Another line attributed (probably more accurately) to Groucho: Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
One cartoon I remember pictured a monk-like figure meditating outside his cave. In the second panel he gets a lightbulb of an idea and moves about two feet to the side. In panel three a huge boulder comes crashing down the mountain and smashes into the spot where he was sitting. I liked that it was completely visual. This was from the 1960s. The New Yorker, I think.
Here’s one of mine when I worked for a federal agency where, unbeknownst to me, they were trying to get rid of most of the office in favor of a bunch of new hardasses from another agency in the department. I had a tough case where I had several possible ways to go. My boss suggested I call an experienced manager in another agency to get his advice. I did and realized that his advice was too hardassed. We owed the money, in my view, so why try to find excuses not to pay? I continued on the path I had planned. Sure enough, the experienced manager became my boss and went ballistic when he found out I hadn’t taken his advice; he treated it as ignoring my boss’s instructions. But he wasn’t my boss then! As I said, these folks were hardasses! I left as soon as I could.
I grew up in the DC area and in my early adulthood was a rabid Redskins fan. I eventually grew to detest Dan Snyder so much that I rooted for the team to get its collective butt kicked every game. In my old age I've moved on. I no longer care about American football.
Unlike you, Gene, I am happy to see that "No" is winning the first poll. Taking delight in the failure of others is not "tough love." Do you have no empathy for the players on historically bad teams, who have dedicated their lives to their sport? Do you think they want to be remembered for playing on the losingest team of all time?
I don't know any pro athletes, let alone any who played on all-time-losingest teams. If you don't either, then we're both just speculating. That said, I think you're thinking like a humor writer, not like a person who devoted years of effort to becoming a pro athlete. If I was in those shoes, I can't imagine that I would consider it a "badge of honor."
Pizza Hut sign: “Shoes and shirts required to eat here.” Would have added with a Sharpie: "Run out of pizza dough, have you ?" Or. "What if you want them to go ?" (No really --- too kind. A polite snicker would have been more than enough)
I don't actually dream. I have night terrors. If they were about sex, I would be traumatized when I woke up. Glad I don't have sex dreams/sex night terrors.
Another line attributed (probably more accurately) to Groucho: Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
The Rita Rudner line quoted above is great.
That woman is a comic genius. I am not even slightly exaggerating.
I remember her saying at a performance in Las Vegas that no matter where you live, Las Vegas is just the opposite.
One cartoon I remember pictured a monk-like figure meditating outside his cave. In the second panel he gets a lightbulb of an idea and moves about two feet to the side. In panel three a huge boulder comes crashing down the mountain and smashes into the spot where he was sitting. I liked that it was completely visual. This was from the 1960s. The New Yorker, I think.
Here’s one of mine when I worked for a federal agency where, unbeknownst to me, they were trying to get rid of most of the office in favor of a bunch of new hardasses from another agency in the department. I had a tough case where I had several possible ways to go. My boss suggested I call an experienced manager in another agency to get his advice. I did and realized that his advice was too hardassed. We owed the money, in my view, so why try to find excuses not to pay? I continued on the path I had planned. Sure enough, the experienced manager became my boss and went ballistic when he found out I hadn’t taken his advice; he treated it as ignoring my boss’s instructions. But he wasn’t my boss then! As I said, these folks were hardasses! I left as soon as I could.
I forgot to mention: This is from the hubris category but really, I was just screwed over.
One of my fraternity brothers was nicknamed Bananas. There was a graffito in the bathroom, “Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like Bananas.”
In the sex dream poll I said NO, but I rarely remember my dreams so I just don't know.
I grew up in the DC area and in my early adulthood was a rabid Redskins fan. I eventually grew to detest Dan Snyder so much that I rooted for the team to get its collective butt kicked every game. In my old age I've moved on. I no longer care about American football.
Unlike you, Gene, I am happy to see that "No" is winning the first poll. Taking delight in the failure of others is not "tough love." Do you have no empathy for the players on historically bad teams, who have dedicated their lives to their sport? Do you think they want to be remembered for playing on the losingest team of all time?
Yes, I do. It's a story to tell. It's a strange but real badge of honor.
I don't know any pro athletes, let alone any who played on all-time-losingest teams. If you don't either, then we're both just speculating. That said, I think you're thinking like a humor writer, not like a person who devoted years of effort to becoming a pro athlete. If I was in those shoes, I can't imagine that I would consider it a "badge of honor."
"Go fish!" The now favored Miami slogan. And pastime.
Pizza Hut sign: “Shoes and shirts required to eat here.” Would have added with a Sharpie: "Run out of pizza dough, have you ?" Or. "What if you want them to go ?" (No really --- too kind. A polite snicker would have been more than enough)
I don't actually dream. I have night terrors. If they were about sex, I would be traumatized when I woke up. Glad I don't have sex dreams/sex night terrors.