A Fool's Fortnight

In the last two weeks alone, Donald Trump has destabilized the Middle East, turned the United States into a pariah state, killed more than a hundred little girls by mistake then denied he had done it and then admitted he might have done it but he didn’t know for sure because he hadn’t bothered to look into it, caused gas prices to spike by 25%, enabled Israel to commit atrocities against Lebanon, begged for military help from our historic allies whom he had previously insulted and alienated, and then threatened to punish those same allies if they don’t help him, said many in the media were “guilty of treason” for not cheerleading his benighted, unpopular war, gloated about having castrated the fourth estate, proudly identifying his conquests by name in a social media post …

… declared the Iran war over, then not over, and then over, again, then said that we had “totally demolished” a key Iranian oil facility, but added that he might bomb it a little more “just for fun,” continued pardoning his cronies and white-collar felons whose crimes have already wiped out nearly $2 billion in victim repayment and taxpayer recovery for various frauds, said that a former U.S. president he wouldn’t name had told him he regretted not bombing Iran first, but all four living former presidents immediately denied having said it, saw his approval rating plummet like a flapping turkey dropped from a helicopter, said he might “take” Cuba, revealed that his administration was considering withholding HIV aid to Zambia “on a massive scale” unless that impoverished country gives us access to their copper, cobalt and lithium stores … and played at least four rounds of golf.

According to my research, at 286 words the passage above was the longest single sentence ever written in a Substack newsletter.

Also, just an aside, in researching that item about Trump threatening widespread death to Zambians, I discovered that The Wikipedia entry devoted exclusively to Donald Trump’s racist views is significantly longer than the Wikipedia entry for the Korean War.

Other than people in his own orbit who suck up to his power and rely on his protection to hold onto the jobs for which they are wretchedly unqualified, I wondered if there were any prominent politicians who still enthusiastically support Trump and his policies. I am proud to report that I finally found one — a former president, in fact, and a Democrat! In an exclusive Ouija board interview, James Buchanan told me that he thinks Trump should definitely continue all of his current policies through the remainder of his term. Then he said “wink,” for some reason.

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Gene Pool Gene Poll:

Gene Pool Gene Poll #2:

Today’s Mailbag:

Q: Volumes have been written about Donald Trump, cataloging his many transgressions. My wife, Estelle, suggested that we assess Trump not only on what he has done, but to evaluate him based on the many things that we can assume that he has never done. He was born rich, and we know, for example, that he was driven to school by his family chauffeur. It’s likely that he has never been on a school bus (unless it was for a political campaign). We compiled a list of these things. I think it is illustrative.

Driven a car

Shopped for groceries

Played a musical instrument

Walked a dog, fed a pet

Operated a vacuum cleaner

Washed a dish

Read a book to a child

Cooked a meal

Used a screwdriver, hammer, any sort of tool

Played bridge, chess or scrabble

Taken and passed a civics class

Read the bible

Balanced a budget - personal or business

Not lied on a loan application

Complimented a woman on anything other than her looks

Changed a diaper

Set a table

Ridden a school bus

Visited a library

Pumped gas

Applied for a job

Fixed anything around the house

Rented an apartment

Changed a tire

Done a load of laundry

Laughed at a joke at his expense

Taken public transportation

Visited a national park

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A: This is a brilliant list. You may be right about every item. Thank you. And Estelle.

Just as an aside, when I was in grade school, every kid in my Bronx neighborhood had a mom or aunt named Estelle.

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And finally, it gives me great pleasure to announce that I live pretty much hand to mouth. Of course, is true that all of us who are not on feeding tubes live pretty much hand to mouth. Still, please support The Gene Pool.

That’s it for today.