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The only time I ever back into a parking space is in a parking lot with a) very little traffic, and b) the handicap space available has the no parking/unloading space on the left while my wheelchair ramp is on the right. The one exception to this was when I was getting my Driver's License to be able to drive with hand controls and the DOT Examiner TOLD ME TO BACK IN. I did it, but afterwards I asked why she made me do something that needlessly tied up traffic. She said she wanted to test my backing abilities while under duress to see how I handled myself. Jon Gearhart

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Look --- it's clear with every start-up and especially one building on the bones of a predecessor and with a paywall (to come) no less, that there be a unique selling proposition. May I suggest the "Novitational ?" A DIY version of the hoary humor/wordplay contest that dare not speak its name. Much easier on both sides of the divide (or is it an abyss ?) of what is funny. Entrants simply make up their own weekly contests, with prizes and abuse awarded on the basis of incomprehensibility and ---oh yes --- everyone receives a participation trophy.

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I feared that I was alone in my loathing of those who back a car into a parking space. They, along with morning people, should be exiled to Musks's Mars colony from which, I think we can agree, now, a safe return is exceedingly unlikely though it be fiercely desired.

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Where's the sport in either backing in or driving straight in, to park, I ask you ? Buy a car with auto-park and get those adrenals pumping. You can then mime: "Who me ? It's the car," to those dirty looks. Technology is very useful as a scapegoat my friends, in case you haven't yet grasped the real reason why there's so much of it. Nothing to do with such quaint notions as efficiently. Every advance allows us to lay off more blame. And because you took the time to read and ponder this, you get yet another royally rejected submission to Pat and Gene's Awfully Nice Invitational No. 1 as a reward.

For almost 30 years, it brought a chortle or a smile,

This contest called The Invitational in the section Style,

Then suddenly it was gone, as in the blink of an eye.

Though all good things come to an end, many never die,

And so it is with The Invitational,

And here's more breaking news,

If you thought not winning wasn't bad enough,

Now you pay to lose.

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You may already know about Hollywood publicist HOWARD BRAGMAN. If not, add him to the aptonym list. Roger Dalrymple

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My obitry was lousy, you said

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My top 10 sitcom characters - Not in order. I think I'd rank Job Bluth number 1.

1. Tracy Jordan - 30 Rock

2. Matt LeBlanc - Episodes

3. Elijah - Girls

4. Brockmire - Brockmire

5. Liz Lemon - 30 Rock

6. Jonah Ryan - Veep

7. Elaine - Seinfeld

8. Job Bluth - Arrested Development

9. Chip/Dale - Baskets

10. Murray - Flight of the Conchords

Honorable Mention - Kristen Schall in literally any show she's ever been on. Louise on Bob's Burgers didn't make the list for being an animated show.

My only criteria was for the characters that made me laugh the most.

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I was a career fed in a smallish agency, and sometime late in my career, my supervisor told us “most accidents happen while backing” and decreed that we should back carefully into parking places, as the cars on either side are not moving and therefore we can take our time and not hit them.

I protested, giving all the reasons Gene and the OP stated, and was told that if I had an accident while backing OUT of a parking place in a government vehicle, I had been duly warned and might be responsible for repairs.

Unwilling to test this, I awkwardly backed into spots, having any number of near misses because of the time pressure involved. . A former law enforcement coworker (a woman who is an excellent driver) taught me to use my right hand mirror to spot myself against the car I couldn’t see very well (on the right) and things improved somewhat. It is actually possible to be relatively quick about it.

All that said, I am retired now and will park far away in a lot it means I can pull through two spaces and be able to both park and leave headfirst. But in a crowded lot or parking garage with people in line, nah. So rude.

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Whenever I vent about back in parkers I usually get a look like I just spit on Dolly Parton. I'm thrilled to see that I am right, and others agree. Back in parking is pointless and takes more time. When you back out of a space, you back out into a wider area and you need less precision. You need to find a gap in traffic, but tough luck.

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Frankly, those who drive pickup trucks and SUVs of the weight class of an armored fighting vehicle AND who back into spaces should simply be gassed for our entertainment. Pretty sure that Amnesty International would respond with a resounding, "Yeah. Okay."

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Loved the question about the best sitcom characters! I'm sure I'll be considering this for the rest of the day and enjoying myself immensely. It's hard to narrow this down. Gene's picks are all excellent choices. I'd have to nominate Barney Fife, who's been seen on tv here in SW VA probably every day of nearly my entire life. One local station or another has shown Andy Griffith reruns since I was a small child.

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Re: Aptonymns: The OB/GYN for my first child was the infamous Harry Beaver in Virginia. I believe that Gene has mentioned Dr. Beaver before, and cited his name as an aptonymn. I guess a living person CAN have an aptonymn.

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Many aptonym owners are living. The person under discussion earlier is named Posthumous, so he will have to die before his name can be apt. But that's just him.

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Since you enjoyed "Hare Today..." ---I assume that's the case since there's deafening silence, I'll share another entry rejected by royalty ("Break the Chains!").

A Funny Thing Happened. (Freddie Roman, 1937-2022, one of the legendary Borscht Belt comics)

Freddie Roman may be gone, but the jokes will never die,

As he takes the stage again in that Borscht Belt in the sky,

Where the food is still terrible and the portions too small,

Though 911's no longer his cholesterol,

And while not getting a laugh may still be a dread,

There's no need for Viagra to stop rolling off the bed.

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Did the editor/English usage Empress just inappropriately start a sentence with "So"?

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From my bible, The Chicago Manual of Style (5.203, 17th ed.): There is a widespread belief--one with no historical or grammatical foundation--that it is an error to begin a sentence with a conjunction such as and, but, or so. In fact, a substantial percentage (often as many as 10 percent) of the sentences in writing begin with conjunctions. It has been so for centuries, and even the most conservative grammarians have followed this practice.

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Yes but now I have suffered through talks where every other sentence starts with “ so” but none with “ and” or “but”. It seems that only “so” is being used that way. Notice the examples of correct usage.

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Those are correct usage, yes. So is starting a sentence with "so." ;-)

If the CMOS says it's fine, it's fine. I don't care what your mom said a bunch of years ago. The times they are a changin'.

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Not just my mom. The point is that people are now using it to start every other sentence and ecery example I find on proper usage disagrees with your CMOS. We use so as a subordinating conjunction to introduce clauses of result or decision:"

I got here late. It was a long journey, so I'm really tired now.

You are right, of course, so I think we will accept what the bank offers.

It's much cheaper with that airline, isn't it, so I'll get all the tickets for us with them

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And just because CMOS says it's ok and times have changed doesn't mean you should use it to start every third sentence. I stop counting at 15 times when I listen to someone presenting their work.

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You're at a scientific conference. The moderator stands up and says: "So our next speaker is Dr. Frank." Dr. Frank gets up and starts talk "So our study was about the use of polysaccharides in treating Crohn's Disease. So our first step was recruiting subjects for our study. This was a controlled trial so we divided them into two groups...." No one would write a scientific article for a journal with the first two "so's" and I think that your CMOS would agree with that. The fourth one here one is ok.

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Inappropriately to whom?

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daughter of an English teacher. "So" has become a language "tic" like the word "like" was to baby-boomers like me. I always think that a phrase or sentence starting with "so" should be a follow-up as in we did this and it didn't work, so now we are doing this. Here's the fancy description from the web: "We use so as a subordinating conjunction to introduce clauses of result or decision:"

I got here late. It was a long journey, so I'm really tired now.

You are right, of course, so I think we will accept what the bank offers.

It's much cheaper with that airline, isn't it, so I'll get all the tickets for us with them

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For this week's contest, do the legislators have to be different people, or can we string together some of George Santos's names?

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Okay Gene, I'll fork over the 50 bucks although I always go with "plastic" to be provocative, so I don't have a brown paper bag. Just please, please return Fluffy. We'll love her just as much with only the one ear. And since Mike Pence's pet rabbit, Marlon Bundo, who kicked the hutch last year was mentioned in passing and cruelly, as not getting ink in Pat and Gene's Awfully Nice Invitational No. 1 --- I wouldn't want to deny the proletariat a chance to make up their own minds as the Revolution looms. So here is: Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow. ("Breaking the Chains!" Comrades)

Just a regular bunny from Chi-Town way,

Why fate should pull him from her hat,

It's impossible to say,

But Marlon Bundo lived well at government expense,

Lodging as Second Rabbit with the family known as Pence,

Though unlike most other bunnies, he simply could not sin,

So sadly it was boredom that finally did him in.

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I was informed by my daughter after her summer in England that "pants" means "underpants" in England and one uses the term trousers if you are talking about that item of clothing.

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