32 Comments

The era of the Grahams is gone.

All we’re left with is crackers.

Expand full comment

Crackers and crumb bums.

Expand full comment

Some people actually do come in green, blue, indigo and violet.

1) Green discoloration may be caused by exogenous agents or endogenous pigments and may result from conditions as innocuous as resolving bruise to serious systemic diseases. (Science Direct.com)

2) Blue - the Fugate family with methemoglobinemia.

3) Cyanosis can cause extremities to be on the blue/purple scale. My son has light purple nail beds - when a teacher noticed it, she called me in a panic to ask me to pick him up from school, convinced he was not getting enough oxygen. The doctor told me it's just 'the color he is.'

But people can have orange skin - carotenemia. Too much beta-carotene in the bloodstream - like Arnold on Magic School Bus Goes Cellular. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgztHTF-uhs

Expand full comment

I was going to say that you could fix that Trump question by striking the word “few”, but I’m reading up on carotenemia and it’s perfectly harmless. Not that he’s ever eaten a vegetable on purpose. I guess you’d have to say “your chosen hue of orange” but this is one of those quips that gets diluted the more words are in its construction.

Expand full comment

My daughter had carotenemia. The skin in between her fingers and the webbing of her hands were distinctly orange. She also consumed carrots up to a pound at a time.

Expand full comment

Slightly off topic but about Trump. I came across a very old Style Invitational entry about Trump when he was just a vulgarian real estate guy. It more pertinent now that he owes tons of money by lying about the value of his buildings. The contest was to take a common saying, change it by a letter, and assign the saying to someone.

Perception is realty. Donald Trump.

Expand full comment

I find it hard not to believe that with all of the brain power of your readers, to say nothing of their acknowledged sadism, better and certainly more colorful punishments can't be conceived for 34 other than simply being banged up or picking up trash along the LIE. May I suggest being placed in stocks in a prominent Central Park location with a ripe fruit kiosk nearby? Or perhaps being forced to parade down Fifth Ave. in only a diaper like Baby Huey. The use of a "Scold's Bridle" might also be satisfying.

Expand full comment

Matt Murray actually grew up in Bethesda, Maryland. He was a classmate of mine at Walter Johnson High School. So, he is not entirely "from elsewhere."

Expand full comment

I loved living in Bethesda in the 80's.

Expand full comment

I should add, Matt Murray is the new Executive Editor of the Post.

Expand full comment

"Go for it." Not a surprise. Of course he could not testify.

Expand full comment

I think I first really felt like a grownup when I discovered that not only did I still have to go to the dentist regularly, I now actually had to pay large sums of money for it.

Expand full comment

I felt like an adult when I realized it was a double edged sword in terms of food--I always dreamed of living on my own so I could do anything I wanted. Obviously you can't do anything you want or you will be homeless. But you actually can EAT anything you want and never eat anything you don't want and as much as you want of it, assuming you can afford it. But the flip side is it is ALWAYS your turn to do the dishes, go to the supermarket, make dinner, do laundry, make repairs, clean the bathroom, etc. So on the one hand you aren't at the mercy of someone making dinner for you, on the other hand no one is making dinner for you. Cook it, eat out, get delivery, or pick it up, otherwise you ain't eating.

Expand full comment

Yes, this is similar in terms of the discovery of freedom and its flip side, onerous responsibility.

Expand full comment

I had lots of orthodontics. By your measure, I matured early. (And before others jump in, I’m well aware most other metrics would vehemently disagree.)

Expand full comment

I meant that I now had to pay for it myself. My parents had always scheduled and paid for dentist appointments. When I was out there on my own in the world I just didn't go to the dentist for a while, and then when I eventually did I was horrified to realize that I had to go through all that and then pay for it too. I thought: oh dear god, this is what being an adult is.

Presumably you didn't have to pay for your braces yourself as a young'un (?).

Expand full comment

Fair point. I paid in discomfort, my parents paid in green. For a long time I had concerns about the work any biological children I had would need.

Expand full comment

So the WaPo lost $77m. Besos must spend that on Viagra alone. Sell the damn paper to Murdoch already and be done with it.

Expand full comment

I answered “Eighteen or under” primarily because I had to register for selective service on my 18th birthday as all able-bodied US males are legally obligated to do or face repercussions such as denial of federal grants and security clearances. It is still on the books today. Exclusively men have to comply with a Federal law that potentially could result in great bodily harm or even death.

One of my slightly younger high school classmates gave me a short, nasty, chewed-up pencil with which to fill out the form as a present.

Expand full comment

Not exclusive anymore since they abolished Roe. Now women have our very own potentially lethal draft requirement, and we don't even have to sign up for it. See the cartoon of the man looking into the microscope and saying, "Strange to think that these embryos will lose their rights if they turn out to be female."

Expand full comment

Best job I ever had, small company owners fell under the thrall of psycho -babblists. Hired Tony Robbins to run a 'session' at one of our annual management conventions.

Much as you described, with the added attraction of a long firepit bed of hot coals prepared for us to walk over after Robbins' motivational hypnosis. That night, without benefit of adult beverage courage, I learned I could walk on fire.

Not to forgive them, but it makes it easier to understand trumps' cultist chumps believing the bucketloads they're fed.

Expand full comment

Please explain how that works.

I mean the walking on fire part.

Expand full comment

Robbins' 'brainwashing session' and peer pressure. Went out and walked across the bed of hot coals his team had prepared.

Expand full comment

And: it didn't hurt? Your feet didn't fall off afterwards?

No blisters, no pain? Or: what?

Expand full comment

No pain, burns, blisters, nada. Mind over matter.

Many of my colleagues were burned, etc.

Only adverse effect was to reinforce my delusion that I was 10 feet tall and bulletproof.

Expand full comment

Hmmm. Interesting. Thank you.

Expand full comment

"Three traveling salesmen get a room at a hotel; the clerk tells them it’s $30 and they each pay $10. A little later the clerk calls one of them down, explains that he was in error and the room was only $25 and hands the salesman $5. On his way back up the salesman figures he’ll give each of the other two guys $1 and pocket the rest. "

The rest of that goes like this....so the salesmen originally each paid $10. They got a dollar back so now they've each paid $9 and the clerk has $2. So, 9x3= 27 + 2 =$29. Where's the OTHER dollar? Probably in Allen Weisselberg's pocket.

Expand full comment

No, the salesman who got the $5 from the clerk paid $10 - $3 = $7 (he gave a dollar to each of the others, saving $3 for himself). The others each paid a net of $9 (after getting their dollars back). Altogether they paid $25. And that is the cost of the room, and the amount that the clerk has after the $5 refund.

Expand full comment

Ah. I missed that one of the salesman got the $5. I always heard it as a third party got the $5 to return to the three. The point in my telling is that that's why the accountants make all the money. You still have to be able to unravel who has what money at the end.

Expand full comment

I knew somebody who went to West Point (ages ago) who said they all had to take an accounting class - not to make them military accountants, but so they would be wise to the things the actual accountants might do.

Expand full comment

You really do.

Expand full comment

Tom is right, in that the punchline to the original involves a little math misdirection ending with “where’d the extra dollar go?”. My hope was that the people familiar with the joke would be rolling their eyes in anticipation, only to get hit with the steak non-sequitur, whereas people who weren’t familiar would at least see it as the setup for a math problem, ending with a non-sequitur.

Expand full comment