We seem to have forgotten that this month marks the 100th anniversary of the death of the mathematician and philosopher John Venn. Yes --- the namesake for those ubiquitous pictures of typically two or three intersecting circles, illustrating the relationships between two or three collections of things. Think of it as "if" and "Venn."
It strikes me with the Demon Governor of Tallahassee doing his best to drive people out of his state ("It's mine! All mine!") --- an abortion ban at six weeks, his latest effort to make Florida both memorable and uninhabitable --- the state will need some slogans to attract tourists and new residents. Large billboards in Alabama and Mississippi proclaiming it as the former home of the discoverer of Dave Barry is just not going to do it alone. So, what better place than this for catchphrases with that ineffable je ne sais quoi quality of Losing. How about, "Florida: C'mon Take a Chance!" or mayhap, "Florida: Our Arts Have No Parts." Then there's "Florida: Book Free and Proud Of It!" Your serve.
Walk around with no pants? That is not a fantasy after life. That is how they rase toddlers in Vietnam. No pans and they just poop where they can. At least that is what I saw in 1975 when I lived in Bien Hoa. That sounds like reincarnation.
I saw the same sort of thing in China in 1990. The toddlers had pants, but the rear end was cut out so they could just let loose whenever and wherever.
Ya know, Chris, your Abominable Pie may be wasted on Gene. He’d probably taste what his tongue could reach, just out of curiosity. No one else would do that. Maybe Bear Grylls. Now there’s a thought–“I Survived Bear Grylls’s Brunch” with Gene Weingarten on PPV. I’d pay.
Before we go, I want to let you know that NEXT WEEK, we're running what's traditionally -- and I mean for decades on end -- The Invitational's biggest contest of the year: our annual "foal breeding" wordplay contest: I'll list 100 of the horses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, and you "breed" any two names to produce a "foal" whose name cleverly, often with puns, reflects both parents' names. Results will run right before the Derby. This year you have to subscribe to play (you can get in even if you just sign up for a month), which means that you're a lot more likely to get ink than most years, when you were up against 4,000 other entries.
I didn't get a chance to comment on this chat question before: Can you be condescending to a dog? Sure, but they only care if it’s in front of another dog. So if there’s no second dog, have at it! It’s actually a lot of fun. I made up insulting rhymes and song parodies about my series of pugs for decades. But it’s been even more fun to disparage our current patronized pet, Sharona. The peculiarity of French Bulldogs is so inspirational. She carried us through the pandemic.
As far as I can remember, only I have punched two people--both right in the nose. Both fights were in junior high school and they both went like this: They swung at me, I blocked their punch, and I hit them in the face once very hard. Both of them fell to the ground with a bloodied nose. The first happened in Brooklyn, Iowa in the fall of '84 and the other in Colorado Springs in the fall of '85. In both cases, it was self-defense and I was reacting to having been picked-on, bullied, and called names by them on previous occasions. Suffice it to say, neither they nor anyone else who saw it happen called me names again.
No, both occurred during the first few weeks of school, which meant I was bully free for the rest of the year. BTW- I didn't lick the flagpole because I wasn't stupid.
Oh no we killed Gene but I think he'll come back to life someday, only to die for real on October 8, 2029 just after midnight in the most hilarious twist ending to someone's life ever.
Re this week's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions contest: Duh, of course we've done this contest before. And also duh, the retorts -- and sometimes the questions -- were a little more sophisticated than what Mad would run. Like this one from Loser and well-known astronomer Phil Plait::
""Who do you think you are, anyway?" "I think I am Rene Descartes. Therefore,
I am Rene Descartes. Who do you think you are?"
You can see the results of our 1995 contest here: (scroll down past that week's new contest) :
What is a healthy amount of poop shame? My recurring nightmare revolves around people walking in on me on the toilet in various locales, while I pretend nothing is going on, attempting to wipe surreptitiously. To my despair, I fool no one. What the eff is wrong with me?
Your current amount of poop shame sounds reasonable. Last night I dreamed I watched Harpo Marx match-up a drawerful of socks. Nothing else happened, and neither of us spoke. Boring enough to put me to sleep, only I was already asleep. What the eff is wrong with ME?
I was punched in the face when I was a summer Security Guard at Kings Dominion. It was the first year they were open and the only "weapons" we had were the pith helmet on our head and the Motorola radio (that only ONE of the two member team carried and we were told that if we broke it we would have to pay for it). We did get some training in how to use the hat. The guy grabbed my tie (I learned in that instant why they made wear clip-ons!) and time seemed to slow down. I turned my head and was somewhat amazed that this guy had my tie in his hand and when I looked back up, he round housed me in the face knocking my helmet off. As per our limited training, I caught it backhand in midair and thought for just a split second that I could pop HIM in the face with it. But I quickly realized that he had huge arms and his brother was holding him back. And in that moment of time slow down, I realized that if I hit him and his brother let him go, I was dogmeat.
We seem to have forgotten that this month marks the 100th anniversary of the death of the mathematician and philosopher John Venn. Yes --- the namesake for those ubiquitous pictures of typically two or three intersecting circles, illustrating the relationships between two or three collections of things. Think of it as "if" and "Venn."
It strikes me with the Demon Governor of Tallahassee doing his best to drive people out of his state ("It's mine! All mine!") --- an abortion ban at six weeks, his latest effort to make Florida both memorable and uninhabitable --- the state will need some slogans to attract tourists and new residents. Large billboards in Alabama and Mississippi proclaiming it as the former home of the discoverer of Dave Barry is just not going to do it alone. So, what better place than this for catchphrases with that ineffable je ne sais quoi quality of Losing. How about, "Florida: C'mon Take a Chance!" or mayhap, "Florida: Our Arts Have No Parts." Then there's "Florida: Book Free and Proud Of It!" Your serve.
Walk around with no pants? That is not a fantasy after life. That is how they rase toddlers in Vietnam. No pans and they just poop where they can. At least that is what I saw in 1975 when I lived in Bien Hoa. That sounds like reincarnation.
I saw the same sort of thing in China in 1990. The toddlers had pants, but the rear end was cut out so they could just let loose whenever and wherever.
Ya know, Chris, your Abominable Pie may be wasted on Gene. He’d probably taste what his tongue could reach, just out of curiosity. No one else would do that. Maybe Bear Grylls. Now there’s a thought–“I Survived Bear Grylls’s Brunch” with Gene Weingarten on PPV. I’d pay.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and venture that someone took Chris Doyle's name in vain.
If we're the afterlife, it's going to need a new name.
Before we go, I want to let you know that NEXT WEEK, we're running what's traditionally -- and I mean for decades on end -- The Invitational's biggest contest of the year: our annual "foal breeding" wordplay contest: I'll list 100 of the horses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, and you "breed" any two names to produce a "foal" whose name cleverly, often with puns, reflects both parents' names. Results will run right before the Derby. This year you have to subscribe to play (you can get in even if you just sign up for a month), which means that you're a lot more likely to get ink than most years, when you were up against 4,000 other entries.
That would be a horse of a different collar. No. No Really. Too kind.
I didn't get a chance to comment on this chat question before: Can you be condescending to a dog? Sure, but they only care if it’s in front of another dog. So if there’s no second dog, have at it! It’s actually a lot of fun. I made up insulting rhymes and song parodies about my series of pugs for decades. But it’s been even more fun to disparage our current patronized pet, Sharona. The peculiarity of French Bulldogs is so inspirational. She carried us through the pandemic.
Sharona has legs like an ottoman.
Her face looks like a bat.
What Mother Nature oughtta done
Is…Something better than that…
A: On October 7, 2029. If this turns out to be true, this will be the most famous online post in history.
At which time you will be about MY age. Should I be worried?
Don, did Gene give you a discount on the subscription price? How awkward will Thanksgiving be?
As far as I can remember, only I have punched two people--both right in the nose. Both fights were in junior high school and they both went like this: They swung at me, I blocked their punch, and I hit them in the face once very hard. Both of them fell to the ground with a bloodied nose. The first happened in Brooklyn, Iowa in the fall of '84 and the other in Colorado Springs in the fall of '85. In both cases, it was self-defense and I was reacting to having been picked-on, bullied, and called names by them on previous occasions. Suffice it to say, neither they nor anyone else who saw it happen called me names again.
Was it in the winter and did you lick the flagpole, too?
No, both occurred during the first few weeks of school, which meant I was bully free for the rest of the year. BTW- I didn't lick the flagpole because I wasn't stupid.
Oh no we killed Gene but I think he'll come back to life someday, only to die for real on October 8, 2029 just after midnight in the most hilarious twist ending to someone's life ever.
He is risen!
Re this week's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions contest: Duh, of course we've done this contest before. And also duh, the retorts -- and sometimes the questions -- were a little more sophisticated than what Mad would run. Like this one from Loser and well-known astronomer Phil Plait::
""Who do you think you are, anyway?" "I think I am Rene Descartes. Therefore,
I am Rene Descartes. Who do you think you are?"
You can see the results of our 1995 contest here: (scroll down past that week's new contest) :
http://nrars.org/inviteText/0131.html
And the results of our 2005 one. http://nrars.org/inviteText/0612.html
What is a healthy amount of poop shame? My recurring nightmare revolves around people walking in on me on the toilet in various locales, while I pretend nothing is going on, attempting to wipe surreptitiously. To my despair, I fool no one. What the eff is wrong with me?
Your current amount of poop shame sounds reasonable. Last night I dreamed I watched Harpo Marx match-up a drawerful of socks. Nothing else happened, and neither of us spoke. Boring enough to put me to sleep, only I was already asleep. What the eff is wrong with ME?
You are a ridiculous specimen of humanity. I share your shame.
I was punched in the face when I was a summer Security Guard at Kings Dominion. It was the first year they were open and the only "weapons" we had were the pith helmet on our head and the Motorola radio (that only ONE of the two member team carried and we were told that if we broke it we would have to pay for it). We did get some training in how to use the hat. The guy grabbed my tie (I learned in that instant why they made wear clip-ons!) and time seemed to slow down. I turned my head and was somewhat amazed that this guy had my tie in his hand and when I looked back up, he round housed me in the face knocking my helmet off. As per our limited training, I caught it backhand in midair and thought for just a split second that I could pop HIM in the face with it. But I quickly realized that he had huge arms and his brother was holding him back. And in that moment of time slow down, I realized that if I hit him and his brother let him go, I was dogmeat.
I grew up in the Boston area. Also have played a lot of hockey. I would have guessed the question to be, who hasn’t gotten punched in the face.