Ecch.
Mostly a picture album today. Above are Donald Trump’s swollen, bruised-looking hands. The Internet is going nuts about it, with amateur diagnoses ranging from late-stage congestive heart failure to skin cancer to an ivermectin rash. There are three points I’d like to make about this:
The official medical term for this sort of revolting bruise is “ecchymosis,” which seems to be a perfect description; and,
I don’t buy the online speculations. I don’t even buy the official White House explanation, which is that Trump has a “chronic venous insufficiency” that, um, apparently was aggravated by magnanimously shaking a lot of hands and heroically doing a lot of work. I think these are all misleading, overly alarming scenarios that are very unfair to Trump. To me, there is only one likely explanation, which is that, like me, Trump is an ugly, unsightly old man. We have dings and blebs and blemishes and floppy flab. It is just a part of who we are. I, for example, currently have this unnerving bruise on my hip.
And finally,
The worst thing about this hand thing, really, is that to hide it, because of his vanity, Trump trowels on makeup like the ladies in a 19th century San Francisco bordello. Can you imagine how creepy it is to be a world leader and have to shake this thing? I sure would prefer the ecchymosis.
.
To me, that bit of prissy coverup is just as ludicrous as when Parisian authorities have famously responded to a weeks-long garbage strike not by negotiating feverishly, but by sending out gendarmes with giant perfume bottles to spray the rotting bags in the street.
(At a signing ceremony yesterday, Trump ditched the concealer but kept his right hand hidden under the table. He looked like the murdering One-Armed Man.)
My point is that the president is likely not ill and enfeebled with one foot in the grave — that is a calumny. It is merely that he is old and ugly and flabby and benignly rotting all over. To prove my point — and be kind to Trump — I’d like to do a slide show of his other attributes. For example, his cankles.
And his hair, of course:
His mammoth ass.
And his vast, washtub belly.
And his neck, which has been uncharitably compared to a vulva:
And his dick:
So that’s it. I just want to be fair to Trump.
—
Today’s Gene Pool Gene Poll:
That’s it for today.
Comparing that neck to a vulva is an insult to vulvas everywhere.
I would not suggest that a rapist's slack neck folds look like women's private parts, so I am abstaining from voting. Rather, I would say his flabby, necrotic neck folds look like the rectum of a giant squid.