Finally, Some Goo News!
... Suddenly, it's all about Precious Bodily Fluids and Purity of Essence
Behold these breaking medical stories, and my conclusions thereupon.
There might be gold in them thar veins: Blood drawn from pediatricians has been found to contain super-strong antibodies for RSV, a common respiratory virus that can be life-threatening to the very young and very old. The docs pick the bugs up from all the rugrats and snot-gobblers they treat, and the strength of the antibodies seem to potentiate in their bodies. Medical scientists speculate this could even lead to a cure for the common cold.
Conclusion: Kiss a pediatrician. (On the mouth. You never know how this miracle goo is spread.)
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In the United States over the last year, measles has been spreading real easy, like whipped butter, largely due to vaccine hesitancy. The outbreaks are threatening the country’s international designation as a measles-free country. Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. vigorously denies that this development and other similar medical threats are the fault of his aggressive anti-vaccination stance.
Conclusion: This development and other similar medical threats are the fault of his aggressive anti-vaccination stance.
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Meanwhile, in sexual goo news, check out this headline from yesterday:
Neanderthal males and human females had babies together, ancient DNA reveals
Conclusion: This is not news. It’s still going on.
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Finally, poop transplants might provide a cure-all for some serious diseases. This is true. A type of treatment for inflammatory bowel disease, which I first disclosed to the world 22 years ago via this seminal interview with famed poop expert and spectacularly aptonymic Dr. Jonannes Aas, is suddenly being hailed as a potential cure or for cancer, obesity and dementia. And it’s easy. You just have to swallow a few shit pills.
Conclusion: If you want to live a longer and happier life, subscribe to the Gene Pool, which for a quarter of a century has been on the cutting edge of medical journalism.
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Today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll:
Okay, we’re done here.
The idea of poop transplants is definitely funny.
Disgusting, but definitely funny.
No longer will we be able to tell someone, "Eat shit and die."
Now it's "Eat shit and live!"
And it gets stated as a blessing.
So I guess if you really want to wish ill on someone, you would need to say, "Don't eat shit and die."
Gene, I’m calling you out as a sapienisist!! You imply that Neanderthal breeding with sapiens is a bad thing. The Neanderthals had a sophisticated culture for their time and yet were overwhelmed by the aggressive and more numerous sapiens. Given human history for the last few thousand years, it is possible that the more violent, less empathetic species survived!!