40 Comments

I liked the egg one. When I was very little, I tried to make my parents scrambled eggs for breakfast. But I knew I wasn’t supposed to turn on the stove. So I cracked the egg into the pan, lifted it up above my head to put on the stove, and waited. I figured it would just take longer.

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This is wonderful. Creative child. And egg was my favorite, too.

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I always thought it said more about how much of a rules stickler I was.

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If it had been a gas stove with a pilot light, would it have worked?

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It is certainly possible there was a pilot and I was expecting it to work, eventually. But as amusing a touch as that would be, I do not remember it so I cannot claim it as fact.

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I honestly don’t recall which it was, we moved a few years later. I recall my intent, I recall breaking the egg in the skillet, and I recall getting the skillet on the front burner and it being above my head. I may have used a stepstool or something to check on it, but I’m only deducing that. I also know that an hour or two later my bemused father came downstairs and finished (i.e. started) cooking things for me.

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I like Sam's entry about the dentures and how much the tooth fairy would give.

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The. stuff that was revealed about trump and Epstein - holy shit, how is that not in the headlines?? HOW?

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Is it Scott Galloway’s book from NYU that portends the disturbing trend that young men are breaking. They work more remotely, can get sex from porn, don’t instantly have great incomes, not even in the long-term. As such, are not building the social value that attracts women. Women are moving to concentrated and older choices and are faring better individually. So young men are building a sort of sexual-generational complex against women and “the system.”

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My friend Sam’s reflection was heartwarming.

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I’m still astounded everybody’s freaking out about one bad night when the other guy’s been showing all sorts of signs of no longer being with it for months on end. And if you believe the team is more important than the individual, only one of them is planning on stocking his cabinet with traitors (i.e. Flynn).

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Damn, thank you for that response about Biden's granddaughter . . . I almost exploded but you covered it well. What a f'ing prick to say that without knowing the facts.

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Yeah, nothing at all like Orange 1 lusting after one daughter and ignoring the other. But then, when all that's between you and making unintelligible word-like sounds or marks on a screen are talking points, to be expected I suppose.

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Just saying... I sent in my Trump fact checks the day BEFORE Rick Reilly's fact check appeared in the paper edition

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I enjoyed the “bread twist ties” wish as I remember a Below the Beltway article in which the mystery was solved by a guy who knew everything about the machines that tie the bread bags shut. Two lines on opposite ends of a rotating shaft.

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That was the inspiration. The ending got a little mangled, he was supposed to have torn up a bread bag, not a lunch meat bag.

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How many entries did you get this week compared to other weeks?

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author

A little fewer, but still robust. There are relatively few winners -- many repeating names -- because this was particularly difficult. Not just joking about dementia, but also writing a full comic strip. Trust me. We missed you.

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Prepare to miss me more often. I'm entering a lot fewer entries these days.

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author

Okay.

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author

As I said, we will miss you.

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To be clear; I'm not offended by this week's contest or it's results. I'm simply taking time away from the contest for other things...like sleep... :-)

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I've been lax in entering even though I have loved the challenges - even missed the ponies this year. Sigh. Don't stop, Jon, it's more fun when you play!

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I'm not stopping; just slowing down. There will be weeks ahead when the obsession returns... :-)

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Excellent

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"Happy socks," you say? Looks more like Mick Jagger's original fridge door art.

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Better way to celebrate the "4th?" Celebrate the "5th."

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Too many fifths on the fourth might stop you from going forth on the fifth. Or something like that.

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Congratulations! You've won a two-hour subscription to the Gene Weingarten OnlyFans site. There the noted humorist will keep you in stitches with true-life stories about attempting to reverse ceiling fans and how to decipher the assembly instructions that came with the 120-piece, 27-speed, singing imported floor model.

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Wow what a great read = your article. It was Gen. Kelly who said or wrote it; he has the best military and likely honesty credentials of anyone mentioned.

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The winner by Mark is funny PRECISELY BECAUSE it’s prescient. It’s not funny anymore, precisely because it’s the sad current news. I voted it best as such. It’s like the march to support Joe is hypocritical, because we have witnessed the runup march to support the other guy, in spite of all the events. And contorting obvious reality from the justice system into manipulation. We have met the enemy, and he is us. I say, bring on the others and let’s have a fight. If Joe can fight best, then so be it.

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Those socks don’t look all that happy. Irreverent or rude perhaps.

Maybe they’re Māori socks showing ferocity and respect.

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“Gaze upon my cankles of death.”

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Gene, you eat Wonder Bread? I’m very disappointed.

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