Is It Okay to Steal this Stuff?

Today will be a very short Gene Pool, beginning with a Gene Poll. Here it is:

Okay, now here is a related personal relationship-thing that I have been officially authorized to tell.

If Rachel and I are at a restaurant, and there is a bowl with those thimble-sized plastic thingies containing half-n-half, she will drink them all. Serially. In less than a minute. All of them. If there are 12, she will drink them all. It is the first thing she will do, even before looking at the menu. She considers this both a right and a privilege and — I need to say this, because it is personally annoying to me, an appropriately frugal Jewish-American — she always tips over-generously. She is not a cheap or acquisitive person.

Today, I asked her if she would do the same thing with non-dairy creamers and she indignantly said “NO!” So, there is apparently still honor among thieves.

—

So, Rachel and I were out last night, doing a location-scouting thing in DC for a play she is about to be in, and we passed a Politics and Prose outpost that was open. A great bookstore. And Rachel said, “We could stop in and see if they have any of your books, and you can sign them as a favor and put them back on the shelves!”

And I said, well, my most recent book was three years ago. So it would not be in the store.

So she said, perkily, “Well, maybe they’ll have some of Dave’s books.” She was referring to our friend, Dave Barry, who has written 3,560 books, all of which made more money than any of mine.

“. . . And we could go in and draw a picture of a penis in each one, and sign them “Dave Barry.”

Now, this seemed like a grand idea to me at the moment but we were late and never got around to it. However, then we got home, where I have many copies of Dave’s books, and I drew a signed penis in this one:

This is from Dave’s excellent novel 2023, “Swamp Story.” It sold 11 million more copies than my last book.

It’s available in bookstores worldwide. However, you can’t get the one with my added inscription.

Or you could bid on it!

—

Dave has a new book coming out in a couple of months. It is a memoir about being Dave Barry. It is called “Class Clown — The memoirs of a Professional Wiseass.” Here it comes. It will sell the Avogadro’s Number of books, which is 6.02214076 × 10^23.

—

We are going to do the famed real-time Questions and Observations of the Gene Pool on Thursday, with the Invitational, which will present some of the greatest entries ever. Seriously. You folks went brilliantly, viciously nuts on re-writing the Trump inaugural address using only words he used.

—

Also, you can send in more thoughts and observations here:

Or, if you are a beloved paid subscriber you can comment here, and not have to abide my editing:

See you Thursday.