51 Comments
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stephen dudzik's avatar

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

Excellent.

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Seth Christenfeld's avatar

A Roman walks into a bar and says to the barkeep, "I'll have a martinus."

Bartender says, "you mean a martini?"

Roman says, "if I wanted a double I'd have asked for it."

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

The day is young, but surprised you didn't mention the new limited (fortunately...) edition fragrances in the Demento line of crap, "Victory 45-47." Casting about for the appropriate slogan for the MAGA faithful, I tentatively came up with: "Now you can smell like shit too!" or perhaps, "Eau de Ewww."

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Louise's avatar

Just a thought. How about "Eau de Flatus"? It kind of drifts off the tongue.

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Sasquatch's avatar

Drifts like a miasmic cloud.

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BigDaddy52's avatar

Love the name! FART! FART! FART!

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Terri Smith's avatar

I like the svelte Oscar-like Trump statuette on the bottles. At least it isn’t naked like Oscar.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Suppose we could be thankful for that. You win the "Backhanded Compliment of the Day."

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Sasquatch's avatar

Or "Rear-ended Compliment of the Day."

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Carol McDonald's avatar

I’m so tired of the capitulation of people, universities, and organizations to this freakishly evil man. I’m so depressed at what he’s done to everything that this country stood for. I just read an article about the cuts to USAID and how many people will die from them. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(25)01186-9/fulltext?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

The joy that the republicans have over the cruelty of the bill and the opening of a concentration camp in the Everglades just sickens me.

I want my country back.

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Kitchen Cynic's avatar

The woman at the bar joke was more subtle. With the mathematician joke, it was easier to get the point.

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Lori M's avatar

I wish that Stephen Colbert would leave CBS over this. But he probably won’t. Give up that sweet, sweet perch of preaching to the choir in the Ed Sullivan Theater? We’ll see what he’s really made of.

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Lawrence M. Miller's avatar

His contract reportedly goes through 2026. "Meanwhile", it will be interesting to see what he says on and off-air about the extortion payoff.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Colbert, like all humans, has a price.

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Lori M's avatar

If only their prices weren’t so low.

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Ted Dreyer's avatar

So, you want Colbert to leave his show over something he had no control over? He should just express his opinion about the extortion on the show.

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Lori M's avatar

Yes I do. Continuing to work for CBS is collaboration. The many attorneys leaving firms that collaborated with Trump are showing the way. Objecting to the bribe but continuing to make money for them shows that he doesn't have THAT much of an objection to what CBS did.

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Connie Akers's avatar

Calling out Trump with wit and laughter every night isn't THAT much of a collaboration. I'm surprised Trump's deal didn't include firing Colbert. The results would be the same as what you're suggesting, though, wouldn't they? Trump getting his way. And Colbert could only leave once. Staying on and shredding Trump night after night sounds like a smarter solution to me.

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Lori M's avatar

You have a good point, but there are other forums in which he could shred Trump nightly. I enjoy Colbert too but he isn’t changing anyone’s mind. Like I said, preaching to the choir. Shari Redstone and the rest of these media moguls who have sold out the country aren’t getting nearly the public shaming they deserve.

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Dave Scocca's avatar

When I was young, I always thought the CBS logo was a baseball inside a football inside a basketball. It took me years before I saw it as an eye.

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Sasquatch's avatar

Oh, my, you might be the perfect audience for this movie from the mid 70s:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_Vision_(1976_film)

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Theodora Monegan's avatar

I now understand why Zombies return. There's a good chance that Uncle Walter will be leading the carnage.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I wonder if Judas, as well as Brutus and Cassius, also signed this letter. I mean, if you're going to talk about traitors, why wouldn't you include the top traitors?

CBS News used to amount to something. Thanks to the current unholy alliance that now owns CBS it no longer does. Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite are undoubtedly spinning in their graves.

Paramount sold out and for what? So their big business deal wouldn't be killed off? What a bunch of sniveling cowards!

P.S.: If Sherry Whatshername thinks this is the end of Donnie Demento's bullying, she's in for a very rude awakening!!

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Charles Osborne's avatar

I'd like to think that even Sumner Redstone would have stood up against this cheap shakedown.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

Anyone with would have stood up to him, especially since Donnie Demento's lawsuit was widely considered to be a non-starter.

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Sasquatch's avatar

How long until Comcast and Warner Brothers Discovery pay their bribes?

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William Pifer-Foote's avatar

As soon as someone wants to buy Max, I mean HBO Max, I mean….

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Well, as you may know, Demento is claiming Comcast is spinning off its cable properties into a standalone entity to be known as Versant by the end of this year because it fears litigation and he has threatened an investigation. He and Comcast CEO Brian Roberts have what might be called a contentious personal relationship. As for WBD, there's apparently no more D.E.I. --- at least not public facing. Like other major Hollywood studios, the company is changing things up to “make sure we continue to comply with the evolving legal landscape in the United States and around the world,” per a memo sent to staffers in February. Um...sure.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

"Doesn’t matter what the press says. Doesn’t matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn’t matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world – ‘No, you move.’"

--- Captain America, Civil War: The Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1 #537

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Terri Smith's avatar

Surely there was another way to bribe him so the sale could go through without damaging their news department. I remember back when CEOs would say they didn’t want to do anything that would make Mike Wallace show up at the door.

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Charles Osborne's avatar

In this regime it's all about the humiliation....

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Robert  Basler's avatar

Robert Basler. Good night and good luck....

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Look, just as movies have become "product," so has much of the news and public affairs (what a quaint description) from legacy media and the staggering network TV sector in particular. To raise questions about journalistic integrity is a wistful nod to the good old days. The real issue is caving to a bully. Think your lunch money will be the end of it? Think again.

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The other GW's avatar

It’ll be funnier when the merger is rejected on anti-trust grounds (or coffee grounds) anyway.

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Sasquatch's avatar

This assumes that some parts of the US Federal Judiciary have not been bought.

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Mark Asquino's avatar

So, that’s the origin of French! Who knew?!

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Victor Bereskin's avatar

I do not like what CBS/Paramount did, but can see why they did it. They would surely have won but it would have cost many times as much to fight the interminable battle needed to do so. This is how Trump operates: litigate until you break or bankrupt your opponent.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Trump won because Sherry Redstone is a greedy amoral POS who wants to accumulate as much money before she shuffles off this mortal coil for her equally greedy, amoral heirs and shareholders. May they all rot.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I am in total agreement with you.

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