I’m another child of 1951; I use a cane and I am not ashamed of it; and I have no sympathy for your fear of embarrassment (no one will waste any of their energy or time judging you). I will offer this consolation: a cane is a magic wand that causes other people to get out of your way.
As a 1941 child, I have just been using a cane (after a fall a few years back) to keep from falling again and as "practice" for when I might really need one. I might get away with not using one, but why take a chance?
I broke my leg two and a half years ago and ended up in the hospital, in the rehab hospital, then in rehab and after a couple of months, finally home in a wheelchair. A few years before, I had fallen and broken the head of my humerus and then just as it was almost healed, fell and cracked the fibula in my left ankle. I had to use a cane with the ankle and was told when it healed to use it when I was out and about because it would help my balance. Did I? Sometimes. I wasn't using it when I fell in the parking lot of my condo building and broke the damn leg. I am a child of 1947, December so I usually say 1948. We each have our own little vanities.
USE THE FRIGGING CANE. USE IT. You don't want to end up walking from your car to your house and ending up coming home two months later in a wheelchair. Do you understand how pissed off the cat is when you finally show up and your ass is supported by very scary big wheels? Pissed. USE THE FRIGGING CANE! HONEST TO GAWD. DO NOT BE LIKE IDIOT ANNIE! USE THE F&%#ING CANE! USE IT! USE IT!
This admonition is for both Gary and Gene and anyone else who needs to hear it. USE THE CANE!
Very wise. I sometimes had to work with people who wanted to kill me so I can take care of myself and now I can also wield my cane. Watch out for Annie!
I’m also a 1951 child and I wish all I needed was a cane. I have MS and have graduated to an electric wheelchair - top speed is 3.9 mph. USE THE CANE!!!
My husband and I were at our local diner in the booth in front of a guy like the one at the table next to you, Gene. He was with some poor woman who never got a word in. His voice was booming as he talked about all the people he wanted rid of because he didn't want them living in his country. He also talked about many Democrats in Congress, and asked his date if she knew that Nancy Pelosi's husband had faked the hammer attack that sent him to the hospital. As we stood up to leave we glanced at him and noticed his mouth was full of food as he ranted, and he was spraying the table. I felt like saying to the woman as we left " You should have swiped left"!
I have a similar story. I was in a cafe trying to kill an hour pleasantly until my wife picked me up from the small town where I was temporarily stranded. There was only one other customer. He was on his cell phone ranting loudly to someone else about Syrian refugees. He finally finished just about the time I saw my wife's car pulling up. On my way out I told him my mother was a Syrian refugee, which is a half-truth -- she's a refugee, but not Syrian. He didn't look either embarrassed or angry, just smug -- said that she probably wasn't Muslim. I told him what I thought of his distinction (I don't remember exactly how) and left.
We all run into these self-satisfied idiots who pontificate in public from time to time. I am torn. Should you pour a beer on his head? Or, Try some reverse psychology? Each time he laughs, laugh even louder. Say, "Sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing that remark. That's hilarious! Keep going!" Chances are, it will freak him out. Next. Tell the person at your table, "Isn't that young man CLEVER!?" Finish up by asking if you can get a picture with him -- before he flees from the restaurant.
They shouldn't boycott the SotU. They should sit there in stony silence except for those moments that acknowledge the office of the presidency (e.g., entering, exiting the chamber), but give no reward to all those moments that are about the man sitting in the office.
The question is easy to answer if your present job bores you to tears and offers no particular benefit to others in society. Go right ahead and pay me double.
The answer to this question depends a lot on your alternatives. Ten years ago I took a (non drastic) pay cut for a more interesting job. Two years ago I retired rather than continue in a job that had become uninteresting. I don't regret either move, but I had acceptable alternatives.
Distribute "Trump's Greatest Catch Phrases" bingo cards to all the Dems. Make a big show when they score a box and a standing ovation for the bingo winner.
There exists a miracle potion for people like me who cannot tolerate oral anti-inflammatory meds. It's a topical anti-inflammatory gel made from sodium diclofenac, brand name Voltaren, but generics are available. It is advertised for use with arthritis in your hands. However, it is an all-purpose anti-inflammatory. I use it on my rotator cuff (tendenitis), but it is also pretty great for back strains. Just be sure to rub it in well. Also, if no one has told you, put ice on strains, not heat. A hot tub will feel good but could make your back seize. Ask me how I know.
Anyway thanks for a couple of great stories today and the gift of a new word: gasconade. Feel better soon!
Probably not as effective for deeper muscle tissue; the OTC gel is usually suggested for joint and superficial muscle pain. Suggest instead (short of a prescribed muscle relaxant) OTC concoctions like Biofreeze (preferably a patch) and others with menthol or camphor (essentially pain counterirritants) rather than an anti-inflammatory, unless or until a formal diagnosis tells you otherwise.
Without knowing Gene's diagnosis, it seemed that a strain was probably most likely. I have had excellent results with pain relief using Voltaren for back strain and other minor muscle and tendon injuries that result in inflammation. Less so for joints, which are pretty deep. I wash my hands after applying--you should anyway--and don't let the cat lick the affected area. It's worth a try especially if you get relief. I also find that Voltaren works best when it's worked in thoroughly as opposed to just applied. As they say, YMMV. I offered it up because it seems that many people are unaware of it. I am not a doctor and offer up my own experience only.
Prior to 2020 Voltaren was a prescription drug in the US, but OTC in Canada. I confess here that when I was in Canada I would I would “smuggle” Voltaren back to the US.
I use Aspercreme or Icy Hot (same active ingredient), the versions with lidocaine. Not cheap but they do work, temporarily. The labels say to use 3-4 times a day, and I beat that by rather a lot, but it's that or slit my wrists because of the pain. (Taken in addition to prescription pain pills).
Voltaren is not, and does not contain, aspirin. However, they are both NSAIDs, and long-term high-dose use of either is contraindicated for those with kidney disease.
You are correct; I misspoke. I intended to say "similar to" aspirin, but apparently I wasn't paying attention to what I typed. Diclofenac is the active ingredient in Voltaren.
The trick with a cane is to get one ornate or idiosyncratic enough to come off as an accessory and not a necessity. For another satisfying illusion, get a couple of hiking poles and feign Nordic walking. If neither suit a fellow of your blatant authenticity but deserved notoriety, I suggest a sedan chair carried by four remaining Commanders offensive linemen, undoubtedly bored by off-season workouts.
They should all attend but sit and blatantly do something other than pay attention to what is being puffballed into the room. As though whatever they are doing is A THOUSAND TIMES more important and interesting.
Thank God you went there. My secret superpower is that I can recite entire scenes from either Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein. Don't catch me on the nights I mix them up!
Re your Gene Poll today: I voted "no," but that is only because I am retired and don't have to work ever again. If I were starting out again, like I was in the mid-1970s, the answer would not only be "yes," but "YES! ABSOLUTELY! WHEN CAN I START???"
I am not (nor ever will be) technically retired since I'm self-employed, but I have had almost no earned income for the past few years. If that were doubled, it would still be chicken feed. My first real job (as a teacher) paid $5,000 a year. Doubling that might have been a lifestyle changer, but my recollection is that my husband (receiving a nontaxable $3,000-a-year student stipend) and I did pretty well, eating steak every weekend and generally not going without anything we needed. And theoretically my job was valuable (though I wasn't very good at it).
Retired too, I said probably because there were times in my career when I definitely would have. HOWEVER I will quote my mother here “Only boring people get bored.” I contend in most jobs you can find something to make it interesting, even if it is just imagining fictional backstories for your coworkers
I once waited in a long line at my bank. The person in line behind me never stopped talking…loudly.
He spent 30 minutes telling a person he recognized about how successful he had become by telling him about his Rolex watches, the cars he owned and which ones were his favorite, the real estate he owned, and best of all, his shoe collection. He was pathetically uppity and suffocating. I held my tongue but I wish I had had the courage to say something like, “If I let you cut in front of me, would you promise to shut the fuck up?”
Dear Rachel! If the old goof refuses to use a walking stick (and I will gladly send him a 'manly' one), the easiest, safest way to get him back on his feet is to stand on his toes (him sitting on the deck) and pull him up by his wrists. Don’t break yourself trying to squat and lift. Good luck.
I’m another child of 1951; I use a cane and I am not ashamed of it; and I have no sympathy for your fear of embarrassment (no one will waste any of their energy or time judging you). I will offer this consolation: a cane is a magic wand that causes other people to get out of your way.
As a 1941 child, I have just been using a cane (after a fall a few years back) to keep from falling again and as "practice" for when I might really need one. I might get away with not using one, but why take a chance?
I broke my leg two and a half years ago and ended up in the hospital, in the rehab hospital, then in rehab and after a couple of months, finally home in a wheelchair. A few years before, I had fallen and broken the head of my humerus and then just as it was almost healed, fell and cracked the fibula in my left ankle. I had to use a cane with the ankle and was told when it healed to use it when I was out and about because it would help my balance. Did I? Sometimes. I wasn't using it when I fell in the parking lot of my condo building and broke the damn leg. I am a child of 1947, December so I usually say 1948. We each have our own little vanities.
USE THE FRIGGING CANE. USE IT. You don't want to end up walking from your car to your house and ending up coming home two months later in a wheelchair. Do you understand how pissed off the cat is when you finally show up and your ass is supported by very scary big wheels? Pissed. USE THE FRIGGING CANE! HONEST TO GAWD. DO NOT BE LIKE IDIOT ANNIE! USE THE F&%#ING CANE! USE IT! USE IT!
This admonition is for both Gary and Gene and anyone else who needs to hear it. USE THE CANE!
I don't think I want to get on Annie's bad side!!!!!
Very wise. I sometimes had to work with people who wanted to kill me so I can take care of myself and now I can also wield my cane. Watch out for Annie!
P. S. When my husband, who had hiked a lot in the woods, realized he needed to use a cane, he found a hiking stick more comfortable and steadying.
Yes. Its magical in that way. And it’s also handy if you have to move someone out of your way.
I’m also a 1951 child and I wish all I needed was a cane. I have MS and have graduated to an electric wheelchair - top speed is 3.9 mph. USE THE CANE!!!
Please use the cane! Embarrassment is a whole lot better than injury. Hope you feel better.
Seriously, get a better looking cane and yield a a weapon, as needed. Get the fuck over it!
Respectfully.
Gene, I am noticing a common thread of no sympathy here. I recommend you use a cane.
Or get hiking poles!
My husband and I were at our local diner in the booth in front of a guy like the one at the table next to you, Gene. He was with some poor woman who never got a word in. His voice was booming as he talked about all the people he wanted rid of because he didn't want them living in his country. He also talked about many Democrats in Congress, and asked his date if she knew that Nancy Pelosi's husband had faked the hammer attack that sent him to the hospital. As we stood up to leave we glanced at him and noticed his mouth was full of food as he ranted, and he was spraying the table. I felt like saying to the woman as we left " You should have swiped left"!
(laughing) That would've been the perfect punctuation to the guy's rant!
I have a similar story. I was in a cafe trying to kill an hour pleasantly until my wife picked me up from the small town where I was temporarily stranded. There was only one other customer. He was on his cell phone ranting loudly to someone else about Syrian refugees. He finally finished just about the time I saw my wife's car pulling up. On my way out I told him my mother was a Syrian refugee, which is a half-truth -- she's a refugee, but not Syrian. He didn't look either embarrassed or angry, just smug -- said that she probably wasn't Muslim. I told him what I thought of his distinction (I don't remember exactly how) and left.
For Gene's sake, Leslie, you should have lied about not having actually said that, then submitted it for the upcoming column :)
OMG were you sitting next to DJT ...???
I am sorry your back hurts. Rest up.
We all run into these self-satisfied idiots who pontificate in public from time to time. I am torn. Should you pour a beer on his head? Or, Try some reverse psychology? Each time he laughs, laugh even louder. Say, "Sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing that remark. That's hilarious! Keep going!" Chances are, it will freak him out. Next. Tell the person at your table, "Isn't that young man CLEVER!?" Finish up by asking if you can get a picture with him -- before he flees from the restaurant.
Superior!
"You are clearly very intelligent. I wish to subscribe to your newsletter."
Why thank you!
"...a fine, sturdy woman..." Sounds like a want ad during the Oklahoma Land Run of 1889.
They shouldn't boycott the SotU. They should sit there in stony silence except for those moments that acknowledge the office of the presidency (e.g., entering, exiting the chamber), but give no reward to all those moments that are about the man sitting in the office.
Or appear to fall asleep, as the Pontificator-in-Chief himself does when others talk.
Ooh, yes! Appear to fall asleep but also have signs hanging from their necks: "Shut Up Piggie!"
The question is easy to answer if your present job bores you to tears and offers no particular benefit to others in society. Go right ahead and pay me double.
The answer to this question depends a lot on your alternatives. Ten years ago I took a (non drastic) pay cut for a more interesting job. Two years ago I retired rather than continue in a job that had become uninteresting. I don't regret either move, but I had acceptable alternatives.
Distribute "Trump's Greatest Catch Phrases" bingo cards to all the Dems. Make a big show when they score a box and a standing ovation for the bingo winner.
Russia, Russia, Russia
Sleepy Joe
I won Georgia in 2020
etc
witch hunt
hoax
fake news
rigged
nasty
very badly
IMMEDIATELY
and "crooked" or "crime family" any Democrat, especially one who beat him or got more of the popular votes.
Great minds, same channel!
Dude, Now you’re going to have to apologize to all Californians for demeaning their ethnic cuisine.
I also don''t like Brussels sprouts. Fuck the Belgians.
Not to worry. I'll gladly eat your Brussels sprouts if you'll eat my Belgians. Oh...nevermind.
That sounds vaguely suggestive.
Only if you are vaguely suggestible.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
You're correct, of course, but I was just innocently thinking about stuff like endive and waffles.
Yes, especially King Leopold II
There exists a miracle potion for people like me who cannot tolerate oral anti-inflammatory meds. It's a topical anti-inflammatory gel made from sodium diclofenac, brand name Voltaren, but generics are available. It is advertised for use with arthritis in your hands. However, it is an all-purpose anti-inflammatory. I use it on my rotator cuff (tendenitis), but it is also pretty great for back strains. Just be sure to rub it in well. Also, if no one has told you, put ice on strains, not heat. A hot tub will feel good but could make your back seize. Ask me how I know.
Anyway thanks for a couple of great stories today and the gift of a new word: gasconade. Feel better soon!
I'm using Voltaren!
Voltaren is dangerous to cats! So if you must use it, wash your hands very thoroughly before going near Grandpa and the kittens.
Probably not as effective for deeper muscle tissue; the OTC gel is usually suggested for joint and superficial muscle pain. Suggest instead (short of a prescribed muscle relaxant) OTC concoctions like Biofreeze (preferably a patch) and others with menthol or camphor (essentially pain counterirritants) rather than an anti-inflammatory, unless or until a formal diagnosis tells you otherwise.
Without knowing Gene's diagnosis, it seemed that a strain was probably most likely. I have had excellent results with pain relief using Voltaren for back strain and other minor muscle and tendon injuries that result in inflammation. Less so for joints, which are pretty deep. I wash my hands after applying--you should anyway--and don't let the cat lick the affected area. It's worth a try especially if you get relief. I also find that Voltaren works best when it's worked in thoroughly as opposed to just applied. As they say, YMMV. I offered it up because it seems that many people are unaware of it. I am not a doctor and offer up my own experience only.
Prior to 2020 Voltaren was a prescription drug in the US, but OTC in Canada. I confess here that when I was in Canada I would I would “smuggle” Voltaren back to the US.
Apologies for the lack of proofreading above.
I also appreciate "gasconade," which I'd never heard before!
Basic meaning is "to talk like a Gascon," i.e. boastfully. D'Artagnan, fourth of the Three Musketeers was a Gascon.
I use Aspercreme or Icy Hot (same active ingredient), the versions with lidocaine. Not cheap but they do work, temporarily. The labels say to use 3-4 times a day, and I beat that by rather a lot, but it's that or slit my wrists because of the pain. (Taken in addition to prescription pain pills).
Voltaren is topical aspirin, so use with caution if you have kidney disease.
Voltaren is not, and does not contain, aspirin. However, they are both NSAIDs, and long-term high-dose use of either is contraindicated for those with kidney disease.
You are correct; I misspoke. I intended to say "similar to" aspirin, but apparently I wasn't paying attention to what I typed. Diclofenac is the active ingredient in Voltaren.
The trick with a cane is to get one ornate or idiosyncratic enough to come off as an accessory and not a necessity. For another satisfying illusion, get a couple of hiking poles and feign Nordic walking. If neither suit a fellow of your blatant authenticity but deserved notoriety, I suggest a sedan chair carried by four remaining Commanders offensive linemen, undoubtedly bored by off-season workouts.
They should all attend but sit and blatantly do something other than pay attention to what is being puffballed into the room. As though whatever they are doing is A THOUSAND TIMES more important and interesting.
They should all play with those paddle ball toys.
Yes! And wouldn't it be great if they could all be in sync? Thwap! Thwap! Thwap! Over everything being spouted off! Hahaha!
I'm thinking the wooden cup and ball on a string toy. Much more challenging.
https://historicjamestowne.org/shop/toys/cup-and-ball/?srsltid=AfmBOoqLyR-8xZDVlBwV8TyaOT3exaxG0iP8vcN6o15r_qrIsOQ9TOES
You mean, like this (about one minute in)?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2XfqlbFvGN8
Thank God you went there. My secret superpower is that I can recite entire scenes from either Blazing Saddles or Young Frankenstein. Don't catch me on the nights I mix them up!
Gen Z and Gen Alpha would have no idea what we were talking about.
It’s probably better that way!
I would have been very disappointed if this had turned out to be anything BUT that scene.
Why do I always get a warped one?
Hello boys!!!
I didn't get a Harrumph outta that guy.
All of them should play Candy Crush with the volume turned all the way up. (Like the guy on the plane seated near me not long ago. 🙄).
They should hold up this sign whenever the Republicans applaud.
https://imgflip.com/i/4q715h
Or better still, Tiedrich's suggestion: "What the fuck's wrong with you?!"
Re your Gene Poll today: I voted "no," but that is only because I am retired and don't have to work ever again. If I were starting out again, like I was in the mid-1970s, the answer would not only be "yes," but "YES! ABSOLUTELY! WHEN CAN I START???"
I am not (nor ever will be) technically retired since I'm self-employed, but I have had almost no earned income for the past few years. If that were doubled, it would still be chicken feed. My first real job (as a teacher) paid $5,000 a year. Doubling that might have been a lifestyle changer, but my recollection is that my husband (receiving a nontaxable $3,000-a-year student stipend) and I did pretty well, eating steak every weekend and generally not going without anything we needed. And theoretically my job was valuable (though I wasn't very good at it).
Retired too, I said probably because there were times in my career when I definitely would have. HOWEVER I will quote my mother here “Only boring people get bored.” I contend in most jobs you can find something to make it interesting, even if it is just imagining fictional backstories for your coworkers
I once waited in a long line at my bank. The person in line behind me never stopped talking…loudly.
He spent 30 minutes telling a person he recognized about how successful he had become by telling him about his Rolex watches, the cars he owned and which ones were his favorite, the real estate he owned, and best of all, his shoe collection. He was pathetically uppity and suffocating. I held my tongue but I wish I had had the courage to say something like, “If I let you cut in front of me, would you promise to shut the fuck up?”
RH
Dear Rachel! If the old goof refuses to use a walking stick (and I will gladly send him a 'manly' one), the easiest, safest way to get him back on his feet is to stand on his toes (him sitting on the deck) and pull him up by his wrists. Don’t break yourself trying to squat and lift. Good luck.