When school kids go on field trips they have to bring their own lunch, brown-bag it--but museums won't let you carry food in them. It stays on the bus. It would be the equivalent of raiding a common refrigerator in an office setting--except you probably get more fruit rollups in the brown bags...
Faves included Jon K's both sides of the TP, Jeff Shirley's sips of beer, Diana's toothpicks, Eric's parking meter, J-Rif's Disney World, and Mark's And Last.
I almost cut my pyramid scheme entry for being too stupid.
"A little strategically applied makeup, liquid latex, silicone, gelatin, and hair coloring are all it takes to snag the senior discount at the buffet." - Jonathan Jensen
For most Invitational contestants, no disguise is necessary.
I am all for spending what it takes to save young animals. But I have heard of people being shamed by vets and pressured to get expensive tests/treatments for elderly pets. That is not right.
At a certain NASA facility in the Washington, DC area, money is being saved by eliminating the emptying of office trash cans. Well-paid and highly skilled persons are now expected to carry their trash can to a central can and empty it there. The occupants of the offices get paid the same either way, but now we have one more unfunded mandate added to what they are required to do to get through a work week. And the people who needed the custodial job now find it just a bit harder to get a job, because fewer employees are needed.
For those tired of higher food prices and the scarcity (and cost) of those wonder weight loss drugs, may I suggest the coupon diet. Forced to eat only Vlasic dill pickles (you even get a jar free), Sabra hummus and drink Diet Dr. Pepper in a week goes a long way to depressing the appetite.
I liked the school bus/lunch one and thought many of the also-rans were funnier than the winners. I did chuckle at the coke-bottle-glasses, although pulling that off might be as hard as using the second side of the TP without getting stuff on your fingers.
Considering your recent preoccupation with your balls and death, I can understand you missing (or ignoring) the growing phenomenon of AI companions. Yes, if you thought "fictosexuals" --- those (largely in Japan) who seek no muss, no fuss unconditional relationships with fictional characters --- was the height of intimate fantasy, you need only know that Google reported something like a 2000+ % increase last year in searches for "AI girlfriends." There are now apps where users choose an avatar, select personality traits, and write a backstory for their virtual friend. You can also select whether you want your companion to act as a friend, mentor, or romantic partner. Most advanced models allow you to voice-call your companion and speak in real time, and even project avatars of them in the real world through augmented reality technology. Some AI companion apps will also produce selfies and photos with you and your companion together. "People, Who Needs 'Em?"
I almost submitted the “both sides of the toilet paper” gag myself, but decided it was too gross even for the Invitational. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Your criterion should not be "Is this too gross for The Invitational" but "Do I want my name attached to it on the internet?"
There definitely are NOT two sides to this issue.
You mean tissue.
It was the only entry that made me laugh out loud.
Ditto
Use both sides of the toilet paper made me laugh out loud.
Did you forget to brown-bag it today? The kids on that unlocked bus in front of the museum didn’t. (Rob Huffman) That's the winner.
Also, the Elie Wiesel story comes from "Night" and is not actually told as a joke but is a bitterly rueful observation.
I do not understand the brown-bag bus joke. Please explain.
When school kids go on field trips they have to bring their own lunch, brown-bag it--but museums won't let you carry food in them. It stays on the bus. It would be the equivalent of raiding a common refrigerator in an office setting--except you probably get more fruit rollups in the brown bags...
Thank you.
Faves included Jon K's both sides of the TP, Jeff Shirley's sips of beer, Diana's toothpicks, Eric's parking meter, J-Rif's Disney World, and Mark's And Last.
I almost cut my pyramid scheme entry for being too stupid.
"A little strategically applied makeup, liquid latex, silicone, gelatin, and hair coloring are all it takes to snag the senior discount at the buffet." - Jonathan Jensen
For most Invitational contestants, no disguise is necessary.
Someday you’ too may be old and gray and devastatingly witty.
I am all for spending what it takes to save young animals. But I have heard of people being shamed by vets and pressured to get expensive tests/treatments for elderly pets. That is not right.
At a certain NASA facility in the Washington, DC area, money is being saved by eliminating the emptying of office trash cans. Well-paid and highly skilled persons are now expected to carry their trash can to a central can and empty it there. The occupants of the offices get paid the same either way, but now we have one more unfunded mandate added to what they are required to do to get through a work week. And the people who needed the custodial job now find it just a bit harder to get a job, because fewer employees are needed.
For those tired of higher food prices and the scarcity (and cost) of those wonder weight loss drugs, may I suggest the coupon diet. Forced to eat only Vlasic dill pickles (you even get a jar free), Sabra hummus and drink Diet Dr. Pepper in a week goes a long way to depressing the appetite.
Lots of great entries, as always, but I belly-laughed when I got to this one:
Did you forget to brown-bag it today? The kids on that unlocked bus in front of the museum didn’t. (Rob Huffman)
It's interesting that so many people found that funny. I did not. FWIW, at least around here the driver tends to stay in the bus.
I don't get it! Apparently something is wrong with me but please explain: ?
It assumes the kids left their lunches in the bus while they visited the museum, so the person can climb in and steal their food.
Thank you.
I still don't understand how it's hilarious, but thank you: I had not grasped that.
He'd certainly stay if it's unlocked.
Exactly.
I liked the school bus/lunch one and thought many of the also-rans were funnier than the winners. I did chuckle at the coke-bottle-glasses, although pulling that off might be as hard as using the second side of the TP without getting stuff on your fingers.
Considering your recent preoccupation with your balls and death, I can understand you missing (or ignoring) the growing phenomenon of AI companions. Yes, if you thought "fictosexuals" --- those (largely in Japan) who seek no muss, no fuss unconditional relationships with fictional characters --- was the height of intimate fantasy, you need only know that Google reported something like a 2000+ % increase last year in searches for "AI girlfriends." There are now apps where users choose an avatar, select personality traits, and write a backstory for their virtual friend. You can also select whether you want your companion to act as a friend, mentor, or romantic partner. Most advanced models allow you to voice-call your companion and speak in real time, and even project avatars of them in the real world through augmented reality technology. Some AI companion apps will also produce selfies and photos with you and your companion together. "People, Who Needs 'Em?"
Saving 14 calendars beats the 4 choices which are all rather lame.