Fat Guy Drinking Beer

Hello! Donald Trump keeps pooping out the names of his new cabinet appointees, and the media doesn’t quite know what to make of them. The storyline seems to be that they might be perversely and diabolically conceived and executed by a master manipulator sending signals most of us are too dumb and naive to understand. Robert Reich, the smart lefty economist, thinks he might be testing the limits of Republican character, establishing whether they might be willing to roll over for anything he wants to do, however insane.

I agree with this theory. I think Trump is like my dog, Lexi, who is ostensibly a terrible communicator, but actually there is a method to her idiocy. When Lexi is hungry, she will communicate this by eating the couch. If she is out of water, she will inform us of this by going to the kitchen garbage pail, rummaging around, and emerging with a chicken carcass that she will elaborately parade around the house. If she wants some neck scritches, she will gnaw a book. It does get our attention, and we bend over backwards to try to decipher her semaphores because the alternative is to have the house destroyed.

The point is, I think Trump is simply trying to get our attention. And he is succeeding. As a nationally respected journalist, I have exclusively learned what his next moves are. The guy pictured at the top of this column will be his new nominee for surgeon general of the United States.

That’s not all. We hear that in case his nominee for Defense Secretary is not confirmed on account of being a complete blithering incompetent and sexual abuser, the replacement defense secretary will be this guy:

Next, the Secretary of Agriculture will be this guy from Shropshire, England, simply because his name appears to be David Agriculture.

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The U.S. Trade Representative will be the great-great grandson of Harry Herbert Frazee, the owner of the Boston Red Sox who traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees in 1920 for, like, a few hundred bucks and a sandwich.

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The president’s cabinet will be officially designated as this one.

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And so forth.

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Today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll has two questions .

The first:

And the second Gene Pool Gene Poll:

We now enter the Real-Time segment of The Gene Pool, when I answer your Questions and Observations in real time. It’s going to be short today, because I’m traveling. Many of the questions relate to my request, on the weekend, for really shitty job appointments you have noticed, excluding Trump’s shitty job appointments.

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Q: I had just started working as a reporter for a small DC-area daily newspaper.  It had been between me an another individual who I was told when offered the job did not have the qualifications to be a reporter. A month later he was hired on as managing editor. Because that made sense?

Anyway he "managed" to piss off the largely female staff, consistently referring to the advertising manager as "honey" or "babe" until she finally suggested he stop or she would sue him for being a complete asshole. His desk was next to mine, and one day Penthouse magazine showed up in his mail pile, ostensibly because of an interview the magazine featured (which is more or less like saying you go to Hooters for the chicken wings). He took the magazine out of its envelope and held it up so he could easily see the centerfold or basically any other page in the magazine. I was interviewing someone on the phone at the time, excused myself for a moment and told this guy that if he opened up the magazine in my presence, I was going to beat him to death with it. He put it in his desk instead. He was a treasure..

A: Men and porn is a whole, deep, sad subject. There was a Wapo editor - very talented, very personable — who lost his job many years ago because he kept watching porn in his office, an office in the middle of the newsroom that was enclosed entirely in glass.

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Q: Regarding your poll about fish: A few days ago I was discussing eating fish with some coworkers who all enjoy trout fishing and eating the catch and I said I don't like trout, but I like salmon, and they said "But salmon is more fishy smelling." and I "Well, maybe I like fishy smelling!" and things suddenly got quiet and felt awkward.

A: Hm. I don’t think fresh salmon smells fishy at all. And trout, of course, is mild and beautiful.

But… “Fishy” doesn’t throw me. I love fresh fish of all types. When I am at a sushi restaurant, if they have raw mackerel, I will order it. You have to steel yourself for the taste so it doesn’t assault you, but it can be exquisite. Same for bluefish.

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Q: Worst appointment ever - Clarence Thomas.  He’s proven that he’s a corrupt and inept justice with no respect for the Constitution  – Mary Anne

A: Agreed.

Q: First of all. I was a gigantic fan of Tropic magazine when you were there. I literally saved every issue for many years. I don’t remember if you wrote it. But the article "Inside Paul Mcartney's brain" has been stuck in my brain for as long as I can remember. It was truly a golden era. And pound for pound the best Sunday magazine in the country.

Ok, now that I sound like a trump worshipper, here is my answer to your actual request:

I worked for many years at a casino that shall remain nameless. The president of the company promoted his secretary to be general manager of the casino just a short time after she "secretly" gave birth to his son. Neither of them knew a thing about the casino business. Not even as a customer. Hilarity ensued.

— David Litvin

A: Hey, David. The Tropic story was by Joel Achenbach. He was something like 19 years old when he wrote it, and not shaving yet. Possibly still a virgin, though I have not checked with him. Story was pure genius. He concluded that any debate over which Beatle was greater — Lennon or McCartney — was settled forever on December 8, 1980.

Okay, this is Gene: Leaving now, traveling soon. Probably will file again tomorrow

Please send in more questions and observations:

Also,