Along with Judy Freed's second runner-up entry from the Jewish mother, I want to shout out Leif Picoult's entry on bragging, Jonathan Jensen's limerick, Duncan Stevens's list of metaphors for TFG's lack of smarts, and Beverley Sharp's meta entry, all of which made me laugh out loud - bravo all!
Ok, I disagree with your winner. I like this one best of all:
My wife told me our love life could use something new. So I said, “How about a three-way?” She said, “Great idea! You choose the two guys and then you can watch.” (Chris Doyle)
Skiing is a hoot. The aches and pains and limping is the price one pays for learning the limits of one's ability. You get better, and the pains get less, unless you insist on going to the slopes where you have no business going. Except that I have super-wide feet, but rentable ski boots are not super-wide. Since I have reached an age at which tight shoes have broken some of my foot bones (twice!), downhill skiing is off the table. If I should happen to move north before infirmity catches up with me, cross-country skiing is not out of consideration. The snow-shoes in my shed, purchased in the year after the Winter of Snowpocalypses, have been used only once. I won't make that mistake with skis, which are significantly more expensive.
So I'm the one who wrote about skiing and contact lenses, and I'm going to admit now that I was once on a ridiculous all-expense-paid luxury corporate "retreat" in Beaver Creek Colorado, and we had one day of "bonding" where we could choose any number of group activities, one of which was skiing with equipment and lessons included. I decided if not now, never, and I went for it, but I too have impossible-to-fit wide feet, and after about 30 minutes of trying different boots and being assured that the ones I had on (that crushed my feet when I stood up) were the right size, I said you know what? I'm going to do the snowmobile thing instead.
Yeah, my experience is that traditional bicycle shoes and ski boots always caused me pain. I used to just put up with it until it became an ignorable dull ache, because I had enough flexibility to accommodate. Not any more.
Art you say? Several years ago, international headlines told of a visitor to the Uffizi Gallery in Florence who had a heart attack while contemplating Botticelli's “The Birth of Venus.” Turns out this was not a mere coincidence. Apparently, there is a fairly long history behind the notion that art can be so overwhelming as to cause physical illness. Although, not officially confirmed, something similar to this was said to have occurred at several Weingarten public poetry readings and occasionally, during his tenure at the newspaper whose name we dare not speak.
This phenomenon — called the “Stendhal syndrome” — was first named by an Italian psychiatrist in 1989. The name refers to an episode described by the French writer Stendhal (“The Charterhouse of Parma” and “The Red and the Black”) in his travel memoir about the journey that he undertook through Italy in 1817. Other anecdotes describing the pronounced effect of great artworks on the human psyche also date back to at least the 19th century, although the “Stendhal syndrome” appears to be unique to Florence because of the sheer concentration of great art there. And evidently, it only affects foreign tourists.
Something I've been wondering about for years (okay, maybe as of a couple of minutes ago). Has the Imperial Court ever considered declaring the equivalent of "nolo contendere" or "no contest" for one or another Invitational down through the decades? Or can your finely honed forensic abilities always find humor ?
Correct me if I'm wrong about the ho-ho story, but you would probably have found it difficult to remove your pants even if you wanted to --- Tom the Butcher's caution notwithstanding.
The humor in this contest I think is best gotten from something in Joe’s voice, but a surprise like a childish or another angle because well, he is old and boring, and a surprise would be that he is go kart driving or anything different engaging in criminality etc. Also, admissions of advanced age, something he shouldn’t do. not just coincidentally true. I like Duncan’s FDR- Red Sea soliloquy.
Sorry boss. Had to try "Weingarten Syndrome" and lo and behold (and you personally may have beheld it previously...) there is a "Weingarten's Syndrome" which has nothing to do with deathless prose or an attempt to emulate it by entering a death-defying competition or alternately, the agita caused by curry. To those in the know it's known formally as tropical pulmonary eosinophilia, which, on closer inspection, is a laundry list of symptoms rivaling yours in number (at least those we know about).
Every voter must remember the words of my predecessor, who said (and this is an exact quote): “We are a nation that just heard that Saudi Arabia and Russia will we-be-do-a.” (Frank Osen)
The closed captioning in the picture lists the words as will re be doog gahhh. I could find this quote nowhere else online with audio to verify it.
Along with Judy Freed's second runner-up entry from the Jewish mother, I want to shout out Leif Picoult's entry on bragging, Jonathan Jensen's limerick, Duncan Stevens's list of metaphors for TFG's lack of smarts, and Beverley Sharp's meta entry, all of which made me laugh out loud - bravo all!
Thanks for the shout-out. I actually feared my poem was too close to the truth to be funny.
Well it was rather on point, I agree, but I love me a good limerick, so I could laugh at your cleverness if not at the topic! ;-)
I had such a good example for this week's contest:
"LOVE Artist Robert Indiana"
His famous work was just a word
That felt as welcome as a hug
Until a contest most absurd
Debased it for the LOSER mug
Here's the mug JefCon's referring to. https://wapo.st/3xcPFtP
Wait, Indiana is the artists's NAME? I remember seeing that sculpture when my parents took me to the Indianapolis Museum of Art.
An example of the rare premature noink, I presume.
It was an "And Last" so counts as ink in a very hard to obtain category.
Ok, I disagree with your winner. I like this one best of all:
My wife told me our love life could use something new. So I said, “How about a three-way?” She said, “Great idea! You choose the two guys and then you can watch.” (Chris Doyle)
My 1st Runner-up would be Jonathan Jensen's poem about "the party of freedom and God"
Of billionaires, guns and the fetus."
2RU stays with Judy Freed's Jewish mother and my 3RU would be Duncan's Ancient man that wasn't elected to Senate until the day after FDR died.
I just got a Googlenope this morning, with "Random Death Fish." My ten-year-old and I play a game before school to try and find one.
Great band name!
They were founded by Country Joe and the Fish's grandkids.
I roared at the one- liner about inflation
How did Duncan Stevens get two inks for one entry?
Pat and I are trying to boost his scores.
Skiing is a hoot. The aches and pains and limping is the price one pays for learning the limits of one's ability. You get better, and the pains get less, unless you insist on going to the slopes where you have no business going. Except that I have super-wide feet, but rentable ski boots are not super-wide. Since I have reached an age at which tight shoes have broken some of my foot bones (twice!), downhill skiing is off the table. If I should happen to move north before infirmity catches up with me, cross-country skiing is not out of consideration. The snow-shoes in my shed, purchased in the year after the Winter of Snowpocalypses, have been used only once. I won't make that mistake with skis, which are significantly more expensive.
So I'm the one who wrote about skiing and contact lenses, and I'm going to admit now that I was once on a ridiculous all-expense-paid luxury corporate "retreat" in Beaver Creek Colorado, and we had one day of "bonding" where we could choose any number of group activities, one of which was skiing with equipment and lessons included. I decided if not now, never, and I went for it, but I too have impossible-to-fit wide feet, and after about 30 minutes of trying different boots and being assured that the ones I had on (that crushed my feet when I stood up) were the right size, I said you know what? I'm going to do the snowmobile thing instead.
Yeah, my experience is that traditional bicycle shoes and ski boots always caused me pain. I used to just put up with it until it became an ignorable dull ache, because I had enough flexibility to accommodate. Not any more.
I would like to see a photo of Gene in his 20s.
Props to the one that made me laugh out loud: Frank Osen's dreamscape
Art you say? Several years ago, international headlines told of a visitor to the Uffizi Gallery in Florence who had a heart attack while contemplating Botticelli's “The Birth of Venus.” Turns out this was not a mere coincidence. Apparently, there is a fairly long history behind the notion that art can be so overwhelming as to cause physical illness. Although, not officially confirmed, something similar to this was said to have occurred at several Weingarten public poetry readings and occasionally, during his tenure at the newspaper whose name we dare not speak.
This phenomenon — called the “Stendhal syndrome” — was first named by an Italian psychiatrist in 1989. The name refers to an episode described by the French writer Stendhal (“The Charterhouse of Parma” and “The Red and the Black”) in his travel memoir about the journey that he undertook through Italy in 1817. Other anecdotes describing the pronounced effect of great artworks on the human psyche also date back to at least the 19th century, although the “Stendhal syndrome” appears to be unique to Florence because of the sheer concentration of great art there. And evidently, it only affects foreign tourists.
Something I've been wondering about for years (okay, maybe as of a couple of minutes ago). Has the Imperial Court ever considered declaring the equivalent of "nolo contendere" or "no contest" for one or another Invitational down through the decades? Or can your finely honed forensic abilities always find humor ?
This one came close, with just a winner, a runner-up, and a single honorable mention:
http://nrars.org/paperPDF/0046.pdf
Ouch!
Correct me if I'm wrong about the ho-ho story, but you would probably have found it difficult to remove your pants even if you wanted to --- Tom the Butcher's caution notwithstanding.
The humor in this contest I think is best gotten from something in Joe’s voice, but a surprise like a childish or another angle because well, he is old and boring, and a surprise would be that he is go kart driving or anything different engaging in criminality etc. Also, admissions of advanced age, something he shouldn’t do. not just coincidentally true. I like Duncan’s FDR- Red Sea soliloquy.
Sorry boss. Had to try "Weingarten Syndrome" and lo and behold (and you personally may have beheld it previously...) there is a "Weingarten's Syndrome" which has nothing to do with deathless prose or an attempt to emulate it by entering a death-defying competition or alternately, the agita caused by curry. To those in the know it's known formally as tropical pulmonary eosinophilia, which, on closer inspection, is a laundry list of symptoms rivaling yours in number (at least those we know about).
Every voter must remember the words of my predecessor, who said (and this is an exact quote): “We are a nation that just heard that Saudi Arabia and Russia will we-be-do-a.” (Frank Osen)
The closed captioning in the picture lists the words as will re be doog gahhh. I could find this quote nowhere else online with audio to verify it.
The winner was so good that you gave it an HM, too?
yes.