New Gene Pool Questions
Q: I have for the last several had a terrible thought (fantasy really) in my head about what I wish would happen to the entire trump family. It can never happen of course but the thought of it has helped me get through these last years. I have told a few people this fantasy and they think it makes me a terrible person. I don’t think so because I can’t make it happen so it is causing no harm. Even if I had the ability I wouldn’t make it happen. Thoughts in my own head don’t make me a terrible person. Right?
A: Yes, I have always felt that what happens in the head stays in the head. My best example is made up: A pillar of the community — philanthropist, great person, who is discovered, at death, through his writings, to have had a sick sick underside, a man who fantasized about killing and raping children (sorry). I think this guy is a giant. Never acted on his impulses. You are cleared of your Trump fantasies.
Hey, our next chat will be late Thursday, probably after 5 pm, because of an idiot doctor’s appointment made five months ago, before I even knew we had a Substack because doctors universally suck.
Q: Hi Gene, I have a very specific and rather misanthropic problem which you are uniquely qualified to address. I hate the social obligation to say "you're welcome" after someone thanks us. Frankly I don't even care if someone thanks me after I do something for them -- if I did something nice for you, it's because I want to live in a society where people do such things, not because I am expecting words of gratitude. But that absurd convention is trivial compared to the fact that the entire moral balance of the transaction can completely reverse just by you saying one or two words to me. I've been in situations where people have become legitimately angry with me after I did something for them because they said thanks and I merely nodded and went on my way instead of indulging their bizarre need to engage in a short meaningless follow-up conversation about it. Have you already forgotten the thing I did for you five seconds ago? How am I now the bad guy? Am I wrong here?
A: You are not wrong. You are right. I agree with you. You are welcome.
Q: Adam Sandler is this latest recipient of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. In general, there seem to be two categories of reaction: people who applaud the selection of someone who is hilarious in a variety of settings in a range of media, and people [like me] who know a second rate comic actor when they see one. Other than the scene in the movie Click where Sandler gasses David Hasselhoff in an up close and personal way, I can't think of any instance where Sandler's performance made me laugh uproariously. What's your take?
A: I am not an Adam Sandler fan, but he lives in my heart forever for his Chanukkah song. That is a thing, you know? Someone who does one great thing, and deserves fame for it. It’s better than most people do. I have never done it. It’s worthy. Here is the first, and the third.
Urgent from Pat Myers:
Invitational Week 4: deadline Friday night!
This week's contest is called Questionable Journalism: You choose any sentence from an article or ad published this week -- and follow it, in our trademark A-and-Q style, with a question that the sentence could humorously answer. See the contest here (scroll down to the first subhead) ; there's also a link to this week's entry form. New! First Offenders, those who never got ink in our previous Invitational incarnation, will get the famed FirStink for First Ink -- one of those tree-shaped air "fresheners" with a sticker on it.
And coming Thursday EVENING at 7! A new contest plus the results of our biennial "joint legislation" wordplay contest combining the names of congressional freshmen.
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Q: I have for the last several had a terrible thought (fantasy really) in my head about what I wish would happen to the entire trump family. It can never happen of course but the thought of it has helped me get through these last years. I have told a few people this fantasy and they think it makes me a terrible person. I don’t think so because I can’t make it happen so it is causing no harm. Even if I had the ability I wouldn’t make it happen. Thoughts in my own head don’t make me a terrible person. Right?
A: I have said this before. I think what happens in the brain stays in the brain. I created a certain scenario where a pillar of the community, a humanitarian, is discovered, at his death, through his papers, to have been a secret monster, fantasizing about having killed and raped children (sorry). I consider this guy a hero, because he had those urges and never acted on them. So you are fine, with Trump.
Q: I’ll bite. Why are you up at 4 a.m.? Lexi? Sleeplessness/worry? Getting ready for an exciting Monday morning?
A: I am 71. I get up at 4 am. Often, it is to pee. But then life intrudes. You discover things to do.
Q: Can you explain, in detail if needs be, the proctological significance of your reference to 'deeply probing innuendo.' I must be missing something. Also, shouldn't it be innuen-go...?
A: In Your End-0. IN YOUR BUTTHOLE. What is not to understand? Good God.
Q: Thirdly, is it okay to post this while I'm multitasking -- that is, sitting on the toilet -- or is that considered an unacceptable breach of etiquette, even in this new post-Post world we are living in? Thanking you in advance for your thoughts on all this, I remain, David S.
A: This is from the previous poster. I just want to point out you are Dave “S.”
Q: Considering that a human's prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until the age of 25, should people under 25 get a free pass on everything? Terrible driving? Prefrontal cortex! Drinking too much? Prefrontal cortex! Skateboarding down the middle of 14th Street? Prefrontal cortex blamed at the post mortem! No voting. No legal drinking. No draft.
A: You are asking the wrong question. It’s really about the prostate, which is not mature until a man is about 70. Before then you are not responsible for your sexual deviancies.
Watching Gene struggle this way from afar (with failed posts, doubled posts and questions, inconsistent cross-referencing, less-than-fully-edited sentences, etc.) is giving me new respect for Tom the Butcher.
This isn’t a question Gene can answer, but perhaps one to pass along to the Substack wizards: how does one refresh the chat in the Substack app (iOS, if it matters)? Maybe that functionality isn’t there, since Gene is breaking new ground, but I always have to leave and go back later to get new Qs and As.