Au Contrarian

Hello.

The Washington Pist has now learned exclusively — along with everyone else on the planet — that former Washington Post political columnist Jennifer Rubin has scampered away from the paper to begin a new Substack entity called The Contrarian. It intends to be … contrarian.

This comes as no surprise to us at

… because “contrarian” has basically been our mission statement, to our benefit both financially and influentially. We wish The Contrarian just as much success as is needed to pay their salaries and spread the word about what a hellish ride this country is in for and how we can resist … but no more success than that. The Washington Pist doesn’t want to have to crush a usurper in a media war we are sure to win.

Ms. Rubin and I once collaborated on a column, which I am going to reprint here. It came at a time when she was recognized as an important conservative voice in the country, but had just run afoul of the foulness himself, Donald Trump, and suddenly became a subject of his infantile, misogynistic vituperation. I thought it a shrewd moment to tweak and torment her a little in the midst of her sudden political vulnerability.

Shortly after the interview, Ms. Rubin’s politics began to osmose leftward, though I take no credit for that. Still, it might be argued that this interview nudged her a bit, if only in the sense that Josef Stalin was nudged a bit toward the West when Hitler sent the Wehrmacht into Leningrad.

Here’s the interview, in toto. It is from December 2015.

Me: I am on the phone with Jennifer Rubin, a colleague of mine at The Washington Post. Jennifer has generously agreed to an interview on a topic recently in the news, namely, whether she is stupid.

This issue was on the table because Donald Trump had just tweeted this: "Highly untalented Wash Post blogger, Jennifer Rubin, a real dummy, never writes fairly about me. Why does Wash Post have low IQ people?"

Me: Welcome to my column, Jennifer. I want to say right from the get-go that though you and I have our political differences — you are reliably conservative and I am irretrievably liberal — I am going to treat you completely fairly here.

Jennifer: Thank you.

Me: Let's begin by dispensing with this ridiculous allegation right from the start. To demonstrate your intelligence, please explain Planck's constant and how it relates to quantum mechanics.

Jennifer:

Me: Okay, kidding. But, seriously, are you an idiot?

Jennifer: I don't know. I might be. An idiot might not know she is an idiot. I do have to say the low IQ bit never came up during my three years at Berkeley Law School, where I finished first in my class. But I suppose it's possible — it might be a law school for dummies and losers.

Me: And what about The Post habitually hiring people with low IQs?

Jennifer: Well, we have won a lot of Pulitzer Prizes. …

Me: Can't go there. There is absolutely no correlation between high intelligence and Pulitzer Prizes.

Jennifer:

Me: You'll have to trust me on that. How did you manage to incur Donald's wrath, anyway? And I ask entirely out of jealousy and self-interest, because I couldn't help but notice that the number of your Twitter followers rocketed up.

Jennifer: I know. I gained about 300 people.

Me: I once proposed online that we adopt a hyphenated, J-Lo type nickname for Trump, and suggested T-Rump. That didn't get a peep out of him. What's your secret? What do you have that I don't?

Jennifer: I called him a chicken.

Me: Whoa.

Jennifer: Yes, I suggested that the reason that he was asking CNN for $5 million to participate in their debate was that it was his way of wiggling out of the debate. I implied he was intellectually and politically insecure. I think that's what set him off.

Me: I wonder if it particularly hurt because that taunt came from a woman.

Jennifer: I don't think so. I think it's more that ... Oh. Wait.

Me: What?

Jennifer: Okay, just this second Trump tweeted that I only write purposefully inaccurate things about him and speculates that it is because I am "in love with Marco Rubio."

Me: Whoa.

Jennifer: Yeah!

Me: I don't suppose it would be fair to ask you if you are.

Jennifer: It would be about as fair as my asking you to explain Planck's constant.

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So. As you can see, she is smart and funny. It would be remiss of me not to mention that Jennifer left The Post under some unfriendly terms.

“The Post,” she wrote, “along with most mainstream news outlets, has failed spectacularly at a moment that we most need a robust, aggressive free press…I fear that things are going from bad to worse at The Post.”

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Yeah, me, too. Basically, the same billionaires who are about to control the country, and turn it into a plutocracy, also, increasingly control the media. It stinks. Clearly, The Fourth Estate is doing some intensive Estate Planning, and it’s good only for them.

Welcome to the Resistance, Jen. Keep it funny, and keep it fierce.

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Special Note: Carrie Underwood is defending her decision to perform at Trump’s inauguration by saying she is doing it in the spirit of “unity.” This is a crappy, disingenuous explanation. The only valid explanation, in my opinion, would be something like “He’s holding my uncle hostage.”

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Today’s extraneous Gene Pool Gene Poll:

Okay, that’s it.

Oh, wait. Important. Borrowing once again from Woody Guthrie: This machine fights fascism. If you have the wherewithal (it’s $4.15 a month), please consider upgrading your subscription to “paid.” We can’t let Jennifer have all the fun.

And, for Questions and Observations:

See you Thursday, in The Invitational.