Here are two favorites that I think were better than your top 4:
If you’re in Texas, pay homage to your regional cuisine by putting out tamales and tacos, separated from the hot dogs and hamburgers by a miniature wall. (Jonathan Jensen)
Sell deep-fried copies of the Constitution on a stick. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
I like the first runner up because I saw my mother and then my sister gradually disappear into Alzheimers. Now my ability to remember peoples names has gotten worse and I sometimes can’t find the word I want. I loved the last line said by the granddaughter.
"Welcome to the new contest, which is also an old contest, so old and desiccated that it is older than some of the people who will enter it. We last ran it 29 years ago."
I guarantee: this contest is *far* younger than all of the people who will enter it.
Here is my woo-woo story. Twelve years ago, I visited Williamsburg, Virginia, and took a ghost tour. We were standing in front of a reputedly haunted house when the knob started rattling and a shadow inside crossed the window. Everyone jumped back. It had worked! I had finally seen a ghost. A security guard came to the front and said “hi” to everyone. The tour guide asked, “Was that you inside the house?” The guard answered, “What do you mean?” OMG! We really had seen a ghost! The guide said, “Seriously, was it you?” “Yes, it was,” the guard admitted. But for a whole 40 seconds, I thought I had FINALLY seen a ghost.
My selections for the best of the listed submissions:
Fourth Runner-Up: Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Third Runner-Up: ‘Nothing has ever stopped her here’ D.C. Wards 7, 8 campaign for bus service (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)
Second Runner-Up: How Trump used his own court filing fling to claim an ‘assassination’ attempt Misunderstands ‘le petit mort’ and how it’s provided (Kevin Dopart)
First Runner-Up: Yoga Yoda You Must Do After Dinner Pleasure You All Night He Will (Jesse Frankovich)
Winner: Activist loses ‘swatting’ ‘twatting’ suit against officers Constables avoid gaol over inappropriate epithet, but judge notes victim is ‘kind of a wanker’ (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Most Honorable Mentions:
Sparks Spanks fly in tense closing arguments as Trump’s trial wraps up Surprise reenactment of ‘rolled-up Forbes’ shocks jurors (Frank Osen)
Tornado Toronado devastates Arkansas town 1985 Oldsmobile plows into bar, diner, bait shop (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
An AP Photographer Captures the Pope in a Dramatic Light Fight 87-year-old Francis punches out cardinal who called him ‘Your Ass-holiness’ (Mark L. Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)
Google’s A.I. Search Errors Terrors Cause a Furor Online Company apologizes after all medical queries generate ‘You probably have cancer’ (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Marco Rubio wants to be Vice Vile President Aims to out-Trump Trump in last-minute bid (Jonathan Jensen)
Trump pitches bitches to Black and Latino voters in South Bronx ‘Why don’t you losers support me?’ ex-President complains (Jonathan Jensen; Gary Crockett)
Thanks for the whole list! I think that if you asked fifty Gene Pool readers to do their own lists, they'd all be significantly different from one another.
Back in the day, the Czar once ran 25 entries with no winners/runners-up, then asked people to vote for their very favorite (you couldn't vote for your own entry).
Twenty-four of the 25 jokes got at least one first-place vote.
I read the story about the horrible professors. What can I say? Either we are about to devolve into a country that pretends to theocracy (since its founders are hypocrites before they even have a chance to be corrupted by the power), or we will dodge this bullet and continue our tortuous climb back to sanity and decency. I hope for the latter.
This image is obviously AI-generated: Look at the feet growing out of their heads, and chains growing from their arms! (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
Here are two favorites that I think were better than your top 4:
If you’re in Texas, pay homage to your regional cuisine by putting out tamales and tacos, separated from the hot dogs and hamburgers by a miniature wall. (Jonathan Jensen)
Sell deep-fried copies of the Constitution on a stick. (Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.)
Two were much the best: the inverted Supreme Court flag flying. and the dropping of the tea bag into the reflecting pool.
I like the first runner up because I saw my mother and then my sister gradually disappear into Alzheimers. Now my ability to remember peoples names has gotten worse and I sometimes can’t find the word I want. I loved the last line said by the granddaughter.
Harking back to the Ten Commandments poll, today's Tom the Dancing Bug is inspired: https://www.gocomics.com/tomthedancingbug?ct=v&cti=1881786
Properly and Thermopylae do NOT rhyme. I have a B.A. in Classic Greek.
I favor Judy Freed's Titanic-related good, bad and ugly. The Dentist one left me feeling faint. Thanks Sam!
none : a nun joke would have been better
Tied for funniest: AP photographer and the Pope; AI Search Terrors; A Formula for Success
"Welcome to the new contest, which is also an old contest, so old and desiccated that it is older than some of the people who will enter it. We last ran it 29 years ago."
I guarantee: this contest is *far* younger than all of the people who will enter it.
Both of these were funnier.
Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission
Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Money raised, spent on South Dakota ballot ballet measures
State seeks to shed image as dog-shooting cultural backwater (Jonathan Jensen)
Here is my woo-woo story. Twelve years ago, I visited Williamsburg, Virginia, and took a ghost tour. We were standing in front of a reputedly haunted house when the knob started rattling and a shadow inside crossed the window. Everyone jumped back. It had worked! I had finally seen a ghost. A security guard came to the front and said “hi” to everyone. The tour guide asked, “Was that you inside the house?” The guard answered, “What do you mean?” OMG! We really had seen a ghost! The guide said, “Seriously, was it you?” “Yes, it was,” the guard admitted. But for a whole 40 seconds, I thought I had FINALLY seen a ghost.
I think this is one of the funniest contest results so far this year.
There are at least 5 Honorable Mentions that I think are better than the Winner and Runners-Up.
Feel free to offer your favorites -- those writers will appreciate it.
My selections for the best of the listed submissions:
Fourth Runner-Up: Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Third Runner-Up: ‘Nothing has ever stopped her here’ D.C. Wards 7, 8 campaign for bus service (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)
Second Runner-Up: How Trump used his own court filing fling to claim an ‘assassination’ attempt Misunderstands ‘le petit mort’ and how it’s provided (Kevin Dopart)
First Runner-Up: Yoga Yoda You Must Do After Dinner Pleasure You All Night He Will (Jesse Frankovich)
Winner: Activist loses ‘swatting’ ‘twatting’ suit against officers Constables avoid gaol over inappropriate epithet, but judge notes victim is ‘kind of a wanker’ (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Most Honorable Mentions:
Sparks Spanks fly in tense closing arguments as Trump’s trial wraps up Surprise reenactment of ‘rolled-up Forbes’ shocks jurors (Frank Osen)
Tornado Toronado devastates Arkansas town 1985 Oldsmobile plows into bar, diner, bait shop (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
An AP Photographer Captures the Pope in a Dramatic Light Fight 87-year-old Francis punches out cardinal who called him ‘Your Ass-holiness’ (Mark L. Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)
Google’s A.I. Search Errors Terrors Cause a Furor Online Company apologizes after all medical queries generate ‘You probably have cancer’ (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Marco Rubio wants to be Vice Vile President Aims to out-Trump Trump in last-minute bid (Jonathan Jensen)
Trump pitches bitches to Black and Latino voters in South Bronx ‘Why don’t you losers support me?’ ex-President complains (Jonathan Jensen; Gary Crockett)
Thanks for the whole list! I think that if you asked fifty Gene Pool readers to do their own lists, they'd all be significantly different from one another.
Back in the day, the Czar once ran 25 entries with no winners/runners-up, then asked people to vote for their very favorite (you couldn't vote for your own entry).
Twenty-four of the 25 jokes got at least one first-place vote.
This is true for most people most weeks.
I read the story about the horrible professors. What can I say? Either we are about to devolve into a country that pretends to theocracy (since its founders are hypocrites before they even have a chance to be corrupted by the power), or we will dodge this bullet and continue our tortuous climb back to sanity and decency. I hope for the latter.
I’m not as fond of working blue as the usual judges are, but the Yoda entry was pretty great.
Yoda is green, not blue. Now if it had been a Smurf, THAT would have been offensive. :-)
I had made a note that while the "backwards talking" joke has been done before, the way this headline lent itself to it set it apart.
That was my favorite.
Oh me too. Nice big belly laugh.