Welcome to our special New Zealand themed banquet! The main course will be roasted Kiwi bird, and dessert will be a nice kiwi fruit Pavlova. But first, a little ruru.
Re: searching for a Post story. Even if it was a Post story you would not have found it. They have one of the worst search functions I have ever encountered.
I have put in the first line of the lede and the reporter’s name and never gotten to a story posted within the last few days. I can only guess it sorts by clicks not recency. So you get vaguely related things that were popular to read 5 years ago.
There was a brief time when it was pretty good, with drop-downs for sections and date ranges, but the powers that be chose to “simplify” it, i.e., make it useless. I prefer DuckDuckGo for searching. The less I feed the former “don’t be evil” empire, the less I get targeted for certain ads. Admittedly, I still use Gmail, but I never leave it open.
Aack, I realized too late that I sent my balliols from an email address under which I was not subscribed. Fixed it yesterday but too late. At least, that's the reason I'm telling myself they didn't get ink. Please don't disabuse me of that notion. And, to complete the tackiness of this message, here they are:
The second two are quite good. Pat and I don't know who submitted what when we judge them -- we check names, and check for subscription status, only after choosing the finalists. I don't think those were among the finalists. But they are worthy entries. Just about every week we get more inkworthy entries than we can publish.
That's a good question, Connie. It's not about available space, it's about the public's available attention span and time. Pat and I know when it seems too long. We don't want people getting bored.
If I may be so bold, not a matter of attention span considering your audience and the ancillary attractions of TGP. Each week's Invite does not suddenly disappear into the ether (at least not yet...) and in terms of continuing engagement, readers are likely to return if attention or time constraints are issues on a first reading. You're thinking in terms of linear time --- "get it and forget it," or along the lines of what used to be called "appointment TV" (or a daily newspaper) and, I suggest, primarily in terms of Losers showing up largely to test their senses of humor against those of your love children. My reading of the room after almost four years tells me there's a goodly percentage who simply enjoy the results (the polls, Q&A, Comments) and would, I further suggest, enjoy more curated entries, even if you offered them as a click away option on a separate page or two of "Worthies" or "Honorable Misses." The acknowledgment would not go amiss either in terms of that always important engagement. You have the finalists in hand as a part of the judging process and since you already ask to be second guessed, a few more sure winners missed to choose from should not make all that much difference.
The best place for you to share your "noink" entries is in the Style Invitational Devotees group, bit.ly/invdev, in the thread under which I share that week's Invite.
So sorry. I thought that was what this was! I will admit to some confusion between substacks/social media venues when it comes to the Style Invitational. Apologies!
I know that we see each others’s on LoserNet, wish everyone submitted. But I’ve satisfied my own humor, my colleagues’s curiosity. I don’t need to hijack the concept with noinks here, unless it’s a topical coincidence with some other thing I previously wrote.
I loved Jesse F's "cents" entry, among several others. After reading all of the entries, I found I was reading your real time portion in Balliol rhyme, as well.
Since vagina appears to be the Organ of the Day (so far...), l suggest we consider just some of its many euphemisms before moving on to the adrenals which, by comparison, have relatively few. There's the presently popular "vajayjay," second only to "coochie" in the um.."down there" here and now vernacular. But let us not forget (except under duress...): the "bajingo;" "fufu" (beloved of many a young daughter's mother); "Mary-Ellen" (okay, at least not "Karen"); "Penis Fly Trap" (in many, but not all quarters); "Doo-dah; "Lady Bits (or "Garden") and why not, "Fandango" (a euphemism itself for "Fanny"). What's in your um...wallet?
Those wonderful Belgian frites...with not only plain mayonnaise, but other mayonnaises with flavorings like curry, andalouse, aioli. The kinds of sauces you'd serve with meat fondues.
It's a line from Joan Baez's "Diamonds and Rust." Every time Jon K. doesn't get ink in a poetry contest, or maybe when doesn't get ink for ALL his poems, he posts this.
Even darker and more tragic. Unspeakable really. Ted "The Grim Reaper" Hughes had an affair (and a daughter) with poet Assia Wevill, who took her own life (like Plath and by the same method) and that of their daughter. Those presumably in the know say that her tumultuous affair with Hughes was a critical factor in Plath's suicide, which greatly affected Wevill and very probably contributed to hers and her daughter's murder.
Louis C.K. said that as a kid he thought the word was "vaginer," and he always wondered what the act of vagining was. I guess that joke is less funny now.
Speaking of vaginas (which, I must add for the record, is not, and never has been, a usual topic of conversation for me, even in my incessantly horny and much less mature mid-20s), it takes a very special relationship with one's mother to get her this for Mother's Day: https://home.woot.com/offers/funny-mom-coffee-mug-11oz (fair warning: woot!, is owned by Amazon).
I would argue that the distinction between a regime and an administration is in whether the "administration" will tolerate removal from office by peaceful and lawful means. Regimes tolerate nothing that they don't require.
My problem with the first RU: it suggests Trump saying "excuse me" and "my turn". These are words I don't think he would be capable of saying. It breaks the suspension of disbelief.
Welcome to our special New Zealand themed banquet! The main course will be roasted Kiwi bird, and dessert will be a nice kiwi fruit Pavlova. But first, a little ruru.
Re: searching for a Post story. Even if it was a Post story you would not have found it. They have one of the worst search functions I have ever encountered.
I have put in the first line of the lede and the reporter’s name and never gotten to a story posted within the last few days. I can only guess it sorts by clicks not recency. So you get vaguely related things that were popular to read 5 years ago.
Yes, it's always been bad. The best way to find a Post story is to Google it.
There was a brief time when it was pretty good, with drop-downs for sections and date ranges, but the powers that be chose to “simplify” it, i.e., make it useless. I prefer DuckDuckGo for searching. The less I feed the former “don’t be evil” empire, the less I get targeted for certain ads. Admittedly, I still use Gmail, but I never leave it open.
Aack, I realized too late that I sent my balliols from an email address under which I was not subscribed. Fixed it yesterday but too late. At least, that's the reason I'm telling myself they didn't get ink. Please don't disabuse me of that notion. And, to complete the tackiness of this message, here they are:
I, Little Marco, hereby swear
To kiss Trump’s ass, so round and bare.
I once did stand, proud and un-fibbin’,
Against that feces-flinging gibbon.
(Marco Rubio)
I never voted to impeach;
I claimed that it was overreach.
Since I won’t run again, it’s rich
I’ve found my spine. (Yup, my name’s Mitch.)
(Mitch McConnell)
I may be young but look at me!
I’m hacking the bureaucracy!
A DOGE teen, I’m called Big Balls!
Wait, gotta go -- my mommy calls.
(One of Musk's "staff")
The second two are quite good. Pat and I don't know who submitted what when we judge them -- we check names, and check for subscription status, only after choosing the finalists. I don't think those were among the finalists. But they are worthy entries. Just about every week we get more inkworthy entries than we can publish.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, even though you did bust my myth of telling myself it was a 'subscription issue.' Ha. :)
I liked the gibbon one best. Which shows you why I don't get a lot of ink. :)
Ditto! The times I've gotten ink are always for my least favorite submissions -- and not very often at that!
I've been curious about this: What's stopping you from publishing them? It's no longer space on a printed page.
That's a good question, Connie. It's not about available space, it's about the public's available attention span and time. Pat and I know when it seems too long. We don't want people getting bored.
If I may be so bold, not a matter of attention span considering your audience and the ancillary attractions of TGP. Each week's Invite does not suddenly disappear into the ether (at least not yet...) and in terms of continuing engagement, readers are likely to return if attention or time constraints are issues on a first reading. You're thinking in terms of linear time --- "get it and forget it," or along the lines of what used to be called "appointment TV" (or a daily newspaper) and, I suggest, primarily in terms of Losers showing up largely to test their senses of humor against those of your love children. My reading of the room after almost four years tells me there's a goodly percentage who simply enjoy the results (the polls, Q&A, Comments) and would, I further suggest, enjoy more curated entries, even if you offered them as a click away option on a separate page or two of "Worthies" or "Honorable Misses." The acknowledgment would not go amiss either in terms of that always important engagement. You have the finalists in hand as a part of the judging process and since you already ask to be second guessed, a few more sure winners missed to choose from should not make all that much difference.
The best place for you to share your "noink" entries is in the Style Invitational Devotees group, bit.ly/invdev, in the thread under which I share that week's Invite.
So sorry. I thought that was what this was! I will admit to some confusion between substacks/social media venues when it comes to the Style Invitational. Apologies!
Very good definitely join LoserNet!
Ah yes Francesca, like you I committed a grievous boo-boo. But mine was sending in my worst balliol. I seem to have lost my accent halfway through.
Though the look may be Fester, Emil Bove's the name,
Trying to scare people is now my new game,
Because I did so well with a former client,
For the first White House felon, I'm totally pliant.
I know I've asked you before not to put your entries in the comments.
I know that we see each others’s on LoserNet, wish everyone submitted. But I’ve satisfied my own humor, my colleagues’s curiosity. I don’t need to hijack the concept with noinks here, unless it’s a topical coincidence with some other thing I previously wrote.
I loved Jesse F's "cents" entry, among several others. After reading all of the entries, I found I was reading your real time portion in Balliol rhyme, as well.
Jonathan Jensen’s JD Vance poem with the concluding line, “The whole world calls me Number Two.” was my favorite this week.
Since vagina appears to be the Organ of the Day (so far...), l suggest we consider just some of its many euphemisms before moving on to the adrenals which, by comparison, have relatively few. There's the presently popular "vajayjay," second only to "coochie" in the um.."down there" here and now vernacular. But let us not forget (except under duress...): the "bajingo;" "fufu" (beloved of many a young daughter's mother); "Mary-Ellen" (okay, at least not "Karen"); "Penis Fly Trap" (in many, but not all quarters); "Doo-dah; "Lady Bits (or "Garden") and why not, "Fandango" (a euphemism itself for "Fanny"). What's in your um...wallet?
I feel the need to point out Pebbles Flintstone grew to adulthood and even married in I Yabba-Dabba Doo!.
https://flintstones.fandom.com/wiki/I_Yabba-Dabba_Do!
There was nothing in the page. Tell me it wasn’t Bam-Bam (unless he grew up to be a sexy rock and roll drummer)
The problem appears to be the terminal exclamation mark on the link. Substack is interpreting it as text.
Never mind the other reply was under my screen keyboard
Yes indeed. "Bamm-Bamm Rubble" was the lucky man. Unfortunately, connubial bliss led to the eminently forgettable "The Pebbles and Bam-Bam Show." https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/~OQAAOSwJH1ZJFY2/s-l500.webp
Those wonderful Belgian frites...with not only plain mayonnaise, but other mayonnaises with flavorings like curry, andalouse, aioli. The kinds of sauces you'd serve with meat fondues.
Yes! My fave was actually Bernaise.
Not sure what an “accented” syllable is. Having trouble identifying four in each line.
The instructions read:
Each verse is four li’l lines, rhyming AA/BB, with exactly four accented syllables in each line, as in Gene’s example above.
For example, here's the first one on the list today, Chris Doyle's runner-up:
I’m Luna, and my latest bill (Garrett Morris yells ... / i'm LU-na AND my LA-test BILL
In Congress, if it passes, will / in CON-gress IF it PAS-ses WILL
Put Trump by Lincoln up on Rushmore / put TRUMP by LINColn UP on RUSHmore
So his MAGA fans can gush more. / SO his MAga FANS can GUSH more.
Thanks.
My poetry was lousy you said
I can't recall which poem I was referencing, but I assure you it must have been lousy.
It's a line from Joan Baez's "Diamonds and Rust." Every time Jon K. doesn't get ink in a poetry contest, or maybe when doesn't get ink for ALL his poems, he posts this.
That’s exactly what Ted Hughes said to Sylvia as she was heading to the kitchen.
Now that's dark!
Even darker and more tragic. Unspeakable really. Ted "The Grim Reaper" Hughes had an affair (and a daughter) with poet Assia Wevill, who took her own life (like Plath and by the same method) and that of their daughter. Those presumably in the know say that her tumultuous affair with Hughes was a critical factor in Plath's suicide, which greatly affected Wevill and very probably contributed to hers and her daughter's murder.
Whooooa!!
Jesse Frankovich deserves extra points for rhyming "designer" with "vagina."
(Perhaps inspired by the "Send a Salami to Your Boy in the Army" sign at Katz's Deli?)
Louis C.K. said that as a kid he thought the word was "vaginer," and he always wondered what the act of vagining was. I guess that joke is less funny now.
Guess he didn't have much of a vamagination.
It's still funny. To me, anyway.
Speaking of vaginas (which, I must add for the record, is not, and never has been, a usual topic of conversation for me, even in my incessantly horny and much less mature mid-20s), it takes a very special relationship with one's mother to get her this for Mother's Day: https://home.woot.com/offers/funny-mom-coffee-mug-11oz (fair warning: woot!, is owned by Amazon).
That's a perfect Mother's Day gift!
I hope there isn't a Father's Day equivalent though.
It's the 9-plus months that really count, right?
I would argue that the distinction between a regime and an administration is in whether the "administration" will tolerate removal from office by peaceful and lawful means. Regimes tolerate nothing that they don't require.
My problem with the first RU: it suggests Trump saying "excuse me" and "my turn". These are words I don't think he would be capable of saying. It breaks the suspension of disbelief.
This is still loads of fun, even when fussing, as a community of like minds. Even when we disagree. Even now!