I just had a woo-woo experience. Some Loser made a reference to an inside joke shared only by my wife and me and won Week 73. How did he know? How did he get inside my head?
Here is my woo-woo story. Twelve years ago, I visited Williamsburg, Virginia, and took a ghost tour. We were standing in front of a reputedly haunted house when the knob started rattling and a shadow inside crossed the window. Everyone jumped back. It had worked! I had finally seen a ghost. A security guard came to the front and said “hi” to everyone. The tour guide asked, “Was that you inside the house?” The guard answered, “What do you mean?” OMG! We really had seen a ghost! The guide said, “Seriously, was it you?” “Yes, it was,” the guard admitted. But for a whole 40 seconds, I thought I had FINALLY seen a ghost.
I read the story about the horrible professors. What can I say? Either we are about to devolve into a country that pretends to theocracy (since its founders are hypocrites before they even have a chance to be corrupted by the power), or we will dodge this bullet and continue our tortuous climb back to sanity and decency. I hope for the latter.
"Welcome to the new contest, which is also an old contest, so old and desiccated that it is older than some of the people who will enter it. We last ran it 29 years ago."
I guarantee: this contest is *far* younger than all of the people who will enter it.
My selections for the best of the listed submissions:
Fourth Runner-Up: Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Third Runner-Up: ‘Nothing has ever stopped her here’ D.C. Wards 7, 8 campaign for bus service (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)
Second Runner-Up: How Trump used his own court filing fling to claim an ‘assassination’ attempt Misunderstands ‘le petit mort’ and how it’s provided (Kevin Dopart)
First Runner-Up: Yoga Yoda You Must Do After Dinner Pleasure You All Night He Will (Jesse Frankovich)
Winner: Activist loses ‘swatting’ ‘twatting’ suit against officers Constables avoid gaol over inappropriate epithet, but judge notes victim is ‘kind of a wanker’ (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Most Honorable Mentions:
Sparks Spanks fly in tense closing arguments as Trump’s trial wraps up Surprise reenactment of ‘rolled-up Forbes’ shocks jurors (Frank Osen)
Tornado Toronado devastates Arkansas town 1985 Oldsmobile plows into bar, diner, bait shop (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
An AP Photographer Captures the Pope in a Dramatic Light Fight 87-year-old Francis punches out cardinal who called him ‘Your Ass-holiness’ (Mark L. Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)
Google’s A.I. Search Errors Terrors Cause a Furor Online Company apologizes after all medical queries generate ‘You probably have cancer’ (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Marco Rubio wants to be Vice Vile President Aims to out-Trump Trump in last-minute bid (Jonathan Jensen)
Trump pitches bitches to Black and Latino voters in South Bronx ‘Why don’t you losers support me?’ ex-President complains (Jonathan Jensen; Gary Crockett)
Thanks for the whole list! I think that if you asked fifty Gene Pool readers to do their own lists, they'd all be significantly different from one another.
Back in the day, the Czar once ran 25 entries with no winners/runners-up, then asked people to vote for their very favorite (you couldn't vote for your own entry).
Twenty-four of the 25 jokes got at least one first-place vote.
Before poo-poohing (similar I assume to feces flinging in the monkey house), my suggestion, hear me out. After what, 33 years, the Invite needs a refresh or, at least, a way for the mere Sisyphus-like mortals who regularly enter to laugh (warily) at the Gods of Ink. I suggest adding degrees of difficulty. For example, anyone named Frankovich or Doyle (or that new kid on the block with too many syllables in his name) can come up with winning entries using a standard QWERTY keyboard, but it takes someone truly worthy of being called the biggest Loser to do the same with a Japanese pinyin keyboard. And while we're poo-poohing, how about a weekly "Hall of Shame" --- entries that tried even the saint-like patience of the royal couple? Or perhaps, determining what the actual Invitational is for any week by cracking a code and deciphering the description. Call it an Enigma Variation (cultural reference).
Re: Hall of Shame: I once suggested to Pat that she do something like Seth Meyers’ Surprise Inspection, where he mocks jokes by his writers that didn’t make the cut. And he names the writers. She didn’t seem too fond of my idea.
I can understand that, especially now when you probably don't want to bite the hands that keep you in blue pencils, but something along the lines of an occasional analysis of one or more that didn't make the final cut and why, might prove interesting. We've had hints of that, every now and then, when a less than gruntled entrant wondered publicly why their masterpiece didn't ink. But a regular feature of "Talk to the Hand" could be entertaining as well as instructive for those looking for insights into the divine royal judgment.
Dale (I love your comments generally), I think the term is "pooh-poohing;" that is, saying "pooh, pooh!" to [something]. Nice conjecture, though. --Rick Beth
You're losing an etymology, but gaining a pun. That's a net gain, at worst. Moreover, I looked up "pooh-pooh," and my dictionary gave NO etymology (and no entry for "poo"!). So you might turn out to be right all along.
And your wit is exceeded only by your courtesy (or the reverse, if you prefer).
I’m not as fond of working blue as the usual judges are, but the Yoda entry was pretty great.
I had made a note that while the "backwards talking" joke has been done before, the way this headline lent itself to it set it apart.
That was my favorite.
Yoda is green, not blue. Now if it had been a Smurf, THAT would have been offensive. :-)
Oh me too. Nice big belly laugh.
I think this is one of the funniest contest results so far this year.
I just had a woo-woo experience. Some Loser made a reference to an inside joke shared only by my wife and me and won Week 73. How did he know? How did he get inside my head?
Here is my woo-woo story. Twelve years ago, I visited Williamsburg, Virginia, and took a ghost tour. We were standing in front of a reputedly haunted house when the knob started rattling and a shadow inside crossed the window. Everyone jumped back. It had worked! I had finally seen a ghost. A security guard came to the front and said “hi” to everyone. The tour guide asked, “Was that you inside the house?” The guard answered, “What do you mean?” OMG! We really had seen a ghost! The guide said, “Seriously, was it you?” “Yes, it was,” the guard admitted. But for a whole 40 seconds, I thought I had FINALLY seen a ghost.
I read the story about the horrible professors. What can I say? Either we are about to devolve into a country that pretends to theocracy (since its founders are hypocrites before they even have a chance to be corrupted by the power), or we will dodge this bullet and continue our tortuous climb back to sanity and decency. I hope for the latter.
Nice use of the archaic spelling "gaol" by Frank Osen.
Ssssh...don't tell Frank. I added that.
Harking back to the Ten Commandments poll, today's Tom the Dancing Bug is inspired: https://www.gocomics.com/tomthedancingbug?ct=v&cti=1881786
Properly and Thermopylae do NOT rhyme. I have a B.A. in Classic Greek.
I favor Judy Freed's Titanic-related good, bad and ugly. The Dentist one left me feeling faint. Thanks Sam!
none : a nun joke would have been better
Tied for funniest: AP photographer and the Pope; AI Search Terrors; A Formula for Success
"Welcome to the new contest, which is also an old contest, so old and desiccated that it is older than some of the people who will enter it. We last ran it 29 years ago."
I guarantee: this contest is *far* younger than all of the people who will enter it.
Both of these were funnier.
Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission
Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Money raised, spent on South Dakota ballot ballet measures
State seeks to shed image as dog-shooting cultural backwater (Jonathan Jensen)
There are at least 5 Honorable Mentions that I think are better than the Winner and Runners-Up.
This is true for most people most weeks.
Feel free to offer your favorites -- those writers will appreciate it.
My selections for the best of the listed submissions:
Fourth Runner-Up: Boeing Starliner set to launch its first crewed screwed mission Astronauts confident: ‘It’s not a 737, right?’ (Richard Alexander, Grand Rapids, Mich., a First Offender)
Third Runner-Up: ‘Nothing has ever stopped her here’ D.C. Wards 7, 8 campaign for bus service (Steve Honley, Washington, D.C.)
Second Runner-Up: How Trump used his own court filing fling to claim an ‘assassination’ attempt Misunderstands ‘le petit mort’ and how it’s provided (Kevin Dopart)
First Runner-Up: Yoga Yoda You Must Do After Dinner Pleasure You All Night He Will (Jesse Frankovich)
Winner: Activist loses ‘swatting’ ‘twatting’ suit against officers Constables avoid gaol over inappropriate epithet, but judge notes victim is ‘kind of a wanker’ (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Most Honorable Mentions:
Sparks Spanks fly in tense closing arguments as Trump’s trial wraps up Surprise reenactment of ‘rolled-up Forbes’ shocks jurors (Frank Osen)
Tornado Toronado devastates Arkansas town 1985 Oldsmobile plows into bar, diner, bait shop (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)
An AP Photographer Captures the Pope in a Dramatic Light Fight 87-year-old Francis punches out cardinal who called him ‘Your Ass-holiness’ (Mark L. Asquino, Santa Fe, N.M.)
Google’s A.I. Search Errors Terrors Cause a Furor Online Company apologizes after all medical queries generate ‘You probably have cancer’ (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Marco Rubio wants to be Vice Vile President Aims to out-Trump Trump in last-minute bid (Jonathan Jensen)
Trump pitches bitches to Black and Latino voters in South Bronx ‘Why don’t you losers support me?’ ex-President complains (Jonathan Jensen; Gary Crockett)
Thanks for the whole list! I think that if you asked fifty Gene Pool readers to do their own lists, they'd all be significantly different from one another.
Back in the day, the Czar once ran 25 entries with no winners/runners-up, then asked people to vote for their very favorite (you couldn't vote for your own entry).
Twenty-four of the 25 jokes got at least one first-place vote.
Before poo-poohing (similar I assume to feces flinging in the monkey house), my suggestion, hear me out. After what, 33 years, the Invite needs a refresh or, at least, a way for the mere Sisyphus-like mortals who regularly enter to laugh (warily) at the Gods of Ink. I suggest adding degrees of difficulty. For example, anyone named Frankovich or Doyle (or that new kid on the block with too many syllables in his name) can come up with winning entries using a standard QWERTY keyboard, but it takes someone truly worthy of being called the biggest Loser to do the same with a Japanese pinyin keyboard. And while we're poo-poohing, how about a weekly "Hall of Shame" --- entries that tried even the saint-like patience of the royal couple? Or perhaps, determining what the actual Invitational is for any week by cracking a code and deciphering the description. Call it an Enigma Variation (cultural reference).
Re: Hall of Shame: I once suggested to Pat that she do something like Seth Meyers’ Surprise Inspection, where he mocks jokes by his writers that didn’t make the cut. And he names the writers. She didn’t seem too fond of my idea.
I can understand that, especially now when you probably don't want to bite the hands that keep you in blue pencils, but something along the lines of an occasional analysis of one or more that didn't make the final cut and why, might prove interesting. We've had hints of that, every now and then, when a less than gruntled entrant wondered publicly why their masterpiece didn't ink. But a regular feature of "Talk to the Hand" could be entertaining as well as instructive for those looking for insights into the divine royal judgment.
Dale (I love your comments generally), I think the term is "pooh-poohing;" that is, saying "pooh, pooh!" to [something]. Nice conjecture, though. --Rick Beth
I stand corrected sir, or should I say my poo was corrected (even if it detracts from my ever so clever play on words).
You're losing an etymology, but gaining a pun. That's a net gain, at worst. Moreover, I looked up "pooh-pooh," and my dictionary gave NO etymology (and no entry for "poo"!). So you might turn out to be right all along.
And your wit is exceeded only by your courtesy (or the reverse, if you prefer).
For Liz Gould-Leger: The younger of my two daughters is named Saralinda if you know the source.