I'm reminded of the "folk" song, the Song of the Temperance Union, by the Chad Mitchell trio. One verse went, "We never eat fruitcake because it has rum, and one little bite turns a man to a bum. Can you imagine a sorrier sight than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight". There's more, but .... I'll stop now.
“We never eat cookies, because they have yeast. One little bite turns a man to a beast. Can you imagine such a disgrace as a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?”
Not that it's my place to edit your poetry. But what really stopped me is that I don't know of any yeast-rising cookies though there may be some. So I was looking for a two-syllable bread (challah?) and finally decided that one syllable actually worked there too. It's a good verse.
I ate some cookies containing yeast just this morning. You can Google for recipes. As for the rhyme, The Chad Mitchell Trio won't be changing it anytime soon. Re: Fruitcake: I've had terrible fruitcake and edible fruitcake. The later is great if you want a little something sweet but won't be tempted to go back for seconds.
Last night I served a Dundee cake (technically a fruitcake since it's full of raisins, orange zest, and orange marmalade), and everyone at the table complimented it, even my husband, who doesn't like fruitcake, and two granddaughters who were skeptical (one I think doesn't even like raisins). So, small victory for "fruitcake."
Hmm. Although not required (but traditional), as I'm informed, wonder if the compliments (and second slices, no doubt) had to do with the addition of an extra dram or two of Scotland's finest to the batter ?
Alas, Kaspersky will not let me access that paper, even if I "pause protection." <sigh> I've gotten a bit tired of Kaspersky's overprotectiveness. Well, I tried it again in another browser (with protection paused) and got through, but still...
I make great fruitcakes. No weird stuff. Nothing green. Just chopped apricots, mango, candied pineapple, dried cherries (all soaked in rum) and walnuts. Plenty of buttery poundcake. I have extras. DM me if you want one.
Many years ago my wife annually made small loaf fruitcakes to give to her co-workers as a holiday gift She would make them Thanksgiving weekend, wrap them in cheesecloth and aluminum foil, and store them in a kitchen cabinet. Once a week for the next month we would unwrap them and spoon on rum; they’d be well-marinated by gift-giving time.
One year we opened the cabinet and found a hole in the wrapping and a partially-eaten cake. Our cat had jumped up on the counter, opened the cabinet door, bitten through the foil and cheesecloth, and helped himself. That was the end of our fruitcake making.
Which may explain (and correct me if I'm wrong here...) why your feline companion expanded his usual cat dance repertoire that year to include a vigorous mambo, pachanga, and rumba.
Because of the holidays, I'll waive almost certain banishment since you've used up your red card allowance. But keep pushing your luck and there will be severe pun-ishment handed down in the future. However, you are cautioned not to inflict them on unsuspecting relatives. Public health authorities may have to get involved.
The best fruitcake I have ever tasted is made by the Collin Street Bakery in Texas, and is able to be ordered online. My aunt Ethel, until she died, used to send me one every year. I know a lot of people who make fun of fruitcake, but this stuff is GOOD. I am, alas, not being paid for this endorsement.....
There is a quality difference in fruit cakes, and I suspect many were made to be gifts and perhaps not so great. I like the quality ones. Then it got to be an "inside joke" to trash talk fruit cakes. OK. I know the joke. But my mother made good fruit cake.
Every English wedding I have been to (my family is British) their wedding cakes were fruit cakes. Not that horrible brick of thing you see stacked up in US grocery stores every holiday season, wrapped in cellophane that you could probably use to build a wall with - no, real fruit cake. Moist, a bit spicy, laden with fruit, and enough booze to get you buzzed.
I love English fruitcake. Best served with a slice of a good, strong Cheddar cheese. This is how it's eaten in Yorkshire and I learnt that from the mother of a schoolfriend of mine.
The only commercial fruitcake I like is the one from Collin Street Bakery. But I like many homemade ones (including the ones I make every other year—alternating with stollen, which is this year’s bake).
The trick may be to distract guests by presenting it as space food ---- compressed cubes of fruitcake in shiny, shrink-wrapped packages (see link). Apparently this went along with the Apollo astronauts as a supplementary food, after extensive research at the Natick Labs found it was suitable as a nutrition source that could stay at least edible (if not eatable) for long periods of time. If nothing else, longevity is still a signature characteristic. To many, THE signature characteristic, since a fruitcake can then be passed on as a gift to someone else after lying dormant for a year. If it was good enough for our boys in space...
A staff member of our small magazine was complaining about all the time she "wasted" cooking: "Hours of work, and in 20 minutes, it's gone! I spend more time on this magazine, but the results are something that will still be on my coffee table years later.”
Our editor: “If that’s what you want, make fruitcake.”
I've made traditional steamed puddings for Christmas a couple of times. Turns out they're basically fruitcake. Pretty good with lemon sauce, but not so good that they're worth the trouble.
I'm reminded of the "folk" song, the Song of the Temperance Union, by the Chad Mitchell trio. One verse went, "We never eat fruitcake because it has rum, and one little bite turns a man to a bum. Can you imagine a sorrier sight than a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight". There's more, but .... I'll stop now.
“We never eat cookies, because they have yeast. One little bite turns a man to a beast. Can you imagine such a disgrace as a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?”
Change cookies to bread and you've got a great verse there.
I've always thought so, too. However, the rhyme scheme requires two syllables, so "cookies" it is.
We never eat bread; that's because it has yeast.
We never eat bread because it has yeast.
One little bite turns a man to a beast.
Not that it's my place to edit your poetry. But what really stopped me is that I don't know of any yeast-rising cookies though there may be some. So I was looking for a two-syllable bread (challah?) and finally decided that one syllable actually worked there too. It's a good verse.
I ate some cookies containing yeast just this morning. You can Google for recipes. As for the rhyme, The Chad Mitchell Trio won't be changing it anytime soon. Re: Fruitcake: I've had terrible fruitcake and edible fruitcake. The later is great if you want a little something sweet but won't be tempted to go back for seconds.
Last night I served a Dundee cake (technically a fruitcake since it's full of raisins, orange zest, and orange marmalade), and everyone at the table complimented it, even my husband, who doesn't like fruitcake, and two granddaughters who were skeptical (one I think doesn't even like raisins). So, small victory for "fruitcake."
Panettone -- now THAT's fruitcake!
Hmm. Although not required (but traditional), as I'm informed, wonder if the compliments (and second slices, no doubt) had to do with the addition of an extra dram or two of Scotland's finest to the batter ?
Nope, no booze in this cake!
Liking some fruitcake does not preclude mocking the bad stuff as presented in an HM from Week 879’s Venn diagram contest:
http://nrars.org/paperPDF/0883.pdf
Alas, Kaspersky will not let me access that paper, even if I "pause protection." <sigh> I've gotten a bit tired of Kaspersky's overprotectiveness. Well, I tried it again in another browser (with protection paused) and got through, but still...
I thought we were still concerned that Kaspersky might actually be Putin's backdoor into everyone's computers.
I make great fruitcakes. No weird stuff. Nothing green. Just chopped apricots, mango, candied pineapple, dried cherries (all soaked in rum) and walnuts. Plenty of buttery poundcake. I have extras. DM me if you want one.
Many years ago my wife annually made small loaf fruitcakes to give to her co-workers as a holiday gift She would make them Thanksgiving weekend, wrap them in cheesecloth and aluminum foil, and store them in a kitchen cabinet. Once a week for the next month we would unwrap them and spoon on rum; they’d be well-marinated by gift-giving time.
One year we opened the cabinet and found a hole in the wrapping and a partially-eaten cake. Our cat had jumped up on the counter, opened the cabinet door, bitten through the foil and cheesecloth, and helped himself. That was the end of our fruitcake making.
Which may explain (and correct me if I'm wrong here...) why your feline companion expanded his usual cat dance repertoire that year to include a vigorous mambo, pachanga, and rumba.
Especially the rum-ba. (That was specifically for you, Dale, as the self-appointed Referee of Puns and Similar Crimes Against Nature).
Because of the holidays, I'll waive almost certain banishment since you've used up your red card allowance. But keep pushing your luck and there will be severe pun-ishment handed down in the future. However, you are cautioned not to inflict them on unsuspecting relatives. Public health authorities may have to get involved.
So it's OK as long as the relatives are unsuspicious?
The best fruitcake I have ever tasted is made by the Collin Street Bakery in Texas, and is able to be ordered online. My aunt Ethel, until she died, used to send me one every year. I know a lot of people who make fun of fruitcake, but this stuff is GOOD. I am, alas, not being paid for this endorsement.....
The secret: Fruitcake needs to be made with bourbon, not rum. Make it just after thanksgiving and dose it daily with bourbon until Christmas.
There is a quality difference in fruit cakes, and I suspect many were made to be gifts and perhaps not so great. I like the quality ones. Then it got to be an "inside joke" to trash talk fruit cakes. OK. I know the joke. But my mother made good fruit cake.
I never knew it has to have rum. neither did my mother.
Every English wedding I have been to (my family is British) their wedding cakes were fruit cakes. Not that horrible brick of thing you see stacked up in US grocery stores every holiday season, wrapped in cellophane that you could probably use to build a wall with - no, real fruit cake. Moist, a bit spicy, laden with fruit, and enough booze to get you buzzed.
https://www.vogue.com/article/british-royal-wedding-fruitcake
I love English fruitcake. Best served with a slice of a good, strong Cheddar cheese. This is how it's eaten in Yorkshire and I learnt that from the mother of a schoolfriend of mine.
The only commercial fruitcake I like is the one from Collin Street Bakery. But I like many homemade ones (including the ones I make every other year—alternating with stollen, which is this year’s bake).
Stollen elections, fruitcake candidates, it's all coming full circle
Part of the trick is to liberally dose with rum &/or brandy at least weekly for a month.
You can even put some on the cake, too.
The trick may be to distract guests by presenting it as space food ---- compressed cubes of fruitcake in shiny, shrink-wrapped packages (see link). Apparently this went along with the Apollo astronauts as a supplementary food, after extensive research at the Natick Labs found it was suitable as a nutrition source that could stay at least edible (if not eatable) for long periods of time. If nothing else, longevity is still a signature characteristic. To many, THE signature characteristic, since a fruitcake can then be passed on as a gift to someone else after lying dormant for a year. If it was good enough for our boys in space...
https://ids.si.edu/ids/deliveryService?id=NASM-SI-2009-4768&max=900
Good fruitcake is good. Bad fruitcake can be used as construction material.
A staff member of our small magazine was complaining about all the time she "wasted" cooking: "Hours of work, and in 20 minutes, it's gone! I spend more time on this magazine, but the results are something that will still be on my coffee table years later.”
Our editor: “If that’s what you want, make fruitcake.”
I've made traditional steamed puddings for Christmas a couple of times. Turns out they're basically fruitcake. Pretty good with lemon sauce, but not so good that they're worth the trouble.
Fruitcake is a lot like Italian panettone, but squeezed to high density and soaked in alcohol (for the good stuff). What's not to like?
I only like fruitcake that contains gluten, has almond paste / marzipan on top and isn't very dark.
You could serve me cactus cake if you put almond paste on top.