Shame On You

Hello. This is the internationally increasingly infamous Weekend Gene Pool, in which we ask you to answer a question posed by us in return for — we solemnly contend — entertainment.

The entertainment approaches:

Yesterday, Rachel and I welcomed a new houseguest, Julien Kreuze, my son-in law. He will be staying with us for a while. He is a diplomat with the State Department, so he is quite diplomatic, and thus does not make judgments about people, at least not to their faces. That is the nature of diplomacy. Julien has an important job, unlike mine, which is writing shit like this.

Within five minutes of arriving, Julien observed the following: “You have four propane grills in the backyard.” This was technically untrue. We have three. Two have been rotting in the rain for at least five years, like something you would see outside a house in Snopesville, America. Diplomatically, Julien was outwardly not disturbed by this, but asked if we needed them transported to the dump, which he then proceeded to do. He had not yet even technically entered the house.

In short, our house had been rudely and ruthlessly invaded by a competent individual. The full damage to our self-esteem had barely begun.

Now Julien needed keys to the house (which, by the way he owns, because he is our landlord, but that is beside the point.) Rachel and I dutifully threw all our keys on the table, a giant clattering mass of metal, and we were helpless to describe which fit into which doors, or which were from, like, 30 years ago in houses that have since been demolished. Julien disappeared for about four minute and then declared that he now had keys to all the important doors and was throwing out the others, which was fine with us.

Also, late last night, the first night in the house, he texted us to ask if we had cats. He had noticed that we had a “Litter Genie” in the basement, where he was encamped, which didn’t bother him, but he found it unusual in the sense that we only seemed to have one pet, a great big dog. We had to tell him that, yes, we had a cat but he died three years ago. To our credit, we had emptied the Litter Genie of poop just before his arrival.

Today’s question is: What is a personal dysfunction of yours that is embarrassing and you would not like to personally disclose except right here, anonymously, in the increasingly infamous Gene Pool?

Send them here:

Also you may give us money if you wish to, but that is not a prerequisite. We will share your shame regardless.