Welcome to the Weekend Gene Pool, your source of mirth and my source of your stories. Win-win. Today’s subject matter is kids. The first story was sent in by a reader named April. It was about her daughter, who has repeatedly delivered moments of humiliation to her ma.
I did something similar to what Rachel did, but never got caught. I used to walk several blocks to grammar school (this was in the 1950s), and one day, when cutting through the parking lot of the Commerce Club (something like the Rotary Club I think, where bankers and such lunched), I came across the most beautiful car I had ever seen. It was a Cadillac, a light sky blue. Gorgeous! So I proceeded to show my admiration by scratching the word "PRETTY" onto the driver's side door, near the handle. (I guess that means I "keyed" it, but I didn't have a key, so I don't know what I used.)
I knew it was wrong, but somehow I thought it shouldn't be. I never told anyone (til now!) and I never got caught, thank God -- my parents would have killed me!
Did you ever watch Ellen Degeneres's segment on her now defunct show "Why I don't have kids"? Viewers send in clips of their kids basically destroying the house or possessions. It's charming.
The best hot dogs have a casing. As other discerning commenters have noted, this gives a satisfying snap when bitten into. And a tasty splash of juices across your chin. They need to be eaten with mustard.
Skinless hot dogs are akin to a pastrami sandwich on white bread with mayo.
This was me, a little bratty 6 year old from Brooklyn. My parents took us all to a diner for dinner around Christmas, and I was acting up. The waitress said "Little boy, if you don't calm down Santa won't bring you any presents."
To which I replied "Santa doesn't bring me any presents. We're Jewish!"
Fast forward to my own son at about 8. I took him to the supermarket also around Christmas, and there was Santa outside ringing bells for the Salvation Army (or what he thought was the "Salavation Army"). I asked him "Do you want to see Santa?"
And he said in his faux New York accent picked up from me "Dad. C'mon. We're Jewish."
Hmmm, skinless or not …. I only eat vegetarian hot dogs so I guess they’re skinless. However, if you take the words “eat” and “hot dog” figuratively instead of literally, you could be talking about sex practices and health practices. Most women and gay men would say “skinless” in the US, Israel, and Muslim countries. Elsewhere, maybe skin would be in the majority.
It appears Rachel and I have something in common. When I was in first grade, I used my scissors (apparently not the blunt kind now favored for children but some with actual points) to carve my seatmate's name in our shared desk. Again, I fooled no one.
That may have been the same day I used the same scissors to cut off my eyebrows. We were in the very back row, and I suppose I was bored (the whole point of first grade was to learn to read, which I had picked up the first week--having apparently already had a head start). Also, though my myopia wasn't discovered and treated till third grade, it's entirely possible I couldn't clearly see what was written on the board at the front of the classroom.
My house has neatness gradients. It's quite neat in living room, dining room - almost pristine unless grandkids around. Less neat in the family room. My study is a mess.
Forget hot dog intestine coverings or not. The real question is composition (veggie and poultry dogs don't count --- why bother). All beef, all pork or meat combo ? Or the "Joey Chestnut" special: what ever shows up in the bun in front of you --- so long as it's more than one? The other nagging question is why do ball park, gas station or convenience store hot dogs generally taste better ?
Many things done both outright with a kid's mentality and as a kid with a preternatural sense of what the adults would chalk up to my being a kid. The early stirrings of lifelong smartassery. My downfall was usually the assumption (just as usually wrong) that if I told a convoluted enough story, the adults would either forget what the misdeed was or be amused enough by my barefaced dissemblance to give me a pass.
I’ve always just clicked on the “Like” button, or such, and it takes me right to the actual post. I’m sorry I kept this to myself for 2 yrs, didn’t realize there was a problem!
I've noticed a recent uptick in some grousing (or is it carping or, neither fish nor fowl ?) about the judging in the Invitational. I have maintained right along the need for participation awards. With that in mind --- and in my never ending search for ways to move the Invitational that remaining two meters to the very tippy-top of the Mt. Olympus of word-play competitions --- I suggest the royal couple consider (ta-da !) the "Biggest Loser Award." Something along the lines of the Oscars "Lifetime Achievement Award" which bestows recognition on long-suffering creatives for mediocre performance over a long period of time. Seems to me chronic short listees without formal recognition would make excellent candidates.
I've been eating hot dogs all my life but truthfully, I do not know what this means. Though the thought of hot dogs with 'skin' leaves me a bit queasy.
I did something similar to what Rachel did, but never got caught. I used to walk several blocks to grammar school (this was in the 1950s), and one day, when cutting through the parking lot of the Commerce Club (something like the Rotary Club I think, where bankers and such lunched), I came across the most beautiful car I had ever seen. It was a Cadillac, a light sky blue. Gorgeous! So I proceeded to show my admiration by scratching the word "PRETTY" onto the driver's side door, near the handle. (I guess that means I "keyed" it, but I didn't have a key, so I don't know what I used.)
I knew it was wrong, but somehow I thought it shouldn't be. I never told anyone (til now!) and I never got caught, thank God -- my parents would have killed me!
Never heard of skinless hot dogs. What holds them together? Do they spread out as they cook?
Did you ever watch Ellen Degeneres's segment on her now defunct show "Why I don't have kids"? Viewers send in clips of their kids basically destroying the house or possessions. It's charming.
The best hot dogs have a casing. As other discerning commenters have noted, this gives a satisfying snap when bitten into. And a tasty splash of juices across your chin. They need to be eaten with mustard.
Skinless hot dogs are akin to a pastrami sandwich on white bread with mayo.
This was me, a little bratty 6 year old from Brooklyn. My parents took us all to a diner for dinner around Christmas, and I was acting up. The waitress said "Little boy, if you don't calm down Santa won't bring you any presents."
To which I replied "Santa doesn't bring me any presents. We're Jewish!"
Fast forward to my own son at about 8. I took him to the supermarket also around Christmas, and there was Santa outside ringing bells for the Salvation Army (or what he thought was the "Salavation Army"). I asked him "Do you want to see Santa?"
And he said in his faux New York accent picked up from me "Dad. C'mon. We're Jewish."
A hot dog with no skin has no snap.
A hot dog with no snap is not worth eating.
Hmmm, skinless or not …. I only eat vegetarian hot dogs so I guess they’re skinless. However, if you take the words “eat” and “hot dog” figuratively instead of literally, you could be talking about sex practices and health practices. Most women and gay men would say “skinless” in the US, Israel, and Muslim countries. Elsewhere, maybe skin would be in the majority.
It appears Rachel and I have something in common. When I was in first grade, I used my scissors (apparently not the blunt kind now favored for children but some with actual points) to carve my seatmate's name in our shared desk. Again, I fooled no one.
That may have been the same day I used the same scissors to cut off my eyebrows. We were in the very back row, and I suppose I was bored (the whole point of first grade was to learn to read, which I had picked up the first week--having apparently already had a head start). Also, though my myopia wasn't discovered and treated till third grade, it's entirely possible I couldn't clearly see what was written on the board at the front of the classroom.
My house has neatness gradients. It's quite neat in living room, dining room - almost pristine unless grandkids around. Less neat in the family room. My study is a mess.
Hot dogs must have snap. MUST. Skinless are an abomination.
Forget hot dog intestine coverings or not. The real question is composition (veggie and poultry dogs don't count --- why bother). All beef, all pork or meat combo ? Or the "Joey Chestnut" special: what ever shows up in the bun in front of you --- so long as it's more than one? The other nagging question is why do ball park, gas station or convenience store hot dogs generally taste better ?
Many things done both outright with a kid's mentality and as a kid with a preternatural sense of what the adults would chalk up to my being a kid. The early stirrings of lifelong smartassery. My downfall was usually the assumption (just as usually wrong) that if I told a convoluted enough story, the adults would either forget what the misdeed was or be amused enough by my barefaced dissemblance to give me a pass.
I’ve always just clicked on the “Like” button, or such, and it takes me right to the actual post. I’m sorry I kept this to myself for 2 yrs, didn’t realize there was a problem!
I've noticed a recent uptick in some grousing (or is it carping or, neither fish nor fowl ?) about the judging in the Invitational. I have maintained right along the need for participation awards. With that in mind --- and in my never ending search for ways to move the Invitational that remaining two meters to the very tippy-top of the Mt. Olympus of word-play competitions --- I suggest the royal couple consider (ta-da !) the "Biggest Loser Award." Something along the lines of the Oscars "Lifetime Achievement Award" which bestows recognition on long-suffering creatives for mediocre performance over a long period of time. Seems to me chronic short listees without formal recognition would make excellent candidates.
Re: The Hot Dog Poll
I've been eating hot dogs all my life but truthfully, I do not know what this means. Though the thought of hot dogs with 'skin' leaves me a bit queasy.