Jennifer Elsea's avatar

Mr. Tangerine Man sometimes accuses others of “cheating like dogs.” Makes you wonder whether those poker-playing hounds patronized his casinos. This likely explains his hatred of dogs. They, like every company, foreign country, CEO, person, woman, camera, you name it, have cheated him badly and treated him more horribly than anyone could ever believe almost for many, many years. On the other hand, dogs are a good judge of character.