Re wedding registries: My now-spouse and I didn't have one back in the day (1982), but I think it's okay to have a registry for modest things, so you don't get three hand mixers. Then when you invariably also get checks, then spend them on the costly thing you want. If you have relatives so close that you know they want to buy you a specific lavish present, you can fell comfortable telling them.
Originally the registries existed because it was traditional for brides to assemble large sets of china and silver in particular patterns they've chosen; I think I've seen my mother (married 1954) noting that one person bought a spoon and someone else two plates.
Also in the past couples had not been living together or even on their own before marriage so they needed lots of household stuff. I’d been on my own for 10 years when I got married but my aunt sent me a towel set which was actually useful.
When we got married in 1967, I had a wedding registry. As you say, it specified our china and silver patterns. As it happened, the china pattern (Lenox's Golden Dawn) was new and hard to find (at least in my husband's small town), and I'd been collecting my silver (Wallace Rose Point) from the age of 7 and already had pretty much everything, but I got enough extra silver pieces to trade them in for more china and ended up with 11 place settings of china (used once a year) and more than 12 (18 teaspoons) of silver, including cocktail forks, iced teaspoons, and many serving pieces (used several times a year). I also got two hand mixers and gave one away at the next wedding we were invited to--only to have the one I kept break almost immediately. Similarly, gave away one silver candle snuffer and had the other one break. Some of the stuff I got was pretty horrible and after living in Mother's attic for several years was taken to the charity thrift shop where she worked.
For what it's worth, I appreciate the election day support group and may show up here for it.
But mostly what I'll be doing to relieve the stress for the next 3 weeks (yes, let's be honest, this won't be over on Nov 5) is devoting some hours reach day to VOTE CURING.
As we all know, state legislatures and party operatives are working hard to disenfranchise legal voters. They've cancelled millions of voters' registrations, and now that voting has begun, they are working overtime to challenge and reject actual ballots, mostly on technicalities.
Vote curing is the simple act of contacting people to let them know that their vote isn't being counted, and providing instructions to them on how to "cure" the ballot so that it counts.
This week I've been contacting early mail-in voters in Pennsylvania and Georgia.
I'm surprised to see so many folks express anything other than appreciation for bridal registries.
I used to treat wedding gifts as a special assignment: to find something appropriate price-wise but unique and timeless -- a gift that would certainly last forever and remain a meaningful reminder of our friendship.
Then I got married.
When we'd get something off the registry, we'd think "Thank God. We needed this! And we can write an honest thank you note!"
And we got a lot of "unique" and "meaningful" gifts. They've all been stored up in the attic for 35 years. Every one of them.
When we'd get an ugly crystal keepsake or a piece of art or "collectable" or some handmade serving piece that didn't match our taste, we'd think "Ugh. Here's another thing we hate that we'll have to store somewhere and pull out only when that person visits."
PS we DO remember the gifts we got that were from the registry. They can be memorable too, and we appreciate you.
My daughter went to her first friend's wedding on Saturday. I trained her not to overthink the gift -- just to go to the registry.
The important thing is to put cheap but useful stuff on there as well as big things. It also avoids the problem of getting multiples of some things, and lets gift buyers know optimal colors, sizes, etc. Things like a set of dishes can be purchased by the place setting; the registry lets people who want to do that coordinate. Trust me, a place setting or two of everyday dishes will get a lot more use/ appreciation, albeit as part of a set with other gifts, than a platter that’s only useful on rare occasions.
Looking back, considering how relatively few wedding guests we had (and only one shower), I'm amazed at the amount of loot we got, most of it useful--or at least stuff I thought at the time would be useful, being used to my mother's standard of entertaining. As it turns out, I have far from matched that. I also realize that my mother gave me a lot of it: our first everyday china (and possibly the second set as well--the one we're still using 49 years later), a set of Revere pots and pans (most still in use), and lots of kitchen gadgets. I proudly paid $40 at E. J. Korvette (from my tiny teacher's salary) for a set of stainless cutlery (eight place settings and eight extra teaspoons, plus sugar spoon and butter knife) that we're still using. It is very untraditional in design (doesn't try to look like sterling), and we have always loved it. I've never seen anything like it.
E.J. Korvette....that's a name I haven't read in a couple of decades. Our parents used to purchase much of the kids' clothing at Korvette's. The Korvette's near us had a great record department. where I used to spend hours browsing the vinyl. My first job was as a stockboy at Korvette during the holiday season. It instantiated my distaste for most things Christmas.
I remember that store, or at least its name, because of how confusing I found it as a child that there was apparently a car by the same name, and moreover that it seemed to be a sexy sportscar.
The off-putting factor is EXPENSIVE. No, I do not want to contribute to the down payment on your house or fund your honeymoon, no matter how "needed" either item is. And yet this is increasingly a thing. I have nothing against bridal registries in general.
Don't you get baby shower invitations? I recently spent a bundle via two baby shower registries. There were items I purchased that I never heard of and am still unclear about their purpose.
No, I guess I don't know anyone who's having babies. My children and their friends are too old (and out of town, anyway), and I don't have friends that age here. I agree, though, that the things that babies need nowadays are a far cry from what we had. The first time someone mentioned a "onesie," it took me quite some time to remember that we had called it a "romper." And I had to be careful in admiring my daughter's stroller to make it clear that I was being admiring rather than dismissive in comparing it to the umbrella stroller that sufficed for her and her brother (and didn't double as a car seat, carrier, etc.).
Ethically, I have feet in my certification, my firm and it’s ethics code, and the court along with knowledge of the penalties. And also client privilege though she wasn’t one. I would have advised her fully and not reported her right away. If in court subsequently or in responding to a question I couldn’t answer honestly without reporting her, I would have.
Our wedding announcement included the language, "Gifts are not expected." At the reception, one of my colleagues apologized to me for not bringing a gift. I told him, "Your appearance at our reception is your gift to me. For that I thank you."
I think the writer's brother (who was present when the law-breaking was announced) had an obligation to report the tax cheat. The writer, who was not present, had only hearsay to go by. Of course, I am not a lawyer, it's just how I would have proceeded. Brother--yes, report. Writer--no.
I wish I had thought about that when I got my Covid/Flu shot on Monday morning: I hurt like someone is beating me with a soggy throw pillow. I called in to work to take the day off which immediately had co-workers trickling out of the woodwork saying "Sorry to bother you today when you're sick, but I need....." Sorry, dudes and dudettes - when I said I was sick today, I really meant I was sick today. I slept for 12 hours and my terror dreams disturbed the poor cat sleeping on my lap.
I learned after my first round that I have to schedule a day off after a covid shot. Every time I get vaxxed, I'm down for the count the entire next day with chills and full-body pain. So I go for the covid/flu two-fer and just plan to spend 24 hours in bed with my cats.
I'm not usually this sensitive to vaccines. I choose to believe my body is just getting *really* prepared to fight off the real thing.
Following your logic (which seems logical), I should probably worry that I never have more than a little tenderness at the injection site. Admittedly, we didn't combine Covid and flu this time because Walgreen's FINALLY let us get RSV, so we got that with Covid--will get flu later this month.
The second Shingles vax laid me out for two days. Last year I got both the covid and flu shots the same day, and I was out for 24 hours. This year I've spaced them out, but still haven't gotten the covid one.
I had the Shingles shots so long ago that I don't remember any particular effect. I guess I've been blessed with vaccine resistance (if that's a good thing)--or a poor memory!
Some recent research shows that more side effects from the COVID shots might be beneficial because they reflect greater production of virus-fighting antibodies after vaccination. The mRNA vaccines are the worst offenders, comparable in side-effects to the shingles vaccines. The experts don't yet know why, but are at work on the next generation of hopefully better tolerated nucleic acid vaccines.
This is why my lack of reaction worries me a little. But so far I am a COVID virgin. We've taken the tests a time or two (ahead of visits from relatives) but never had a positive one. I guess being antisocial can be beneficial.
My e-mail Inbox got a message from The Atlantic that touts and article titled, Trump: ‘I Need the Kind of Generals That Hitler Had’ I read it as "I Need the Kind of Genitals That Hitler Had."
The latest word is that Hitler had both an undescended testicle and a tiny penis. Since the wanna-be Führer has nothing if he doesn't have large cojones, we can only surmise (accepting your -- heh-heh -- unintentional misunderstanding) that "tiny" represents a step up from "toadstool."
I spent election night 2016 at the bedside of my husband in the ER with a-fib. I kept checking the vote tally but refused to look at it after we got home around midnight as I didn’t want more bad news keeping me awake. Now I have atrial flutter and don’t need another night like 2016!
I remember watching the 2016 results in bed late at night and actually getting heart palpitations when Trump was declared the winner. Oddly, I don't remember where/when/how I watched the 2020 vote count -- maybe I refused to watch and decided to get the good/bad news in the morning.
This time, I feel like I will again avoid the whole thing -- bad news this time will REALLY be bad news.
I am reliably informed by members of the family who still have first marriage friends that wedding registries now include "suggested" cash amounts and something called "wedding experiences." Honeymoon expenses come to mind, but only after the other more um...entertaining.."experiences" are mentally ticked off.
The story I've often heard about Arnold Palmer is that he once was a guest on the Tonight Show, and was asked by Johnny Carson if he had any pre-tournament rituals to bring good luck. Palmer was supposed to have said that his wife kissed his balls before a tournament, to which Johnny supposedly replied, "I'll bet that makes your putter stand up." Too bad it didn't really happen.
Weekend before last, the whole family got our covid + flu shots. I also got a third shot for tetanus, since I was due. Everybody reacted differently, but mostly we were just groggy. My wife, who usually has a hard time with the covid shot, reported doing quite well. We went with the Novavax (non-mRNA) shot that time, as opposed to the mRNAs we’d always gotten before (on the premise that variety is good). I can only note the correlation between shot type and our reactions to it, I can’t claim any causation.
As I am a bankruptcy specialist of sorts, not paying payroll taxes is an arrestible offense. Someone even from the state DOJ can call and say, “I’m coming to arrest you,” and the process goes on. As such, State DOJ officials can be dressed for court and still have to travel to a site to arrest someone, and as such they are required to carry a weapon and obviously be trained on one. (Insight on Kamala). There are whistleblower rewards, 10% of a judgment and the like. I would have advised her to pay, perhaps kept mum. But I have ethical obligations to my certification and my firm, to not lie and to be professional, and to the court when I am participating, and I wouldn’t conceal for long the information.
RE employer not paying payroll taxes. They aren't just stealing from the government, and all of us, they are reducing the amout of social security their employees will get when they retire. I hope they get jail time and a huge fine.
My trick when substack doesn't recognize me as a subscriber and let me vote in a poll is to click on "the Gene Pool" logo or the little cartoon Gene at the top of page, which takes you to the main TGP page with all posts, and then click again on the latest post. I suspect this is because substack considers you logged in with one device at a time, and I regularly read using different computers and devices.
When I got married a couple years ago (to the egg guy above) we were told by several invited guests that we were making things unnecessarily hard for them by not having a registry, so we threw one together of just really random things. Some guests abided by our suggestion to just not worry about it, some hand made some interesting things we treasure, and also we have a really nice lake float and a giant Jenga set. I'm all for relieving people of their decision fatigue!
Re wedding registries: My now-spouse and I didn't have one back in the day (1982), but I think it's okay to have a registry for modest things, so you don't get three hand mixers. Then when you invariably also get checks, then spend them on the costly thing you want. If you have relatives so close that you know they want to buy you a specific lavish present, you can fell comfortable telling them.
Originally the registries existed because it was traditional for brides to assemble large sets of china and silver in particular patterns they've chosen; I think I've seen my mother (married 1954) noting that one person bought a spoon and someone else two plates.
I would LIKE three hand mixers.
Also in the past couples had not been living together or even on their own before marriage so they needed lots of household stuff. I’d been on my own for 10 years when I got married but my aunt sent me a towel set which was actually useful.
When we got married in 1967, I had a wedding registry. As you say, it specified our china and silver patterns. As it happened, the china pattern (Lenox's Golden Dawn) was new and hard to find (at least in my husband's small town), and I'd been collecting my silver (Wallace Rose Point) from the age of 7 and already had pretty much everything, but I got enough extra silver pieces to trade them in for more china and ended up with 11 place settings of china (used once a year) and more than 12 (18 teaspoons) of silver, including cocktail forks, iced teaspoons, and many serving pieces (used several times a year). I also got two hand mixers and gave one away at the next wedding we were invited to--only to have the one I kept break almost immediately. Similarly, gave away one silver candle snuffer and had the other one break. Some of the stuff I got was pretty horrible and after living in Mother's attic for several years was taken to the charity thrift shop where she worked.
And, you're never REQUIRED to gift/donate.
For what it's worth, I appreciate the election day support group and may show up here for it.
But mostly what I'll be doing to relieve the stress for the next 3 weeks (yes, let's be honest, this won't be over on Nov 5) is devoting some hours reach day to VOTE CURING.
As we all know, state legislatures and party operatives are working hard to disenfranchise legal voters. They've cancelled millions of voters' registrations, and now that voting has begun, they are working overtime to challenge and reject actual ballots, mostly on technicalities.
Vote curing is the simple act of contacting people to let them know that their vote isn't being counted, and providing instructions to them on how to "cure" the ballot so that it counts.
This week I've been contacting early mail-in voters in Pennsylvania and Georgia.
If anybody is interested in joining the effort, here's one good organization doing it in several states: https://events.democrats.org/event/684133/
Thank you so much for your efforts and for the link.
Thanks! I just signed up
Yay!
I'm surprised to see so many folks express anything other than appreciation for bridal registries.
I used to treat wedding gifts as a special assignment: to find something appropriate price-wise but unique and timeless -- a gift that would certainly last forever and remain a meaningful reminder of our friendship.
Then I got married.
When we'd get something off the registry, we'd think "Thank God. We needed this! And we can write an honest thank you note!"
And we got a lot of "unique" and "meaningful" gifts. They've all been stored up in the attic for 35 years. Every one of them.
When we'd get an ugly crystal keepsake or a piece of art or "collectable" or some handmade serving piece that didn't match our taste, we'd think "Ugh. Here's another thing we hate that we'll have to store somewhere and pull out only when that person visits."
PS we DO remember the gifts we got that were from the registry. They can be memorable too, and we appreciate you.
My daughter went to her first friend's wedding on Saturday. I trained her not to overthink the gift -- just to go to the registry.
The important thing is to put cheap but useful stuff on there as well as big things. It also avoids the problem of getting multiples of some things, and lets gift buyers know optimal colors, sizes, etc. Things like a set of dishes can be purchased by the place setting; the registry lets people who want to do that coordinate. Trust me, a place setting or two of everyday dishes will get a lot more use/ appreciation, albeit as part of a set with other gifts, than a platter that’s only useful on rare occasions.
Looking back, considering how relatively few wedding guests we had (and only one shower), I'm amazed at the amount of loot we got, most of it useful--or at least stuff I thought at the time would be useful, being used to my mother's standard of entertaining. As it turns out, I have far from matched that. I also realize that my mother gave me a lot of it: our first everyday china (and possibly the second set as well--the one we're still using 49 years later), a set of Revere pots and pans (most still in use), and lots of kitchen gadgets. I proudly paid $40 at E. J. Korvette (from my tiny teacher's salary) for a set of stainless cutlery (eight place settings and eight extra teaspoons, plus sugar spoon and butter knife) that we're still using. It is very untraditional in design (doesn't try to look like sterling), and we have always loved it. I've never seen anything like it.
E.J. Korvette....that's a name I haven't read in a couple of decades. Our parents used to purchase much of the kids' clothing at Korvette's. The Korvette's near us had a great record department. where I used to spend hours browsing the vinyl. My first job was as a stockboy at Korvette during the holiday season. It instantiated my distaste for most things Christmas.
I remember that store, or at least its name, because of how confusing I found it as a child that there was apparently a car by the same name, and moreover that it seemed to be a sexy sportscar.
The off-putting factor is EXPENSIVE. No, I do not want to contribute to the down payment on your house or fund your honeymoon, no matter how "needed" either item is. And yet this is increasingly a thing. I have nothing against bridal registries in general.
Well said. Thank goodness all my generation and my children's have already married, so we don't get wedding invitations any more.
Don't you get baby shower invitations? I recently spent a bundle via two baby shower registries. There were items I purchased that I never heard of and am still unclear about their purpose.
A snotsucker? Presumably not, since the purpose there is clear, but they are my favorite baby registry item.
No, I guess I don't know anyone who's having babies. My children and their friends are too old (and out of town, anyway), and I don't have friends that age here. I agree, though, that the things that babies need nowadays are a far cry from what we had. The first time someone mentioned a "onesie," it took me quite some time to remember that we had called it a "romper." And I had to be careful in admiring my daughter's stroller to make it clear that I was being admiring rather than dismissive in comparing it to the umbrella stroller that sufficed for her and her brother (and didn't double as a car seat, carrier, etc.).
Ethically, I have feet in my certification, my firm and it’s ethics code, and the court along with knowledge of the penalties. And also client privilege though she wasn’t one. I would have advised her fully and not reported her right away. If in court subsequently or in responding to a question I couldn’t answer honestly without reporting her, I would have.
my kids had registries not because they wanted them but because all their friends asked where they were registered. It was a pain for them, actually
Our wedding announcement included the language, "Gifts are not expected." At the reception, one of my colleagues apologized to me for not bringing a gift. I told him, "Your appearance at our reception is your gift to me. For that I thank you."
I think the writer's brother (who was present when the law-breaking was announced) had an obligation to report the tax cheat. The writer, who was not present, had only hearsay to go by. Of course, I am not a lawyer, it's just how I would have proceeded. Brother--yes, report. Writer--no.
I wish I had thought about that when I got my Covid/Flu shot on Monday morning: I hurt like someone is beating me with a soggy throw pillow. I called in to work to take the day off which immediately had co-workers trickling out of the woodwork saying "Sorry to bother you today when you're sick, but I need....." Sorry, dudes and dudettes - when I said I was sick today, I really meant I was sick today. I slept for 12 hours and my terror dreams disturbed the poor cat sleeping on my lap.
I learned after my first round that I have to schedule a day off after a covid shot. Every time I get vaxxed, I'm down for the count the entire next day with chills and full-body pain. So I go for the covid/flu two-fer and just plan to spend 24 hours in bed with my cats.
I'm not usually this sensitive to vaccines. I choose to believe my body is just getting *really* prepared to fight off the real thing.
Following your logic (which seems logical), I should probably worry that I never have more than a little tenderness at the injection site. Admittedly, we didn't combine Covid and flu this time because Walgreen's FINALLY let us get RSV, so we got that with Covid--will get flu later this month.
This year's Covid booster is a real butt-kicker. But still not as bad as the second of the two Shingles innoculations.
The second Shingles vax laid me out for two days. Last year I got both the covid and flu shots the same day, and I was out for 24 hours. This year I've spaced them out, but still haven't gotten the covid one.
I had the Shingles shots so long ago that I don't remember any particular effect. I guess I've been blessed with vaccine resistance (if that's a good thing)--or a poor memory!
Same with me. My sister got her COVID and flu shot together a few weeks ago and was down for the count. I did the same, and . . . nothing.
Some recent research shows that more side effects from the COVID shots might be beneficial because they reflect greater production of virus-fighting antibodies after vaccination. The mRNA vaccines are the worst offenders, comparable in side-effects to the shingles vaccines. The experts don't yet know why, but are at work on the next generation of hopefully better tolerated nucleic acid vaccines.
This is why my lack of reaction worries me a little. But so far I am a COVID virgin. We've taken the tests a time or two (ahead of visits from relatives) but never had a positive one. I guess being antisocial can be beneficial.
Yes, being antisocial is the best vaccine there is.
My e-mail Inbox got a message from The Atlantic that touts and article titled, Trump: ‘I Need the Kind of Generals That Hitler Had’ I read it as "I Need the Kind of Genitals That Hitler Had."
The latest word is that Hitler had both an undescended testicle and a tiny penis. Since the wanna-be Führer has nothing if he doesn't have large cojones, we can only surmise (accepting your -- heh-heh -- unintentional misunderstanding) that "tiny" represents a step up from "toadstool."
But poor Goebbels had no …
I spent election night 2016 at the bedside of my husband in the ER with a-fib. I kept checking the vote tally but refused to look at it after we got home around midnight as I didn’t want more bad news keeping me awake. Now I have atrial flutter and don’t need another night like 2016!
I remember watching the 2016 results in bed late at night and actually getting heart palpitations when Trump was declared the winner. Oddly, I don't remember where/when/how I watched the 2020 vote count -- maybe I refused to watch and decided to get the good/bad news in the morning.
This time, I feel like I will again avoid the whole thing -- bad news this time will REALLY be bad news.
I am reliably informed by members of the family who still have first marriage friends that wedding registries now include "suggested" cash amounts and something called "wedding experiences." Honeymoon expenses come to mind, but only after the other more um...entertaining.."experiences" are mentally ticked off.
The story I've often heard about Arnold Palmer is that he once was a guest on the Tonight Show, and was asked by Johnny Carson if he had any pre-tournament rituals to bring good luck. Palmer was supposed to have said that his wife kissed his balls before a tournament, to which Johnny supposedly replied, "I'll bet that makes your putter stand up." Too bad it didn't really happen.
I heard “…putter flutter.”
Weekend before last, the whole family got our covid + flu shots. I also got a third shot for tetanus, since I was due. Everybody reacted differently, but mostly we were just groggy. My wife, who usually has a hard time with the covid shot, reported doing quite well. We went with the Novavax (non-mRNA) shot that time, as opposed to the mRNAs we’d always gotten before (on the premise that variety is good). I can only note the correlation between shot type and our reactions to it, I can’t claim any causation.
As I am a bankruptcy specialist of sorts, not paying payroll taxes is an arrestible offense. Someone even from the state DOJ can call and say, “I’m coming to arrest you,” and the process goes on. As such, State DOJ officials can be dressed for court and still have to travel to a site to arrest someone, and as such they are required to carry a weapon and obviously be trained on one. (Insight on Kamala). There are whistleblower rewards, 10% of a judgment and the like. I would have advised her to pay, perhaps kept mum. But I have ethical obligations to my certification and my firm, to not lie and to be professional, and to the court when I am participating, and I wouldn’t conceal for long the information.
RE employer not paying payroll taxes. They aren't just stealing from the government, and all of us, they are reducing the amout of social security their employees will get when they retire. I hope they get jail time and a huge fine.
My trick when substack doesn't recognize me as a subscriber and let me vote in a poll is to click on "the Gene Pool" logo or the little cartoon Gene at the top of page, which takes you to the main TGP page with all posts, and then click again on the latest post. I suspect this is because substack considers you logged in with one device at a time, and I regularly read using different computers and devices.
When I got married a couple years ago (to the egg guy above) we were told by several invited guests that we were making things unnecessarily hard for them by not having a registry, so we threw one together of just really random things. Some guests abided by our suggestion to just not worry about it, some hand made some interesting things we treasure, and also we have a really nice lake float and a giant Jenga set. I'm all for relieving people of their decision fatigue!
That photo of Trump.
Is he taking grooming advice from Boris Johnson?
Nah, as a longtime classics scholar he's going for the Medusa look.