In the mid sixties, my best friend and I were barely teenagers. Usually after a day of activities, we stopped by the corner gas station to buy sodas and use the bathroom. In those days, there were vending machines in the men’s bathroom that sold comdoms, aftershave, and novelties (usually sex related). One was for “instant pussy”. You can only imagine how as young adolescents, we were excited about that. Making sure no one else was in the bathroom, one day we purchased one and ran to my friend’s house to open it. Upon opening it, we discovered a capsule which looked similar to a common cold medication. The instructions were to place on a warm bowl of water and await the transformation. While waiting, we were trying to figure out what it could be and what we would do with it. You can imagine how mad we were when the capsule dissolved and a small cutout of a cat appeared in the bowl.
I responded “No, not really” to the poll because I had already determined the story was a complete fabrication as no one could have confused Busta Rhymes and Ghostface Killah.
If you are inclined to waste the pharmacy callers’ time, I’ve found they will promise you any medicine you ask for, provided it’s real. I think they quickly look it up online. For instance, acetaminophen. I’ve had that offered to me at the low, low price of $1 a pill. It’s also fun to ask them to describe, in detail, what exactly it is that Viagra does and how it would help me. (‘Okay, so what do I do with the erection?’). The one ‘medicine’ that they universally refuse to sell me and hang up in a huff over is ghutala, a Punjabi word for “scam”.
So, exactly how often does Rachel experience snoozus interruptus by (I'm going with the two-year-old option here) her mustachioed toddler? Since your brainstorms or existential questions appear to regularly arise in the wee, small hours of the morning (to quote Sinatra), I gather it happens to her just as regularly.
I fell for a really grim one. My daughter has some struggles and has been in trouble. I got a call from someone who said she was eligible for a specific program that would get her out of trouble, and I was so overwhelmed with relief that my brain clicked off for a good five minutes.
Even so, old habits die hard and while I'm talking to this guy, I'm taking notes. I was on the copy desks of daily newspapers for 20 years. I'm chill and skeptical by default.
I've asked him to spell his name and give me the full name of the agency he works for and their website. I find him on LinkedIn which confirms that he works there. The agency is real and the website is real.
But it was not him, which I figured out only a little belatedly. He asked me for the last four digits of my SSN. I named one of his purported colleagues and said that person should already have it from a previous call, and he didn't recognize the name. He put me on hold; I hung up. I locked my credit and added a fraud alert to my accounts just in case. But I still occasionally have this completely bonkers illogical feeling that I did the *wrong* thing and if I had just believed, my kid would be okay.
This is not Gene Pool week-specific, I am just commenting in the first installment I saw in order to send you a message unrelated to any specific Gene Pool. Did you see an article in the July 29, 2024, issue of People Magazine about kids in hot cars? Did they interview you? Did you know about it? It seems almost verbatim of your original articles. The story never seems to change--kid is under 3, new routine, kid is quiet, dad instead of mom maybe, not used to going to day care, day care calls to find out where kid is, dad freaks out and blames himself for killing kid, commits suicide. It's like straight out of the script. There are support organizations. Are you involved with them? I thought of you as soon as I read this. Would love to know your thoughts. Thanks for all you do to make your little corner of the world a better place and fighting the good fight on many fronts. https://people.com/dozens-of-kids-die-in-hot-cars-every-year-how-good-intentions-faulty-memory-can-create-disaster-8680537
Gene: I've asked Google this question every way I can think of, and got no helpful answer. Maybe you can help. Between the time you wrote your farewell from the Post (Sept. 2, 2021), and the demise of the Post Magazine (March 2022), you were supplanted (not replaced) by another writer in the back of the magazine, a Black man who is funny and a great writer. He went on to other things after the Magazine died, maybe Substack or similar. I enjoyed his work, but can't recall his name and I want to find him!!
I offered this to you directly: I contend that the ChiSox are not “obviously” tanking (your words) just because they have an awful win-loss record. Their revenues and payroll are somewhere in the middle of baseball’s 30+ teams. There would need to be more analysis to contend that they were tanking for a draft pick. They are not “lovable losers,” mnimizing expenses to maximize the bottom line.
Sadly, a lot of fans these days seem to think that their team is "tanking" just because they finish in last place.
This is because every team has a weakness, and every fan base send to think those weaknesses could have been avoided if not for the owners' failure to sign some big free agent.
The one exception might be the LA Dodgers, who are in a unique financial position vs every other organization, but if they were to fall on bag luck and finish in last place (something they haven't done in a very, very long time), no doubt many fans would conclude they are tanking.
Right. And spending isn’t a guaranteed solution or even in high correlation. Witness the highest spenders of ‘23: SD and NYM were busts and broke themselves up. LAD and NYY didn’t win it, TEX did, (while being the 3rd biggest spender) by getting a few pieces when the team was otherwise on the rise with lower-priced, rising talent. The Cubs, Cleveland, Red Sox, Arizona, have had related GMs and management philosophy, and relatively good success in this millenium. It’s hard to do, sure, against 30+ other teams.
Not sea monkeys, and I don't think it came from a comic book but rather probably from a cereal box. I was at most 10 (because my memories of the event are from a house we moved away from when I was that age) when I succumbed to an offer for a miniature circus with a performing chameleon. I assume I sent in box tops to get it, so perhaps I was not out too much money. What arrived was a bunch of cardboard cutouts (for me to cut out) and a box containing one tiny, very desiccated (and of course dead) lizard. I mourned that lizard till I was in college and bought a live one. It wasn't very entertaining, either, and I had to continually supply it with live mealworms. It had a habit of disappearing (usually in the draperies, probably trying to find a passage to the out-of-doors), and by the time it finally disappeared permanently, I was not very regretful.
More on this. I remembered that I had written about this before, as follows:
“I was nine or ten, arguably old enough to have known better, but my parents wisely chose to let me learn from the experience. A comic book ad promised a miniature circus complete with circus animals, ringmaster, clowns, and other performers, a tightrope and trapeze, and ‘3 cages on wheels.’ The pièce de résistance, however, was a ‘performing chameleon.’
“‘Chameleons are real fun,’ the ad informed me. ‘They love to perform. You’ll laugh with delight as they run with delicate balance along the tight rope or swing on the trapeze.’ It assured parents that ‘They are harmless, clean and no trouble at all to keep as pets.’
“I cut out and filled in the form and mailed it with the dollar (nine dollars in today’s money) saved from my 25-cent weekly allowance, then checked the mail every day. Finally the long-awaited package arrived. The ‘Live Toy Circus’ consisted of a few crude plastic figures and sheets of printed cardboard: I hadn’t noted that the promised ‘15 circus animals’ included only ten ‘made of bright, colorful break-resistant plastic’; the rest, along with the animal cages and other accessories, were cardboard cutouts. Together with them was a small box, perhaps perforated with hopeful air holes, containing one very small and very dead lizard. Since the ‘chameleon’ was the headliner of this show, without it the rest was easily seen for the worthless junk it was.
“I won’t say I became a cynic at that moment, but I certainly gained a healthy sense of skepticism about mail order offers.”
MAGA'ots would not care one bit if he said we would nuke Mexico, make people worship him, or if he robbed a store naked. I think the only thing he could do at this point to upset them is cancel some student loan debt.
The last poster is correct re: T-rump and military service, he cannot comprehend it. He told John Kelly "I don't get it. What was in it for them?"
I suggest there's often a difference between what's "true" and the "truth" in purported non-fiction. There is almost always manipulation involved, whether emphasis, wording, sequencing or how questions are framed (and thus the answers they elicit) --- as benign as it may be --- to reach an often predetermined or preferred conclusion.
Is the baseball related pun about Charlie Morton the "Uncle Charlie" or "Ground Chuck"? If not, I could use some help. I've read the whole thing twice.
"Charlie Morton ought to launch a line of greeting cards to apologize to all the opponents he’s drilled over the years. He could call them Ballmark Cards..."
That's not the line I took away from it! This was the line of excellent writing: Morton, 40, ranks ninth on the all-time HBP chart and he’s rising faster than a welt.
Actually, I much prefer the quote: "But it was more interesting to hear him share the inside story of pitching inside. After all, it’s how Morton is leaving his mark." (Bădda-bing)
The piece may be excellent writing, but author didn't tell us what team Morton plays for until the 18th graf. OK, I could have clicked on the link in the first paragraph, but I shouldn't have to.
I am the OP—sent it after reading “ballmark card” then went back and read the rest and the puns kept getting better. I enjoyed the whole thing, didn’t expect to want to read all of it, but I did.
Alright, I now see your point after your reply to the fiction writer. Amusing made-up stories are fine as long as everyone knows they are made up. But what about embellishing? That’s another fine line.
Hey now, I protest. The body-swapping question was my one real contribution to the chat in its long history. No fair recycling it. :P (I did it with reference to Dick Cheney, but unfortunately phrased it in such a way that Gene had to lead his response with a disclaimer about not actually recommending real bodily harm to the bastid.)
In the mid sixties, my best friend and I were barely teenagers. Usually after a day of activities, we stopped by the corner gas station to buy sodas and use the bathroom. In those days, there were vending machines in the men’s bathroom that sold comdoms, aftershave, and novelties (usually sex related). One was for “instant pussy”. You can only imagine how as young adolescents, we were excited about that. Making sure no one else was in the bathroom, one day we purchased one and ran to my friend’s house to open it. Upon opening it, we discovered a capsule which looked similar to a common cold medication. The instructions were to place on a warm bowl of water and await the transformation. While waiting, we were trying to figure out what it could be and what we would do with it. You can imagine how mad we were when the capsule dissolved and a small cutout of a cat appeared in the bowl.
This is too funny. Wonder how many of these wonders wee sold...
Can’t imagine they had much repeat business
I responded “No, not really” to the poll because I had already determined the story was a complete fabrication as no one could have confused Busta Rhymes and Ghostface Killah.
I could completely see Gene making that mistake.
"Your job is to eat it like a ham-and-cheese quiche"
That could have been written by Ogden Knish.
Rachel. 4 am. A cartoon. Either she is saint-like and has the patience of a mother with a two-year-old or, you are blackmailing her.
If you are inclined to waste the pharmacy callers’ time, I’ve found they will promise you any medicine you ask for, provided it’s real. I think they quickly look it up online. For instance, acetaminophen. I’ve had that offered to me at the low, low price of $1 a pill. It’s also fun to ask them to describe, in detail, what exactly it is that Viagra does and how it would help me. (‘Okay, so what do I do with the erection?’). The one ‘medicine’ that they universally refuse to sell me and hang up in a huff over is ghutala, a Punjabi word for “scam”.
So, exactly how often does Rachel experience snoozus interruptus by (I'm going with the two-year-old option here) her mustachioed toddler? Since your brainstorms or existential questions appear to regularly arise in the wee, small hours of the morning (to quote Sinatra), I gather it happens to her just as regularly.
I fell for a really grim one. My daughter has some struggles and has been in trouble. I got a call from someone who said she was eligible for a specific program that would get her out of trouble, and I was so overwhelmed with relief that my brain clicked off for a good five minutes.
Even so, old habits die hard and while I'm talking to this guy, I'm taking notes. I was on the copy desks of daily newspapers for 20 years. I'm chill and skeptical by default.
I've asked him to spell his name and give me the full name of the agency he works for and their website. I find him on LinkedIn which confirms that he works there. The agency is real and the website is real.
But it was not him, which I figured out only a little belatedly. He asked me for the last four digits of my SSN. I named one of his purported colleagues and said that person should already have it from a previous call, and he didn't recognize the name. He put me on hold; I hung up. I locked my credit and added a fraud alert to my accounts just in case. But I still occasionally have this completely bonkers illogical feeling that I did the *wrong* thing and if I had just believed, my kid would be okay.
This is not Gene Pool week-specific, I am just commenting in the first installment I saw in order to send you a message unrelated to any specific Gene Pool. Did you see an article in the July 29, 2024, issue of People Magazine about kids in hot cars? Did they interview you? Did you know about it? It seems almost verbatim of your original articles. The story never seems to change--kid is under 3, new routine, kid is quiet, dad instead of mom maybe, not used to going to day care, day care calls to find out where kid is, dad freaks out and blames himself for killing kid, commits suicide. It's like straight out of the script. There are support organizations. Are you involved with them? I thought of you as soon as I read this. Would love to know your thoughts. Thanks for all you do to make your little corner of the world a better place and fighting the good fight on many fronts. https://people.com/dozens-of-kids-die-in-hot-cars-every-year-how-good-intentions-faulty-memory-can-create-disaster-8680537
Gene: I've asked Google this question every way I can think of, and got no helpful answer. Maybe you can help. Between the time you wrote your farewell from the Post (Sept. 2, 2021), and the demise of the Post Magazine (March 2022), you were supplanted (not replaced) by another writer in the back of the magazine, a Black man who is funny and a great writer. He went on to other things after the Magazine died, maybe Substack or similar. I enjoyed his work, but can't recall his name and I want to find him!!
Damon Young
That's it! Thanks. Do you know where he writes now?
I offered this to you directly: I contend that the ChiSox are not “obviously” tanking (your words) just because they have an awful win-loss record. Their revenues and payroll are somewhere in the middle of baseball’s 30+ teams. There would need to be more analysis to contend that they were tanking for a draft pick. They are not “lovable losers,” mnimizing expenses to maximize the bottom line.
Sadly, a lot of fans these days seem to think that their team is "tanking" just because they finish in last place.
This is because every team has a weakness, and every fan base send to think those weaknesses could have been avoided if not for the owners' failure to sign some big free agent.
The one exception might be the LA Dodgers, who are in a unique financial position vs every other organization, but if they were to fall on bag luck and finish in last place (something they haven't done in a very, very long time), no doubt many fans would conclude they are tanking.
Right. And spending isn’t a guaranteed solution or even in high correlation. Witness the highest spenders of ‘23: SD and NYM were busts and broke themselves up. LAD and NYY didn’t win it, TEX did, (while being the 3rd biggest spender) by getting a few pieces when the team was otherwise on the rise with lower-priced, rising talent. The Cubs, Cleveland, Red Sox, Arizona, have had related GMs and management philosophy, and relatively good success in this millenium. It’s hard to do, sure, against 30+ other teams.
Not sea monkeys, and I don't think it came from a comic book but rather probably from a cereal box. I was at most 10 (because my memories of the event are from a house we moved away from when I was that age) when I succumbed to an offer for a miniature circus with a performing chameleon. I assume I sent in box tops to get it, so perhaps I was not out too much money. What arrived was a bunch of cardboard cutouts (for me to cut out) and a box containing one tiny, very desiccated (and of course dead) lizard. I mourned that lizard till I was in college and bought a live one. It wasn't very entertaining, either, and I had to continually supply it with live mealworms. It had a habit of disappearing (usually in the draperies, probably trying to find a passage to the out-of-doors), and by the time it finally disappeared permanently, I was not very regretful.
More on this. I remembered that I had written about this before, as follows:
“I was nine or ten, arguably old enough to have known better, but my parents wisely chose to let me learn from the experience. A comic book ad promised a miniature circus complete with circus animals, ringmaster, clowns, and other performers, a tightrope and trapeze, and ‘3 cages on wheels.’ The pièce de résistance, however, was a ‘performing chameleon.’
“‘Chameleons are real fun,’ the ad informed me. ‘They love to perform. You’ll laugh with delight as they run with delicate balance along the tight rope or swing on the trapeze.’ It assured parents that ‘They are harmless, clean and no trouble at all to keep as pets.’
“I cut out and filled in the form and mailed it with the dollar (nine dollars in today’s money) saved from my 25-cent weekly allowance, then checked the mail every day. Finally the long-awaited package arrived. The ‘Live Toy Circus’ consisted of a few crude plastic figures and sheets of printed cardboard: I hadn’t noted that the promised ‘15 circus animals’ included only ten ‘made of bright, colorful break-resistant plastic’; the rest, along with the animal cages and other accessories, were cardboard cutouts. Together with them was a small box, perhaps perforated with hopeful air holes, containing one very small and very dead lizard. Since the ‘chameleon’ was the headliner of this show, without it the rest was easily seen for the worthless junk it was.
“I won’t say I became a cynic at that moment, but I certainly gained a healthy sense of skepticism about mail order offers.”
My ability to quote these details was thanks to having found this exact ad through a Google Images search. There are several instances, but here's one of the better ones: https://www.reddit.com/r/vintageads/comments/102fwe4/live_toy_circus_with_performing_chameleon_1954/. I see there was a money-back offer; too bad I didn't take advantage of it!
MAGA'ots would not care one bit if he said we would nuke Mexico, make people worship him, or if he robbed a store naked. I think the only thing he could do at this point to upset them is cancel some student loan debt.
The last poster is correct re: T-rump and military service, he cannot comprehend it. He told John Kelly "I don't get it. What was in it for them?"
I suggest there's often a difference between what's "true" and the "truth" in purported non-fiction. There is almost always manipulation involved, whether emphasis, wording, sequencing or how questions are framed (and thus the answers they elicit) --- as benign as it may be --- to reach an often predetermined or preferred conclusion.
Is the baseball related pun about Charlie Morton the "Uncle Charlie" or "Ground Chuck"? If not, I could use some help. I've read the whole thing twice.
"Charlie Morton ought to launch a line of greeting cards to apologize to all the opponents he’s drilled over the years. He could call them Ballmark Cards..."
OK. I thought it was mildly clever, but not quite what I thought the OP was referring to.
That's not the line I took away from it! This was the line of excellent writing: Morton, 40, ranks ninth on the all-time HBP chart and he’s rising faster than a welt.
Actually, I much prefer the quote: "But it was more interesting to hear him share the inside story of pitching inside. After all, it’s how Morton is leaving his mark." (Bădda-bing)
The piece may be excellent writing, but author didn't tell us what team Morton plays for until the 18th graf. OK, I could have clicked on the link in the first paragraph, but I shouldn't have to.
I am the OP—sent it after reading “ballmark card” then went back and read the rest and the puns kept getting better. I enjoyed the whole thing, didn’t expect to want to read all of it, but I did.
Alright, I now see your point after your reply to the fiction writer. Amusing made-up stories are fine as long as everyone knows they are made up. But what about embellishing? That’s another fine line.
Hey now, I protest. The body-swapping question was my one real contribution to the chat in its long history. No fair recycling it. :P (I did it with reference to Dick Cheney, but unfortunately phrased it in such a way that Gene had to lead his response with a disclaimer about not actually recommending real bodily harm to the bastid.)
Didn't recycle it. Someone else apparently did. It came in a few hours ago.
That's what I meant, somebody else did. I mean, it's been 20 years, the statute of limitations ran out a while back.
You may have to just keep muttering “great artists steal” under your breath until it becomes tolerable. (And no, ‘twas not me.)