71 Comments
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WolfBite🐺's avatar

It's as if it was specifically crafted to be your worst culinary nightmare.

I admit to laughing.

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Chris Garrity's avatar

Me too!

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Sasquatch's avatar

Dale has already tagged Padma Lakshmi as the perp behind this prank.

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ELIZABETH WEINTRAUB's avatar

What a fussbudget you are about food. You are lucky that Rachel doesn't stick you in a closet with a small slot in the door through which she can pass you a plate of stir-fried green peppers.

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SnarfyNewcomerOpinesBasically's avatar

dump hello fresh. blue apron is the only one worth anything, and you are SO WRONG about cilantro lime rice.

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Anne DePalma's avatar

Not to mention chicken curry!

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COL Mustard's avatar

I read your comment quickly and thought you said Hello Trash.

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Melissa's avatar

Julia Child didn’t like cilantro. Said it tasted like soap. Personally I don’t think it tastes like soap, I just think it tastes bad but who can argue with Julia Child about food?

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Gary E Masters's avatar

It is a genetic thing and shows that we all have different experiences with food. I can not abide hot peppers or food with them. In Texas they just laughed at me. But pain is not a flavor. I like cilantro. It does not taste like soap.

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Kitchen Cynic's avatar

You could deliver those meals to me. They all sound pretty good.

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Charles Osborne's avatar

I agree -- it all sounds yummy... except the Old Bay. I agree with Gene 100% on Old Bay.

Sincerely,

Kharis

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Dan Sachs's avatar

Am I the only one to think Rachel intentionally placed exactly that order? What are the odds that they could randomly assign you such a precise anti-Weingarten meal?

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Jon Gearhart's avatar

I did agree. In fact, I posted my comment after work before reading yours.

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Sasquatch's avatar

The Gene Pool has spoken. It's your job, Gene. Deal with it.

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EsmeeWhitaker's avatar

Both answers work... it would surely be a punishement for Rachel to have to stay with "Stupid" - insert arrow here. 🍕

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Deana's avatar

This is what happens when you don’t vote. Chaos and evil take over.

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Chris Petito's avatar

1. And you should man up and pick the green pepper off the pizza and stop complaining. 2. Help me out. This was for two meals. Are you supposed to eat the rice or the fries with the pizza?

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Gene Weingarten's avatar

Picking the green pepper out of the pizza is like picking the cat turds out of the pizza. You have not really solved the problem!

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Sasquatch's avatar

I don't understand why manufacturers use green bell peppers instead of ripe bell peppers on pizza. Or in/on anything, for that matter. Are green peppers cheaper than ripe bell peppers? If so, why not pass off the product as "premium" because it contains ripe bell peppers?

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Gregory Koch's avatar

Did they actually give you pizza? Or just the peppers? It sounds like the latter so just don’t put the peppers on the pizza! And where does the pizza come from?

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Christine H's avatar

I so appreciate that this is one Substack I get where I get a good laugh out of it (vs. the furthering of an existential crisis).

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Mikey's avatar

I really wanted a "both" option in the poll.

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Terri Smith's avatar

I am curious how the poll results split by gender—but maybe we know. I like the suggestion that you take over and use phone reminders, calendar entries, whatever it takes to prod you. And, as extra incentive, if you forget, you must eat whatever they send no matter how much you gag. You won’t forget again.

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Pat's avatar

As I sit here, wearing my traditional blue crab costume, drinking a cold Natty Boh, eating fresh Utz chips, I am for some reason compelled to argue that you’re almost completely wrong about Old Bay, but your description is hilarious and I must applaud it with my little claw hands.

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elizardbeth's avatar

Your only correct opinion here is that cooked green bell peppers are an abomination. Set a calendar reminder and some alarms! And buy Rachel a suitable treat such as flowers. You know I adore being imaginary internet friends with you but please--get it together, Weingarten!

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Gregory Dunn's avatar

If you don't like those things you can always boil some hotdogs.

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Sasquatch's avatar

And cover them with condiments.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

I checked, and it appears you have a default order for an extreme Weight Watchers-approved meal kit based on the dishes and ingredients you absolutely hate. I assume Rachel actually believes you want to shed that avoirdupois (her feigned remorse notwithstanding). I swear I can hear Padma Lakshmi cackling evily.

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Sasquatch's avatar

Regarding Padma Lakshmi's "cackling evily": I think you've captured her laugh.

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Terri Smith's avatar

I have always felt extremely lucky that my husband is a good cook and meal planner (though my special needs son who lives with us likes to demand—I mean plan— too). But I think I will go give the cook an extra kiss for keeping the meals coming.

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