The Invitational Week 70: Colt Fusion

Because of our munificence and guilt, you get a full hundred foal names to 'breed' for 'grandfoals'

Screenshot of two kissy steeds we saw on a Facebook video.

Hello. Welcome to the finish line of the 31st Invitational Derby. As always, we challenged you to “breed” any two names from a list of 100 three-year-old racehorses initially considered for this year’s Kentucky Derby . . . and then name the foal.

As always, there was a hemorrhage of entries, 1,769 of them, a daunting proportion of which were excellent. The Empress and The Czar made their first ruthless cut, eliminating all but the very, very, unquestionably best, thinking perhaps they had trimmed it to manageable length. Alas, they found they’d wound up with 260 names, far, far more than what the page and your patience could bear.

The Em and Cz then went back in, with gloves and goggles and chainsaws. It was an abattoir. Blood and flesh and bone fragments flew everywhere. And we still had 138. We felt the way Kristi Noem should have felt in dragging her puppy to the gravel pit. So we capitulated to ourselves. And now you get the benefit of our guilt, and lack of spine or bloodlust. We are running 100 inking entries instead of the usual sixty-five or seventy.

Which sets you up generously for the annual spinoff:

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For Invitational Week 70: “Breed” any two of today’s inking foal names and give the “grandfoal” a name that reflects both names, just as the foal names do. We even have a nice printable list of this week’s foals right here (or type in tinyurl.com/inv-list-70).

Just as with the Week 68 contest (and in real horse racing), a name may not exceed 18 characters including spaces; those characters may include punctuation and numerals. You may run words together to save space, but the name should be easy to read.

Click here for this week’s entry form, or go to tinyURL.com/inv-form-70. As usual, you may submit up to 25 entries for this week’s contest, preferably all on the same form. 

Deadline is Saturday, May 11, at 9 p.m. ET. Results will run here in The Gene Pool on Thursday, May 16.

The winner gets three adorable one-inch-long magnets each depicting the latter  half of a cat — so it looks as if their front halves have burst into your refrigerator, filing cabinet, coffin, etc. Donated by the ever-donating Dave Prevar.

They get into everything. The winning grandfoal gets three half-cats.

Runners-up get autographed fake money featuring the Czar or Empress, in one of eight nifty designs. Honorable mentions get bupkis, except for a personal email from the E, plus the Fir Stink for First Ink for First Offenders.

Meanwhile, send us questions or suggestions, which we hope to deal with in real time. You do this, as always, by sending them to this here button:

Sire Mix-a-Lot: The foal names of Week 68

This Saturday is the 150th running of the Kentucky Derby, America’s oldest continually held major sporting event (The Invitational is second). Ten of the horses we cast into double-stud service today (they’re all male) are scheduled to run; be sure to root for them in gratitude.

Ninety-eight of the 1,769 foals from Week 68 were sired by Awesome Wind, this year’s busiest Invite dad. Thanks yet again to Loser Jonathan Hardis, who wrote a program back in 2015 to sort all the entries and otherwise wrestle them into a giant anonymous list, thus letting us judge this contest and the grandfoals every year without defenestrating ourselves.

Among the excellent entries too frequently entered to give individual ink to: Count Dracula x Generous Tipper = Blood and Gore; Pirate x Shards = Long John Sliver; Antiquarian x Awesome Wind = Old Fart; Dickens x Secret Lover = Oliver Tryst; Awesome Wind x Marceau = Silent but Deadly. (Don’t use any of those names in this week’s grandfoal contest.)

Third Runner-Up: Mr. Suds x  Sequential  =  Drunk and Orderly (Jim Derby, Gettysburg, Pa.) 

Second Runner-Up: Indispensable x For Your Pleasure = Knead It (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

First Runner-up: Count Dracula x Awesome Wind =  Vladimir Tootin (Rebecca Foster, Falls Church, Va.)

And the winner of the pepperoni pizza earrings:
Dornoch x Next Level = Dorbell (Seth Christenfeld, Briarcliff Manor, N.Y.)

Today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll:

As always, if you think the best entry is not one of those four, but one of the Honorable Mentions (below), tell us in the Comments.

Give It a Whirl x Eliminate = Honorable mentions

Mister Lincoln x Skip the Line =  Skip the Play (Diana Oertel, San Francisco)

Triple Espresso x Rocketeer = Buzz Aldrin (Ted Weitzman, Olney, Md.)

Awesome Wind x Candymaker = Toot Sweet (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

Awesome Wind x Generous Tipper = Zephyr Me? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)  

Awesome Wind x Just Steel = He Who Smelted It (Doug Hembrey, Manassas, Va.)

Awesome Wind x One Red Cent  =  One Rude Scent (Tom Witte)

Banned for Life x Daily Grind  =  Persona Non Grater (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Banned for Life x Dornoch = Go Away! (Hildy Zampella, Sarasota, Fla.)  

Banned for Life x For Your Pleasure = Peter Rose  (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

Be You x Mr Fabricator =  Be Ess (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

Candymaker x Epic Ride = Godiva (Mike Hammer, Arlington, Va.)

Candymaker x Banned for Life = See’s and Desist (Mary McNamara, Washington, D.C.)

Candymaker x Eliminate = Reese’s Feces (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)

Candymaker x Hancock = Willy Wanka (Tom Witte; Brian Cohen; Jeff Rackow, Bethesda, Md.)

Catch a Tiger x Footprint = By the Toe (Rebecca Foster)

Fifth Avenue x Liberal Arts  =  Saks Education (Mia Wyatt, Ellicott City, Md.)

Count Dracula x Fifth Avenue = Suks (John Winant, Annandale, Va.)

Count Dracula x Fifth Avenue  =  Vampire State Bldg (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)

Count Dracula x Uncle Heavy  =  Belly Lugosi (Mary McNamara)

Crushed It x Give It a Whirl  =  Crushed Ti (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Crushed It x Pirate =  Skillz+ Crossbones (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Dickens x Eliminate = Leak House (Steve Price, New York)

Dickens x One Red Cent = David Copper (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Dickens x One Red Cent = Nicholas Pennyby (Laurie Brink, Mineola, N.Y.)

Dickens x One Sharp Cookie = I Want S’more (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Domestic Product x Just a Touch =  Frottage Industry (Jonathan Paul)

Dornoch x Secret Lover = Ho’s There (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Eliminate x El Grande = Get the Plunger (Neil Kurland, Elkridge, Md.)

Eliminate x Rocketeer = Flush Gordon (Rob Wolf)

Endlessly x Count Dracula = All-Day Sucker (Kevin Dopart, Washington, D.C.)

Epic Ride x Count Dracula =  Chevy Impaler (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.)

Epic Ride x For Your Pleasure = Space Mountin’ (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

Epic Ride x Mr Fabricator = The Phony Express (Jonathan Paul)

Evening News x For Your Pleasure  =  This Just In (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

Feel the Magic x Just a Touch  =  Slight of Hand (Judy Freed)

Fierceness x Just Steel  =  Grrrder (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)

Fifth Avenue x Mr. Suds  =  De Beers (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

Forever Young x Catch a Tiger =  Pounce de Leon (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.; Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)

Forever Young x Uncle Heavy =  Paunch de Leon (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Forever Young x Frost Free  =  Ponce de Freon (Steve Smith)

Forever Young x Mannerly  =  Fountain of Couth (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)

Generous Tipper x Count Dracula = Gore (Larry Rifkin, Glastonbury, Conn.)

Gettysburg Address x Candymaker  =  Four Skor (Seth Christenfeld)

Gettysburg Address x Lonesome Boy  =  4 Scores in 7 Yrs (Mark Raffman) 

Gettysburg Address x Secret Lover  =  ConceivedInLiberty (Diana Oertel)

Give It a Whirl x Domestic Product  =  Ferris Weal (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Hades x Evening News  =  Damned Rather (Mary McNamara)

Hades x Nice and Good  =  Hath No Fury (Bill Dorner, Wolcott, Conn.; Jeff Rackow)

Hades x Nice and Good  =  Heck (Rob Wolf)

Hades x Resilience  =  Styx With It (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)

Hades x Sequential  =  Hell MNOP (Charles Trahan, Columbia, Md.)  

Hades x Sneak Preview  =  Junior High (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

Hall of Fame x Eliminate  =  Pooperstown (Jesse Frankovich, traveling in Lexington, Ky.)

Indispensable x Jigsaw  =  Gotta Halve It (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.)

Just a Touch x Common Defense  =  WhenYou’reFamous… (Jon Gearhart)

Just Steel x One Sharp Cookie  =  Razor Thin Mints (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.) 

Kitty Hawk x For Your Pleasure  =  TheWrightBrothels (Steve Price)  

Kitty Hawk x Legalize  =  I Know My Wrights! (Stephen Dudzik)

Mannerly x Give It a Whirl  =  Courtesy Flush (Mark Raffman)

Mannerly x Skip the Line  =  Please and Queues (Jesse Rifkin)

Skip the Line x Sequential  =  Seuential  (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

Mannerly x Vote No  =  Have a Nice Nay (Judy Freed)

Marceau x Daily Grind =  Working Mime to 5 (Brian Cohen)   

Marceau x Secret Chat =  (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.; Mike Gips)

Moonlight x Vote No  =  So Nada (Matt Monitto)

Mr. Suds x  Mister Lincoln  = Six-Pack Abes (Leif Picoult) 

Mr. Suds x  Skip the Line  =  Hops (Jeff Rackow) 

Mr Fabricator x  Dickens  =  Miss Have a Sham (Jeff Rackow)

Nash x  One Sharp Cookie  =  Nosh (Seth Christenfeld)

Neat x  Midnight Love  =  Neat-O (Tom Witte)

No More Time x  Reaper  =  At the Buzzard (Jeff Hazle)  

One Sharp Cookie  x Eliminate =  Famous Anus (Brian Cohen)  

Prints Money x  Uncle Heavy  =  Counterfatter (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Reaper x  Pirate  =  Shiva Me Timbers (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)  

Reaper x  Works for Me  =  OneScytheFitsAll (Jonathan Paul)   

Rocketeer x  Neat  =  Straight Up (Mark Raffman)  

Secret Lover x  The Wine Steward  =  Zinfidelity (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.)   

Sequential x  Mr Fabricator  =  Fibbin’acci (Matt Monitto)

Sierra Leone x  Feel the Magic  =  Africadabra (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Slider x  Secret Lover  =  Pitching Woo (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)  

Stoke the Fire x  Mr Fabricator  =  BBQAnon (Stephen Dudzik)

The Wine Steward x  Brawn  =  Brut Force (Diana Oertel)

The Wine Steward x Candymaker =  Châteauneuf DuPeep  (Frank Osen)  

The Wine Steward  x  Just Steel  =  Hardonnay (Jeff Shirley)      

The Wine Steward  x  T O Password  =  Magnum, PIN (David Peckarsky, Tucson, Ariz.)

Tiz My Hero x  Perfectify  = ’Tis My Hero (Mark Raffman)

Tourist x  Endlessly  =  Möbius Trip (Jesse Frankovich)

Track Phantom x  Lonesome Boy  =  Ghosted (Steve Geist, Mechanicsville, Va.; Malcolm Fleschner)

Trust Fund x Secret Lover =  Tryst Fund (Terry Reimer, Frederick, Md.; Tom Witte)

Two Tons of Fun x  Generous Tipper  =  Lardgesse (Tom Witte)

Utopian x  Count Dracula  =  Fangri-La (Laurie Brink)

Uncle Heavy x  Mr Fabricator  =  Blob the Builder (Frank Osen; Ted Weitzman)

Utopian  x  Vote No  =  Xana-don’t (Jeff Rackow)   

Waitlist  x  Generous Tipper  =  Table Just Opened! (Jon Gearhart)

Waitlist  x  Tiz My Hero  =  Standby Your Man (Jeff Contompasis)  

And Last: Eliminate x Give Me a Reason = Your Entry Stank  (Rob Cohen)

The headline “Sire Mix-a-Lot” is by Jesse Frankovich; Dave Prevar wrote the honorable-mentions subhead.

Still running — deadline 9 p.m. ET Saturday, May 4: our Week 69 contest to replace tired old expressions with fresh ones. Click on the link below.

The Invitational Week 69: The Trite Stuff

Special clarifying note from the Czar about Week 69. Listen up: A Loser wrote in to us about the ongoing “Trite Stuff” contest, asking for a clarification on what we meant by specifying “no aphorisms.”

Here’s what we meant: We meant we don’t want you to update old sayings or old saws that are so old you don’t read or hear them much anymore, like “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” or “a stitch in time saves nine,” or “early to bed, early to rise…” Instead, we’re looking for expressions — even full sentences — that are used way too often today. Things we cringe at hearing. Most are trendy, like the examples we gave: “Walk us through” a document. “Drill down” to further examine an issue. Have something happen “in the wake of” something that happened before. Replace the quoted words, phrases, sentences with something new and funny. Okay? Cool.

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Now we enter the real-time portion of the Gene Pool, where Gene will take your questions and observations, and respond to them. If you are reading this in real time, please remember to keep refreshing the screen to see new stuff. So far, today’s Q&Os are an entertaining hodgepodge, with some fallout still from compiling ugly things, and, of course, Hitler and farts.

Q: TL;DR

A: Yes, that was the entirety of the unsigned observation that was sent in. It was in response to the introduction to Tuesday’s Gene Pool, which was a conversation with political comedian Jeffrey Maurer, host of the newsletter “I Might Be Wrong.”

Now, I might be wrong, but whenever I see TL;DR used un-ironically about anything, my initial thought is not, “I wonder if that person might have a point.” My initial thought is, “Hey, that person is a horse’s ass and/or an ignoramus.”

It’s not the TL part. Things can be too long. They can be redundant. They can be bloviation. I am sure I have been guilty of this at times, and I never resent being called on it.

No, it’s the DR part. Did. Not. Read. Because. It. Looked. Too. Long. The DR part, in my opinion, is written by someone who prefers Reader’s Digest Condensed Books. Someone who will not spend an instant trying to figure out poetry. Someone with the attention span of a goldfish and the curiosity of a deceased cat. Someone who feels so entitled that he thinks people should write to satisfy his truncated word tolerance in order to merit his distinguished attention.

But maybe I’m wrong. This leads to today’s second Gene Pool Gene Poll.

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Q: I am pretty sure this is the ugliest shoe ever!

A: I am pretty sure you are right.

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Q:What do you think of the college protests?  Not about who is right, you told us that, but looking at the bigger picture?

A: The bigger  picture is terrible and terrifying. I remember – vividly – the years 1967-68.   There was conflict everywhere over Vietnam.  Semi-riots in the streets, sit ins, buildings taken over.   Cops swarming.  This led, inexorably to the Chicago riots, at the scene of the National Democratic Convention.  Nightsticks, broken heads, a police riot to boot.   The protesters targeted the Dems, because they were the team in power.   What they got in return was the defeat of Hubert Humphrey – a decent man with decent, liberal ideals – and the election of Richard Nixon.  The absolute worst possible outcome. An electoral disaster. 

You see where I am going here.

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TIMELY TIP: If you’re reading this on an email: JUST CLICK ON THE HEADLINE IN THE EMAIL AND IT WILL DELIVER YOU TO THE FULL COLUMN ONLINE. If you are reading the Gene Pool in real time, keep refreshing the screen to see the new questions and answers that appear as I regularly update the post.

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Remember to send in Questions and Observations to this here orange button:

And please do not upgrade your subscription to “paid.” Trump might not withstand the jolt to his system, and we can’t have that.

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Q: Do you ever use your chat to settle scores or unfairly express personal grievances in what can only be called an imbalance of power?

A:  No, but I sometimes express warranted disappointment and disapproval.  This morning Rachel and I set our alarms and woke up early to go out to breakfast – a rare treat at a neighborhood restaurant, The Capitol Square Bar and Grill, which has just begun offering breakfasts and are advertising it broadly and loudly.  We got there at 8:35 a.m. , walked  past the standing sandwich-board sign that said “Open at 8 a.m. every day!’” a fact that is also confirmed on their website today, only to find a locked door and a completely empty restaurant.  No one was even in the kitchen, preparing anything. See, warranted disappointment and disapproval, no score settling. 

Q: Do you ever make up questions that you can answer with strategic intent?

A: Only this one and the one before it. 

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Q: You and Jeff Maurer gave a wonderfully thoughtful and amusing dissection of / debate about Trump's ability to be funny. A minor observation: You don't hesitate to call upon the puerile to help advance the humor theme, i.e., toot sted hoot, and bless you for that. Yet, two grafs earlier, you passed up on "Fartile Crescent." Laying off the 3-0 fastball? -Andy Schotz

A: Well, check this out:   

Q; “I have to add even more to the fart-orama going on here.  This guy’s name is Flartz.  He was fired for farting on the job. 

The post even inspired a compilation of his expulsions arranged in order of length, which one Redditor called "the Sistine Chapel of fart videos." – Lynne Larkin” 

A: It’s basically one continual fart, done with instruments and tongues. 

Q: You want ugly earrings? 

A: Not ugly.  Arguably tasteless, but not ugly.  Cute-tasteless. You want ugly?

(GBAHFY Dentures from Amazon.com)

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Q; Rachel is right. In the Nazi video, turn up the volume at the “fart moment’ and you can hear the engine rattling outside.

A; I am ready to concede I might have been wrong on this.

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Q: I went to Jeff Maurer’'s Substack, and I love the difference in the photos. It adds a nice touch to your use of the small "Jeff" pic. I recommend everyone follow Gene's recommendation to follow Mr Maurer. 

Re: Trump's alleged sense of humor - he made Jeffrey Epstein laugh in that rather famous photo of the two. He gets laughs out of his MAGA crowd on the regular. If you enjoy shooting-puppy jokes, he's da man! – Lynn Larkin

A: Amazingly, Jeff and I did not coordinate how we used each other’s  picture.

Q: I was raised a Lutheran, and have always questioned the whole canonical succession of reasons Christ chose to die, what it needed to accomplish or fix, given he was already God, and why his execution was his lasting image. Would that be true today, given the injection table?

A: The question would be, what would be the symbol Christians carry around their necks.  Hypodermic needle.  A gurney would look bad. Bill Hicks once proposed that in memory of John F. Kennedy, people wear a rifle pendant.

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Q; I too have a story similar to Rachel's, about scratching her brother’s initials into a tabletop so she wouldn’t be blamed  .  I entered public school in the 2nd grade, having gone to private school for first because of my late-in-the-year birthday.  I was very shy and a total goodie two shoes.  Our classroom had a cloak room across the back and a small bathroom.  I was compelled to write something on the wall, in the grout between the tiles.  I decided on "Dear Chris, I love you.  Love, Barbara."  These were two classmates.  A whole day went by and then Chris came out of the bathroom with a surprised and amused look on his face and told the teacher what he found.  She investigated.  Then she told us to put our heads down on our desks with our eyes covered.  The guilty person must then raise their hand.  I was horrified but didn't fess up immediately, at least not until the teacher said the guilty party was keeping us from lunch.  She later commended me for my honesty.  

A: A diabolical teacher.  She used a variation of a Nazi tactic.   Confess or I start shooting people at random, basically. 

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Q: Regarding that book of very old news stories condensed to three lines: "A certain madwoman arrested downtown falsely claimed to be nurse Elise Bachmann. The latter is perfectly sane." has nothing on the recent story of Matthew David Keirans, who stole the identify of William Donald Woods for 30 years, resulting in untold horrors for the real Mr. Woods, including more than a year in jail.

A: And time in an insane asylum, for having the audacity to claim he was who he claimed to be.   It sounds like the authorities blew this case dreadfully.  All they had to do was find the man’s father and ask which guy is your son!  It’s hardly a Solomonic dilemma.

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Q: Here are two LA Dodger in-aptonyms -- as a Dodger fan, at least I hope they're inapt! Center fielder James Outman, and pitcher currently on rehab in minors Walker Buehler.

Audrey Liebross, Palm Desert, CA

A: And I note that Mr. Outman is batting .173!   Mr. Buehler is an inaptonym.  He is an excellent pitcher with good control. 

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Q: The college administrators are stupid. These protests started attracting attention in mid-April. If they just ignored them for maybe four weeks, they'd vanish completely.

A: Yeah, I said that a week ago. But they are cowards and were browbeaten by right-wing politicians and their conservative trustees. Brown University figured out how to do it. They listened to the kids and set up boards to discuss and consider divestment in some companies. The protests stopped.

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Q: When my wife and I were in Vietnam, after the cease fire in 1972, we got two white elephants. When things were difficult in 1975 we packed them up and mailed them home. We sat in the Post office part of the embassy for two hours or so to mail them, then went back to Bien Hoa north of the city. They were known as BUFE's and lots of people got them. But we still have them. I had a list of all the stuff I wanted to bring back from Vietnam, and although our household stuff did not leave Vietnam until August that year, diplomacy got them back to us in Texas; end tables and all and even a few cans of tuna which were good in graduate school. — Gary E. Masters

A: It’s pretty bad but made even worse by the tiny horse (an eohippus?) pulling a cart in the howdah.

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Q: The Lizard Car. I saw it in Venice FL. Maybe it would have been better in a color other than bilious green –Dave Metzger

A; Philistine. The green is necessary to communicate the lizard motif.

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A: It's been a while since I've been there, but I put the interior of the Greenbrier Hotel in this category. It's so overwrought that it acquires a sort of charm. At least, because there are people who love it, I am assuming that it acquires some charm. 

A: Speaking of Green. This is a great example of limebooger green.

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Q; I have something to share involving humor, Hitler, and farting, so here goes: I’m an older Gen X, and my parents were born in the 1930s, so they were kids during WWII. At some point in my childhood, my parents got an album of Spike Jones songs. This is not Spike Jonze the director, but a genius band director of spoof songs in the 1940s. The songs were very funny, especially for a kid — sort of a Looney Tunes sound. The one that I remember most vividly was called “Der Fueher’s Face” and features a repeated kazoo-like sound right before the line “right in Der Fueher’s face!” It could have been meant to be blowing a raspberry, but let’s be real — a raspberry is a fart substitute, anyway. And with a song, you can imagine whatever visual seems appropriate.

My mom told me that during the war, a friend’s neighborhood would regularly gather to sing this song together. A great example of using humor to respond to fear.  – Anne Paris 

So. Enjoy:

A: I enjoyed.

Q: That Sumerian fart joke reads a lot like the Second Amendment.

A: Haha. It does! Mangled syntax.

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Q: This is Gene.   My favorite modern expression, used today again by Jeff Tiedrich:  Tiedrich is reacting to a Trump quote about Sleepy Joe, from Trump’s crappy social network::  “With Trump, every accusation is a confession.” 

And finally, for the nerds and wonks:

Q: Question for Pat the Perfect Editor: There is a radio commercial that plays during my baseball broadcast where the owners brag that their product is “trialed and tested” to be superior. It makes my teeth hurt! I wrote to them and said the expression is “tried and tested” and I don’t know if anything can be “trialed.” They insisted the word was in Websters (sic) and perfectly good. Am I off base here?

A:  From Pat:

Wellll,  they didn't say "trialed and true," which would be a ridiculous alteration of a common idiom.

As someone whose job it was for a quarter-century to fix writers' language mistakes, I've sensed how language changes continually over the years in big ways and small -- for example, we no longer say "I shouldn't do that" to mean "I wouldn't do that" even though it was the common usage as late as the mid-20th century.    And new expressions and idioms give the language freshness and currency -- see The Invitational's still-running contest for updated ones here.  

Our language is full of nouns turned into verbs -- "verbing the noun," Theodore Bernstein  called it wryly more than a half-century ago -- and they're often  the subject of many pedants' fulminations, at least for a while.  While I was familiar with tut-tutting over the use of "impact" as a verb to mean "affect,"  did you know that the same outrage used to be vented over  "to contact someone"? 

I can see how an advertiser might use "trialed" to mean "put through a process of scientific/medical  trials";  what I don't get why they'd add "and tested":   I can see why "tested" on its own wouldn't imply the rigorousness that "trialed" would, but it doesn't add anything.  And what you're left with is something that sounds like "tried and true."  

But I wouldn't make it a case for bringing out the Orajel.  

By the way, The Washington Post's celebrated book critic Michael Dirda just wrote a great, totally unpedantic piece on the silliness of the argument that language should have no rules at all.  Here's a no-paywall link.   

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That’s it, folks. See you all on The Weekend Gene Pool. Again, I implore, please send in more questions. I will attend to them at length on Tuesday. At this here button

Also, despite what it says, this is not a button to upgrade your subscription to “paid.” It is a button to contribute to the Biden campaign. I urge generosity. Ignore the fine print. Actually, ignore all print, like the TL;DR people do.