56 Comments
User's avatar
Karl Stoltz's avatar

As Karen Bock-Losee noted below, Dr, Google can amplify your hypochondria far more than sticking your fingers in various orifices can. My wife once Googled the recurring rash on our 17-year-old son's soles and ankles and came to the conclusion that he had Trench Foot. I immediately gave him a shot of gin, told him to stop lollygagging, and sent him to get back to the front line.

COL Mustard's avatar

For which side, Karl???

Leslie S J's avatar

🤣🤣🤣 🍸

Karen Bock-Losee's avatar

Frankly, Dr. Google has made your book obsolete. I currently have dozens of potential forms of cancer and heart disease as well as scurvy and athlete’s foot.

Robot Bender's avatar

Apparently I have Romulan Bloodworms. 🤔

Joanne Free's avatar

Are those the ones that eat half a brain? Or is that just reserved for the roadkill eaters?

Karen Bock-Losee's avatar

Oooh! That’ll be an excellent conversation starter!

Archer Macy's avatar

Well at least if you have scurvy you get to drink rum and tonics!

Linda Bykowski's avatar

Don't forget the lime twist.

Karen Bock-Losee's avatar

I like the way you think!

Leslie S J's avatar

My previous doc, who was Indian, referred to him as Dr. Googely. “Do not listen to Dr. Googely!” Excellent advice!

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

I assume you would add ICED to your list of terminal conditions in a revision. Apparently all it takes is a misplaced pleasantry.

MikeW's avatar

I’ve known you a long time. Pretty much EVERYTHING you write is diabolical. Some of what you write is nasty as well. Having said that I continue to hold you in high regard

gene weingarten's avatar

Thanks, Mike. On another subject altogether, I recently heard "Speedo" by the Cadillacs and thought of you.

Joanne Free's avatar

Is his real name Mr Earl?

Louise's avatar

"Speedo, he rode his motorcycle very fast. With a twist of the wrist, he gave it the gas. There wasn't nothin' on the road he couldn't pass."

That one?

MikeW's avatar

I’m not familiar with that song but I’m guessing the reference must be highly complimentary

Mike Gips's avatar

I can guarantee one thing if you take these 10 tests: Your significant other, housemate, etc. will walk in on you and ask what in the world you are doing with your fingers in your mouth or multiple pins in your lips.

Ellen's avatar

I'd love to see a Bob Staake illustration of that moment.

Dave Zarrow's avatar

Years ago I read that book on a plane. I laughed out loud. A lot. No one wanted to sit near me.

Phyl's avatar

Well, that may have been because you had one of the worst Style Invitational Loser T-shirts on.

COL Mustard's avatar

Try reading "Dave Barry Does Japan" on a plane.

Guin's avatar
Jan 11Edited

I gave "Dave Barry Does Japan" to a famous baseball pitcher/personal friend who was flying to an exhibition game in Japan. I sent the book to Dave and asked him to inscribe and return it, which he was gracious enough to do. My friend and his wife took turns reading the chapters aloud to each other, and at least twice the passengers behind them asked them to not laugh so loudly. This is true.

COL Mustard's avatar

It’s a funny book! My favorite part is when he describes the flight over the Pacific and how he personally gained about 800 pounds.

Sasquatch's avatar

It may have been all that gas you were passing.

W. Michael Johnson's avatar

You know your audience: getting older and more paranoid every day.

Carol Spiegel's avatar

If you’re asking, if we think you actually wrote this book, the answer is Yes! I looked it up. If you’re asking whether it’s nasty and diabolical, I’d say Nah.

junk food for the snarky soul's avatar

Thanks, Gene, I have been feeling like I'm rotting from the inside out for a bit now and you have definitely helped that feeling along.

Sam Mertens (he/him)'s avatar

Oh man, the number one nearly killed me. It’s pretty dire.

Should I not say “mississippi” after each one?

Jon Ketzner's avatar

Life us too short to worry about life being too short

Lynn Brezina's avatar

Compared to today's political climate, your book was as sweet as a Hallmark card. BTW I had a doctor who instructed, "Put your finger in your ear and see if you cough." Maybe you knew him. He was a Korean War MASH doctor, which might explain something about him.

Bob Morris's avatar

Seems that I have everything.

Robot Bender's avatar

Didn't you want to be the man who has everything?

Bob Morris's avatar

Ah, but yes, and now I can be at peace.

Nelsonsdad's avatar

I remember as a student at various levels that the worst part of being assigned to write an essay was figuring out about what to write about. In college I handed in a paper late, a paper on procrastination, but the cause of the procrastination was inability to figure out on what to write. I got a bad grade as punishment. I had mistakenly identified procrastination when lacking anything meaningful to say may have been the real problem. Have you ever suffered this, Gene?

Archer Macy's avatar

And Rachel stays with you because...?

Jack Mccombs's avatar

Did you write a nasty, diabolical book? No more so than any of your others. But seriously folks, the correct answer is “nah,” because the only humans (and I use the term loosely) who would take this seriously would be MAGAts.

Bjorn Toulouse's avatar

I think it is possibly nasty and diabolical only for hypochondriacs and the simply credulous.