64 Comments
User's avatar
Dale of Green Gables's avatar

I believe the "all-women retreat" "joke" is no joke.

Jennifer Elsea's avatar

I wonder what would happen if a trans woman were to go on a retreat there. How long before they sue to designate it a single-sex space and demand genital inspections of prospective attendees?

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Since fools are the currency of the day, and The Gene Pool is known among its aficionados affectionately as "Words-R-Us," I believe it altogether fitting and proper to note federal judges ruling against the Demento administration and Demento personally are using far more "colorful," blunt, and atypical language — including, in some instances, dramatic punctuation — compared to traditional judicial opinions. In fact, D.C. Senior Judge Richard Leon who yesterday (03-31) ruled that Demento had no authority to build his ballroom (as if he needs more ball room...) --- and is known for his evocative language --- was relatively restrained, reportedly using only 19 exclamation points in that opinion as opposed to what must be some sort of record, 27 of them, in striking down an executive order targeting a law firm in May of last year. There he also described the administration's legal defense as a "gumbo" that gave him "heartburn" and included the recipe for the gumbo in his opinion. Doesn't get much more "delicious" than that.

Nancy's avatar

For extra credit:

Dismiss the retreat item, then arrange the other actions in chronological order as they are likely to occur. Just because they haven't happened doesn't mean they won't. In fact, you may have created a "to do" list for the White House.

Lee Lachman's avatar

I used look forward to your column (and several others) in THAT newspaper. I stopped getting the print edition, but follow you (and several others) online. Keep up the good work.

Sam Mertens (he/him)'s avatar

Here’s one, which I completely made up right now. Trump’s shambling gait, and preoccupation with shoes, is because all his toes have fallen off. You’ve seen his hands, but you ain’t seen nothing like his feet.

Sasquatch's avatar

Which leads to the question of whether there is a Trump foot fetish group on 4-Chan.

🤔

🤢

😵‍💫

🤯

I am now going to rinse out my mind with brain bleach.

Sam Mertens (he/him)'s avatar

There’s already the AI video of him loving on Musk’s two left feet (a brilliant AI slip up regarding Musk’s general awkwardness).

Gary A. Rosen's avatar

Ok when are you going to reveal the April fools joke that needs to be un-struck through.

Linda Leibhart's avatar

Okay, did you mean hot paints? Or hot pants? I wonder what Trump would look like in pink hot pants. Just blind me now.I bet Vance would do it. And don’t forget, J. Edgar Hoover liked to dress up too. Maybe Kash would do it, since a predicessor already did it. But hey, I’m rambling on here. I blame it on the regime.

gene weingarten's avatar

Thanks. Fixed. I don't need no effing editor. I got youse guys.

Dale of Green Gables's avatar

"Hi Gene. Claude here. Big fan. Always ready to help."

Sasquatch's avatar

Wanna join me in setting up a brain bleach IV?

Jennifer Elsea's avatar

Tequila works well. Or so I hear.

Linda Leibhart's avatar

I’ll drink to that.

Lynne Larkin's avatar

I was reading through the list of pranks, and when I came to the women's retreat thing, I knew I'd read that story and THEN thought, wait, are they really ALL true??? That would be a prank on us, for sure.

Dan Sachs's avatar

I had my money on the bragging about never eating a vegetable.

Pecos Slim's avatar

Since the start of Trump's catastrophic Iranian expedition, the United States has burned through 90% of the strategic ketchup reserve.

@curiousfred's avatar

Did no one else guess the real scenario was suing Bumble for weeding out conservatives? The administration is lamenting the fall in reproduction of their type of children.

Robert Ebbecke's avatar

You got me. I assumed it would be plans for a casino in Tehran because that’s his usual shtick.

Mary Briant's avatar

what am I, made of money??

Lizbet's avatar

You had to go the other way Gene. Have you heard that Donald Trump just saw the picture of the 5 year old and ordered ICE to stop arresting children because it's the decent thing to do? People who want to believe that there is an actual limit to how far indecency can go will believe it.

Gary E Masters's avatar

So the POTUS wants to be kind to children? Just as Sauron wanted to be kind to Pippen?

(Lord of the Rings: "29

When Pippin... um... 'borrows' the Palantir taken from Orthanc, he hears (for lack of a better word) Sauron say the following in his head:

Tell Saruman that this dainty is not for him. I will send for it at once. Do you understand? Say just that!"

Lizbet's avatar

You do realize, Mr. Colbert, that you've now let everyone know what the fake name you use is, right? Also, the above suggestion was for April Fools.

Gary E Masters's avatar

No. I have a real fake name. But I like that quote to show Sauron and his ways to compare them to Trump and his reported activities. How many danties has Trump had?

Gary E Masters's avatar

For quite a while now, I have considered "All Fools day" to be my holiday. And even more when i saw the link in the Bible. (Not a joke.) So your point is taken. Not so infrequently I do not hesitate to make a link when it may or may not be apt or reasoned. Just a habit.

kenneth gallant's avatar

Wait . . . I misread the question. I thought you said only one was NOT true.

Lizbet's avatar

Eventually correct

Charles Montpetit's avatar

Pink hot paints? Like fluorescent colors?