110 Comments
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SnarfyNewcomerOpinesBasically's avatar

so when did the car get cleaned? and how? major missing plot point here. and other column is behind wp paywall.

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Jack Griffith's avatar

I'm thinking they set it on fire under some nearby highway overpass in the style of the ruthless killers they are and then, on her walk looking for the pool, Rachel hotwired an unassuming Subaru for their getaway. And wearing the cute new red bathing suit as she peeled out of the Comfort Inn, it was a perfect ending to episode 1.

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Tess Darrow's avatar

The two points that left me feeling anxious.

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Deana's avatar

right?! Like an unresolved phrase of music!

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Jill Nolan's avatar

Yes, I was also wondering this!

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Jane Kidwell's avatar

That was my question! Maybe they had one of those canvas thingies you put on the seat to keep it clean. Seems like a smart thing at this point.

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heydave56's avatar

Damn, that must have included about 3 pounds of... never mind.

But yes, THE DAMN CAR! How was that resolved???

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

See above.

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Jane Kidwell's avatar

‘As best we could’ does not seem sufficient. I would have had to have a new seat installed

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Alyson Ward's avatar

Sorry but I think it’s bad form to mix pee, pool, and poll in one article.

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Jim Gifford's avatar

Your comment casts a pall over the column. Gene may have to pull it.

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Alyson Ward's avatar

Please, don’t be a pill.

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Jonathan Jensen's avatar

I demand the immediate, unredacted release of the Dog Diarrhea files. Something doesn’t smell right.

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COL Mustard's avatar

All right, Epstein. The rest of us see what you did there.

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Sasquatch's avatar

As long as we don't have to smell what he did there.

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Lynn Brezina's avatar

Back in 1924, when my grandmother was pregnant with my mother, the doctor told her to bring her urine to her next appointment. She collected it all, for whatever period of time that was, in glass milk jars. At that next appointment, much to her embarrassment, the doctor informed her that he only needed a little pee.

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Jill Nolan's avatar

OK, that's really funny!

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Iowa David's avatar

Hey we could have told you that you weren't remarkable for free and saved you the lab fee.

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Bonnie Pace's avatar

Once as a teenager the whole family was going on a beach trip which included our dog. I'm the oldest of four, and we were riding in my grandfathers conversion van, adults in the front and the kids and dog in the back. The dog all of the sudden starting pacing back and forth, which was unusual. We knew something was wrong, and all of the sudden the diarrhea poured out. At the time we were ON THE BAY BRIDGE in traffic! There was no stopping, no pulling over, just four kids screaming and running around (it was a different time... seat belts weren't mandatory yet) trying to avoid the poop spray. We still talk about the time Mikey let us have it on the Bay Bridge.

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

The worst place, unless you were in the Chesapeake tunnel.

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Leslie G's avatar

I donated a kidney in 2016, so I've had to do the 24-hr urine collection a few times, pre- and post-donation. Once I even had to use a clean jar to continue the collection because I peed more than the container could hold (I drink a lot of water!). I voted for your heaviest option solely because I remember how heavy the full container was, although in hindsight I realized that although you said "full jug," it might not have been completely full.

Most importantly, though, did you have Lexi checked out by a vet? Explosive diarrhea isn't normal!

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Cash Devilry's avatar

My partner (male name redacted) had ACL surgery about 8 years ago and getting up/walking around was a challenge. His pee solution was to take a plastic gallon jug in which he usually made iced tea to avoid having to get up and go to the actual bathroom. Yes, I found it rather gross as I, being magnanimous, would "dump" out the liquid into the toilet so he didn't have to get up from the couch. After recovery, he sent the jug thru the dishwasher a number of times and returned it to the iced tea function. Almost a decade later, and numerous trips thru the dishwasher, I still refuse to partake in any beverage that comes out of that thing.

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Mar's avatar
6dEdited

Gene, This might out do your dog diarrhea in the car story and perhaps on the brain fart, too, though it won’t be as well written. Late one night, many years ago a skunk sprayed my dog in the back yard. Being young and naïve, I stupidly let the poor dog in the house because I was afraid she was seriously hurt since blood was coming out of her mouth. Once inside, she flung her head back and forth trying to rid herself of the foul odor thereby spreading microscopic droplets of skunk odor throughout the house. Even more terrified by her shaking her head so violently, I put her in my VW rabbit convertible to take her to the emergency vet. The vet said she was fine, they were out of anything to remove skunk odor but maybe I should get some tomato juice on my way home. As anyone familiar with the long-lasting effects of skunk oils can imagine, I'm not sure I ever completely ridded the convertible of either the smell of skunk oil or tomato juice.

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

Thanks. Please send this to the Fart Button.

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Leslie G's avatar

But what was the blood coming from her mouth?

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Mar's avatar

she had bitten her tongue, she was sprayed straight on her face

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Leslie G's avatar

Poor girl!

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Hvvfagn's avatar

Reminds me of the (aborted) Monty Python life insurance sketch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Nmxasse6qw

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

Excellent. I have not seen this before.

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Violet Hunter's avatar

Sorry about the dog poo and the human pee 🤢💩💛

What’s the latest update on cranky ol’ Grandpa?🤗🐈‍⬛

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

Still in the basement, grumpy. Very very very slowly mellowing.

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Sasquatch's avatar

I hope that she continues to mellow.

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Violet Hunter's avatar

Rachel, Lexi, and you are angels for giving Grandpa the space and time to mellow😌

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Suzy Graff's avatar

Did you use a power washer inside the car or just get another car? Take your lovely wife to a fancy hotel with a spa and a pool!

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Michael Nash's avatar

Is Lexi OK?

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Pecos Slim's avatar

Re: cat in the basement

Futurama has a couple of horse racing scenes. In one, the lead horse is named "daddy's little grandpa."

"And down the stretch, it's daddy's little grandpa, followed by perennial loser, and bringing up the rear, it's lasty."

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Sometimes the thought of a Bojangles chicken patty will do that to you.

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